The last time, I said ‘God has a problem’ Korshivi, my brother thought it was not possible. This morning on JOY FM, a caller phoned the Pastor, (I am not sure whether the Pastor was Ransford Abossey or Ato Acquah). Do you know the caller’s problem? He is in a troubled relationship bcos of late, the girl he wants to marry has been misbehaving and so he wants the pastor to tell him on the spot whether the girl is the right one for him or not. Herh, I laughed aaaaa enter my car and came out and laughed again! Thank God for God bcos He is such a patient God! Hmmm!

Togbui Kormi Duvon is 74 this week o! Mr Duvon’s father was a soldier who went to the Second World War in 1944 when his mother was still carrying him in her womb. His father was hit by a bullet that was recklessly fired by one of his own colleagues when he attempted killing a rat for light soup on the battlefield. Soldierman was eventually amputated and when he returned from the war, his wife was already about to ‘born’ Duvon. The baby boy was then given the name that resonates with the unfortunate event: ‘Duvon pom’ translated loosely in Ewe ‘Reckless Bullet Hit Me’. That is how come the name ‘Duvon’ all of whose offsprings are doing very well today in society, came about. Some are mobile phone chargers, shoe shine boys, khebab sellers, carpenters who join tomatoes boxes at Agbogbloshie, etc.

Almost all local names in Ghana have meanings o. Some were derived from events and one such is ‘Duvon’ (Reckless Bullet). If you don’t want to hurt your ribs with the meanings of some of the names that are about to be released here, please turn your data off and go to sleep!

You know if you are a ‘Bolgarian’, you are typically a Frafra whose name has a special meaning just as names of Voltarians’. In fact my children’s relatives who happen to be my in-laws are in Chiana Pio’s palace and I have special Kasena names for them.  

A Frafra name such as ‘Amaleba’ simply means ‘God has blessed them’.

Indeed when in Bolgatanga don’t be surprised to see inscriptions such as ‘Adagewini’ behind taxi cabs. It simply means ‘Man no be God’ whiles Akanlaare means ‘Doesn’t Smile’ Ei, award winning Senior Journalist, Maxwell Adombila Akalaare of Graphic Communications, massa, now I understand your name o, ahaaan. But you have been smiling? How come? Abeg, change your name quickly or stop smiling. ‘Akampaawine’ simply means ‘Not equal to God’. ‘Awinegura’ ‘God is our caretaker’. This is where I have a problem with my friend ‘AchiBonga bcos I just got to know Bonga means ‘donkey’. How? It is similar to ‘Nova’ in Spanish which means ‘does not go’!

 ‘Awinimi’ ‘God knows’ is a friend’s girlfriend’s friend who is a doctor’s trainer in Cuba. Asusika means hmmmm ‘Beggar’. ‘Amigange’ is a ‘Too known person’.

Have you ever met anyone called ‘Akugre’? This name means ‘stone’. I have a friend in Bobo Dela Soul (Burkina Faso) who is called ‘Akugre’ and I now understand. Kamkpe man paaa o! U see the hard sugar cane that grows on rocks, that is how his ‘shin guards’ look like, I suwear.

Awwwww ‘Asalma’ means ‘gold’. Awalekake is the Ayigbe version of ‘Nuworgu’ which means ‘struggled in vain’.

‘Alemna’ is given to someone who is believed to have reincarnated, like me.

I met a girl called ‘Anongre’ and fell in love with her for the wrong reasons bcos her name means ‘Love’.

Eeeeeeiiiiii, abeg, I will never give the meaning of ‘Abaa’. Me? Give meaning? I once enjoyed its khebab and the delicacy was really nice. I had finished chewing it and told it was ‘abaa’ meat. So nice. Tastier than cat meat, I suwear! I chewed it in Bolga…in one of my dreams during hangover.

‘Ayelsoma’ simply is ‘good news’. When you hear employers have increased your  salary by 200%, it is ‘Ayelsoma’.  It is also ‘Ayelsoma’ when fuel prices have been reduced but it will go up again.

Amaleboba….Akumaleba’ is ‘Death has blessed them’. Abeg, delete this one. ‘Ayinboa’ means ‘God has given’ and finally ‘Alamisi’ (Thursday born male or female)! Lamisi Debra of Multimedia, you dey?

My own Volta people would make you wonder why the meanings of their names. My neighbor, Daa Korshiwor named her son Kleptomaniac Agbeko just bcos she saw the name in the Graphic and it sounded nice and so decided to name it after his child. Guess what? As I write, Kleptomaniac Agbeko is at Nsawam! Why not!

Nuworgu was an Uncle whose name meant “Struggled in vain or Wasteful Venture”. He died as a grade one pauper, and left not even an over-used mattress.

There is something in a name oo so be careful how you give names to companies, products and even your children.

Datsomor (meaning ‘Snake has crossed the road’) is a very good lawyer friend. His brother is also a lawyer called ‘Tulasi’ (meaning ‘gun-in-hand’).  How is it possible to win a case against any of these two brothers in court, Lawyer Saviour Kudji of Bank of Ghana?

