Ours was the classical example of “my brother likes you, please be kind.” We all know someone who has been caught up in such situations. Often, they pan out ugly and mine is no exception. Here’s how. 

Tasha and I were childhood best friends. The ones that had sleepovers, shared clothes and fought over clothes and sometimes, in our teenage years, clashed over boys. We both subscribed to the unwritten girl code: don’t date family, don’t flirt with an ex, don’t be friends with an ex and all manner of things we picked up from high school and new friends. 

Our friendship had seasons. Our seasons can mainly be categorized by the boys or men we were dating at that time. I remember in secondary, dating the student council was such a big deal for us. It is actually what catapulted us to our first ‘boy fight’.

It was Andrew. A tall, dark and fat boy who smiled easily and liked playing rugby. All the girls liked him, but Andrew liked me. He exempted me from duties, put me on trip lists and always put everyone who came for me in check.

We shared a sloppy kiss in the library and that’s pretty much what our relationship was; him unknowingly making girls jealous of me.

So Tasha was pissed because she felt more deserving. It’s pretty funny now that I remember because her reasons were straight out of a movie!

She was the lead actor in a play, the Drama Club Perfect and she performed this solo verse at national levels. Needless to say, we all had quite influential roles on the drama team, but the beef simmered down when Andrew was demoted because of his poor performance. We dumped him, “like a sack of rotten potatoes,” our favourite line in the play by the lead actress. 

You could be wondering what my childhood memories have to do with this. Well, truth be told, I too have the same question. Why would my best friend tell her brother of the stupid things we did as teenagers to try and get him to dump me? 

You got me right. What started as my brother is an amazing guy, please go out with him, turned into a spiteful event of “you are better off with your ex than her. She’s my friend, I know her better.”

William is exactly ten years older than me. He says the first time he saw me as a young woman he could go out with, he was so afraid his thoughts could brandish him as a paedophile. I was seventeen, fresh out of high school, eager for the future, asking questions and blushing at his long gazes.

When his sister shared that it was my birthday, he asked for my number to wish me a happy birthday. He did, with a hefty Mpesa message that I felt some type of way. We became friends but given the age difference and the relationship I had with his sister, things remained stagnant for those years. We met at social gatherings and even bumped into him with his then-girlfriend one time. We got pretty close at some point, maybe because things with his girlfriend ended things badly.

Tasha didn’t seem to have a problem. In fact, she gave me a heads-up. “He’s having issues with his long-term girlfriend, Ella. Just have fun. Don’t take anything too seriously.” I appreciated her looking out for me and assured her that nothing serious was going on between her brother and me but that was only for a short while. 

Remember when I told you that our seasonal friendship could be categorized by the men we were dating? So, in our ‘woke’ early twenties, we thought dating broke men who really didn’t know what they wanted in life wasn’t our portion, so we leaned towards older guys with money. It all started when this man at the restaurant where we always went for a swim recognized Tasha and he pretended to be kind. We formed a friendship so fast and the next I heard, Tasha was already warming his bed. 

“This man said he likes you, but I want him. So this one is mine.” Tasha said as she hugged me from behind. We always had very straightforward conversations. She already knew that the guy was interested in me because I told her, but she did what was best for her. It didn’t matter really, because he was just another man, we didn’t expect to have a future with anyway. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about him. His wife, children, the sex they had and how much money he’d spent on her. However, the ‘old guy’ actively pursued me for close to two months and Tasha gave him up. 

“You can have him. Either way, we’ll still be squandering his money together. No biggie,” she offered. 

The problem, however, is the ‘old guy’ treated me differently. He gave me preferential treatment. I got so invested to the point that the relationship was no longer transactional but one that we hoped could ‘lead to marriage’. It was that kind of serious relationship. Tasha became so concerned because I had moved into his place so she decided to tell my parents. The man lived in an apartment alone, and his wife and family worked in a different place. The fact that they were separated also played a major role in what our relationship had become. My parents’ involvement ended the relationship almost instantly because of my father’s influence and social stature. He couldn’t bear the heat that he was being served. 

Tasha brought intimated the details of that relationship to her brother when she visited his place last month and was shocked to find me there. We had thought of the best way to let Tasha and her siblings know of our relationship but nothing was forthcoming. They all knew that we had a ‘thing’ and nothing much. What they didn’t know, is that the ‘thing’ had evolved into a serious relationship that we had moved in together. Tasha was furious and did not waste a second confronting me.

“Bernice what are your clothes doing here?” she pulled me to the balcony and started questioning. 

“I moved in four months ago. We didn’t know how to tell you guys,” I respond. 

“But Bernice he’s older than you by ten years! Do I have to remind you?” She screamed.

“We’ve dated older guys before, right?” 

“That was for a reason. We were finding ourselves. I don’t want you to use my brother Bernice,” Tasha warned. 

“I’m hurt that you can think that. Listen, love just happened. We didn’t expect it” I said, hoping it would soothe her. 

“So what about Ellah? What if she comes back?”

“They are done. You can trust me.” 

“What do you know? He’s making you believe it but they were so in love”

“Are you saying he doesn’t love me?” 

“No. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t but he’s fooling you to believe he does, please stop this nonsense, Bernice.” 

“What nonsense?” It was William’s voice. He was by the window and he had been listening to most of our conversation. He came out and had this one-sided conversation, putting Tasha in her place. He expressly told her not to meddle in his affairs and that they both could have me as a friend and girlfriend. My unhappy friend had no choice but to respect his wishes. 

She visited often after she learnt that I moved in. She had the weirdest demands that cracked us up. She demanded that I don’t sleep in the same bed as her brother whenever she slept over. Of course, it was ridiculous but anything for my friend. However, when her desperation led her to go through our chats and my Mpesa messages, I was pissed. What kind of friend waits for you to fall asleep and then snoops through your phone? New low? 

Perhaps, the most hilarious situation is when she visited the day before valentines and tried to talk her brother into financial prudence because I had told her we were going for a vacation. Unfortunately, we had cancelled the vacation due to unavoidable circumstances and opted for dinner instead. Her brother came home with a stash of my favourite things and guess what I found the next morning? She’d eaten the chocolate and packed away my bottle of perfume. My Good Girl Christina Herrera perfume! I swallowed it. 

However, when she called his brother’s ex to lie about him being depressed, swindled and talked her into visiting him, I knew it was my cue to leave. William tried to convince me to stay and scolded Tasha but for what? I know she’ll never give us peace and our friendship will only get worse.

I am still on talking terms with Tasha, but if choosing a partner for her brother is what makes her happy, then I’ll let her to it. I hope she would be as choosy when it came to her men though because let me tell you, Maina, it’s a circus!