At about 10.20am on Thursday January 3, 2019 I was stopped by a policeman for driving and talking on the mobile phone near the airport residential area railway line curve where they sell pork. I’m sure you know that pork joint where they have a banner that show a cow yet it is called ‘pork joint’! Ehern! Knowing my offence already, ‘roger’ came to mind so that I would be allowed to continue with my journey. Like it happened to me in Takoradi before, he wasted my time for about 14 minutes educating me on the dangers I stood if my car was involved in an accident injuring, killing or maiming myself and other road users while on the phone and still driving. That is when a ‘rankless’ constable would be harassing my young life and ordering me about to remove my wrist watch and boxer shorts so I ‘go inside’.

He explained that the Police don’t take delight in making life uncomfortable for people but the right things must be done to protect our lives and those of other road users.

He never showed any sign of wanting ‘something small’ but he was only interested in educating me. With a smile, he only wished me a happy new year with safer driving skills to protect my family and other people’s families and allowed me to drive away but warned that I would not be pardoned the next time as he would ensure that they send me to the motor court for prosecution. This i find to be real professionalism from a police man!

I later got to know the name of the Constable as Philip something something Teye of the National Patrol Team - highly professional! Honourable IGP, abeg I know you know what to do! Some of your men and women are really giving your Service a good name and need to be commended. As for the ‘bud’ ones, them plentyyyyy k3k3! This Christmas, the way they make I buy ‘cola’ for them saaaaaaa for no offence all in the name of bronya, especially in the night! Hahahaaaaa! Happy new year to all police personnel!

 My only problem is that they are unable to record high crime rates in my Volta Region. Where would they get the evidence from if the crime committed was done through a special wifi? Is it not ‘low sales’ we would continue to record though ‘high sales’ in reality? Nobody would touch you but…

You should by now understand why the crime rate in the Region is continuously recording ‘low sales’ or? 

Last year during one of my visits to my holy village, I left my car door with its glasses rolled down and went to Uncle Dr Votia’s shallot farm. I spent about 3 hours with him drinking palm wine. Sometimes when you get to the village, the environment conforms you somehow to drink things you really don’t enjoy drinking such as sodabi!

On my way back to the car just a few meters away from where I had parked, I noticed that I had forgotten and left the glass windows down. Suddenly I became alarmed bcos I had left in it my mobile phone, laptop on the front passenger seat with an amount of GHC145. I hurriedly rushed to get there for fear that those things might have been stolen by the time I got there. Indeed when we got to the car, everything in it was intact. The money, phone, laptop were all there even though people were still passing by and seeing the items in the car o. Hmmm!  

Then on the way back, we saw a youngman weeding a large acre of land and didn’t seem to be getting tired. We were told he had been weeding for four days non-stop and had done almost five acres of the weeding as of then. The reason? He went to steal cassava from the said farm the previous day and nobody asked him to come and weed but the ‘forces’ that compelled him to come and weed. By the conditions of the ‘powers’ he had to continue weeding till the farm owner himself comes to stop him. How can this be recorded in any police books?

Unfortunately for him, the farm owner had travelled to France on holidays. Which police force could be stronger than this?

From Tegbi, you can steal a fowl and get away with it to Accra but nobody would ask you to bring it back when you get to Accra. Maybe the only thing that one can steal and go scot-free is adadi; even that, hmmm! Like one politician proposed during his vetting as a deputy minister, a cat factory in the Volta Region would not be a bad idea at all as it would be economically viable especially for export! 

 That was the reason I decided to go on the 27^th of December to go and enjoy with my family where food is so organic and fresh in a relaxed atmosphere!

On my way, I met my Adafienu brother Livingstone Yaovi Occloo of Donewell Insurance also carrying something in a sack which was making ‘miaw miaw’ sound. We met when we stopped over at Sogakope to buy bread. I was expecting to see another Nyebro cat farmer who is a Senior Journalist of the Graphic Communications Group. I wish I could mention his name as Sammy Doe Ablordeppey but for some reasons, I won’t! Brother has some wild hybrid cats on his farm which are said to be good for diabetics who like chewing meat. Efogan, I greet you o. Hahaaaa! Happy new year!

In the village, that was the first time I saw two cats, a mother and her elderly child who also came from Osu with their Nyebro family to celebrate bronya in the village. These cats were walking as if they were in Takoradi – real cat walk. Of course they forgot where they had come to.

My uncle’s modus operandi in arresting cats for soup is to place fried fish on a burning charcoal; this serves as a catalyst to promote the aroma to attract the cats. When the two cats were passing by smelt the aroma, the mother cat became suspicious and warned her adult child: ‘this fried fish, I suspect something; it could be a bait bcos of where we are currently; if possible let’s stay away’. The child cat ignored the warning and went ahead and kpa – the trap catch am and was immediately put into a sack for the ‘needful’. That was when the mother cat reprimanded: ‘your mouth sweet you too much; I warned you. Don’t forget where we are visiting o. you think this be Osu er? I warned you. May your stubborn soul rest in perfect soup! In case you didn’t know, before a fowl is killed, it is first given water to drink’.

May 2019 help you identify every trap set for you and escape in Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen! 2019 is going to be sweet  and smooth; I don’t know how but that is the feeling I have!

As 2019 has unfolded, let us eat well and at the right time. We must learn to know what is good for us. If it is fufu and banku in the night, get ready to exit the world early from various associated ailments related to late eating. If it is more of fruits and green leafy vegetables and fruits, you would live longer and avoid the pharmacy shops for some time. According to Mr James Chamenyi, the businessman who believes in ‘Ideas Germinate Capital’, there is probably nothing as uneconomical as working and spending all your earnings on medications! Go ahead and be drinking more alcohol and taking analgesics ‘by hat’; the pharmacy shops would be waiting for you. Ei Bro, you celebrated your birthday last Wednesday. God grant you all your wishes including….hahahahahaaa! You know what I mean! Happy birthday to my kid brother Benjamin Korshi Zogbenu who is also celebrating his birthday today. The only brother in my life who has never told a lie. I respect you for that. Abeg, no mobile money matter o, Bro. January is hot! Hahaaa. 

This year, I didn’t make any resolutions o. The only resolution I made was to remain faithful and loyal to God and even that one sef, I have started breaking it small small. I didn’t go to church last Sunday which is supposed to be the first Sunday of the year. I was broke and didn’t want my pastor to be looking into my face and be preaching Malachi 3 verse 3. It can be so uncomfortable.

This year would be better than last year but it’s not going to be easy and remember: don’t stop boarding the aeroplane because of turbulence because whether you stop or continue, there would always be turbulence.