Regina King is opening up for the first time about the death of her son, Ian, in January 2022, and the path of mourning and healing she's been on since.
In a new sit-down interview with Robin Roberts on Thursday's Good Morning America, the Watchmen star reflected on what life has been like for her since her 26-year-old son's death.
"I'm a different person now, than I was then on Jan. 19," a reflective King shared. "Grief is a journey, you know?"
"I understand that grief is love that has no place to go," King said, "and that we all handle it differently."
Ian Alexander Jr. was the only child of King and her ex-husband, record producer Ian Alexander. The exes were married in 1997 and were together for a decade before divorcing. According to multiple reports, Ian Jr. died by suicide shortly after celebrating his 26th birthday in 2022.
"I know that it's important for me to honor Ian and the totality of who he is," King said in Thursday's interview. She noted that she prefers to "speak about him in the present, because he's always with me."
King also opened up about her child's mental health struggles.
"When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way and they expect it to look heavy," she said, pausing to collect herself.
King continued, "To have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian's choice, which I respect and understand, that he didn't want to be here anymore -- that's a hard thing for people to receive because they did not live our experience. They did not live Ian's journey."
The actress admitted to being "so angry with God" for giving "that weight" of depression to Ian.
"All of the things that we had gone through, the therapy, psychiatrists and programs and he just, Ian was like, 'I'm tired of talking, Mom,'" she recalled. "My favorite thing about myself is being Ian's mom and I can't say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotions that come with that, I can't do that if I did not respect the journey."
Regina King stepped out on Sunday at the 96th annual Academy Awards to serve as one of the presenters as Da'Vine Joy Randolph won the award for Best Supporting Actress. In tribute to Ian, King wore his favorite color, orange.
"Oh, it's a trigger, absolutely," King told Roberts of attending the awards shows, where her son previously served as her date. "Sometimes it'll trigger just laughter, most times as of recent, it triggers a smile, but sometimes the absence, his absence, is really loud."
The star concluded, reflecting on the "guilt" she feels in the wake of Ian's death.
"When a parent loses a child, you still wonder what could I have done so that wouldn't have happened," she admitted. "I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian's mom. Only me. And so, it's mine and the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me, and I think I saw somewhere, 'The sadness is a reminder of how much he means to me.'"
King released a statement at the time of Ian's death saying the family was "devastated at the deepest level by the loss of Ian." She added, "He is such a bright light who cared so deeply about the happiness of others. Our family asks for respectful consideration during this private time. Thank you."
In January 2023, on what would have been his 27th birthday, King took to Instagram for the first time since his death to honor her late son's "worthday."
Sharing a video of a floating lantern gliding through the air in the dark, King wrote, "January 19th is Ian's Worthday. As we still process his physical absence, we celebrate his presence."
King went on to write, "We are all in different places on the planet… so is Ian. His spirit is the thread that connects us. Of course orange is your favorite color… It's the fire and the calm. I see you in everything I breath. My absolute favorite thing about myself is being ….Regina the mother of Ian the GodKing. Continue to shine bright, my guiding light."
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