I recently saw one in a wedding invitation card: ‘Consolidate marries Ameria’ and I laugh laugh laugh aaa enter Trade Fair Centre. Ei, is the Trade Fair Centre still there? Gone are the days o, when anything about Trade Fair was a blast. One of such events became a cliché when I was in primary 6: ‘GIFEX’ and the response was ‘1986’! Anyway why not convert it into a bigger mall since the malls have become a tourist attraction now! Westhills Mall invariably records some of the highest number of bus loads of students from different parts of the country coming on tour! The Trade Fair, just like chewing gum, has lost the flavor, I think. We believe in malls, so why not turn those structures into an ultra modern mall as the biggest in Africa since the Westhills Mall prides itself as the biggest in West Africa. Efo Atsu, is it not possible?  Akwele

Atsu and Etse are the names given to male twins. Dancehall Musician Stonebuoy is Etse Satekla, therefore Stonebuoy is a twin and his other twin brother would be known as Atsu, no be so? By the way, what’s the meaning of BHIM?

But if it is one male one female as twins, then we have Atsu and Atsupui and their back born would be Tawia or Doe. Among the Ga-Dangme’s (esp the Adas), Larweh is a twin whose twin brother is Atteh. If it is one girl and one boy twins, then we have Attaand Larweh. However, if the twins are both girls, they are named Akwele and Akorkor just like the Gas would name their all female twins. As for all male twins in Ga, I think we all know already but in case you don’t know, they are called Akwetey and Akuetteh. If they are one boy one girl twins, they will be called Oko and Akwele. Are you ok now?    

Similarly a first born girl in Kroboland is called Dede and a first born boy is Tettey. The same name Dede means ‘beautiful in Dagbani’! Language go kill us o.

The following Ayigbe names have direct meanings impliedly: Fortune(r), Precious, De-wormer, Music, Supreme, Paramount, Powerful, Kwame Jesus, Favour, Prosper, Bless, Avensis, Peace, Lavinda, Gbagbladza, Peppermint, Inside, Engine Oil, Free, Victory, Beauty, Elevator, Wisdom, Tremendous, Tiger, Adventure, Hyundai, Trade Fair, Pijo, Holy Water, Takpekpe (conference), Manufacturing, Doamekpor (Tempt me and see), MyGodisFarAway, Bus Stop, Integrity, Consolidate, Klinogo, Hope and Obligor. These names are the preserves of my people even though I have seen a few Ashanti ladies going by the name ‘Precious’ too. Sometimes with these nice names, some of the people with these names do the opposite. Daavi Peace was my co-worker some 12 years ago and always looking for one trouble or the other! Hmmm.

Bu (means Disappear), Agbakpe (heavy Load), Ganyaglo (Money is a problem), Agbavitor (Small Bowl Owner), Kalami (fried fish), Kumordzie (‘death road’).

Zoyiku (Walk and go and die), Ganyaglo (money is a problem) is constantly broke. Why not!

Boakye (no known meaning), Moi (I don’t know), Haruna (is there any meaning at all?), Fuseini and Alhassan are male twins among Northerners but I sometimes wonder what Fuseina’s twin sister would be called. Maybe ‘Alansa o’, who knows! Blankson (owner of blankets), Agyekum (unless I ‘finish’ you or), Gbortsu (male goat), Gborkuku (ask somebody er), Avudzivi (Dog has given birth), Ahiamele (E bi girlfriend I catch), Ahiable (concubines in abundance), Afavie (small shrine), are interesting names you can find only in Ghana.

But why these names? Some believe that circumstances of miscarriages and still births have led to especially Ewes giving strange names in order to scare death away in subsequent births.

Akpakalami (fried Tilapia) was my classmate. MyGodisAble was a lady I dated before so I know them. ‘Turpentine Dzakpata’ is my church choirmaster. No wonder the whole human being looks like delozxy paint and smells as such. Why not! Even the name Dzakpata? Hmmm! Have you seen the snake called ‘Mamba’ before? That is its name in Ewe and some people have used it as their names.  

Mr Kudolo (“Death would not cease to amaze us”) attends church with Samuel Tindanbil, who is from Tongo, near Bolga. What be the meaning of your name sef, ‘Tindanbil’? very funky in sound!

Why on earth would anybody name his child ‘Gbormitan’ (‘goat has swallowed saliva’) or Katsekpor (‘If you like say finn’/ dare me). Abadzivor (bedsheet) is another novelty one.

That is why you can find Avuglah (dog jaw) at Legon writing a letter to Gborglah (goat jaw) at KNUST and Gbormitan (goat swallow saliva) receiving the letter on behalf of Gborglah - what is this han?

A chief in a village near mine is called Togbui Fiadigbor III. Togbui, why? I say why han? Ao! Was that the only available name?

Avudzivi (dog has given birth) is a friend who works in one of the banks which is now a member of the Consol Group of Banks. He should have been working at the Veterinary Services (is there any better place for him than here knowing that ‘dogs will definitely give birth’ and need to be taken care of)!

Yevuyibor (Black white man) just reminds me of a very beautiful lady I met on facebook, Doris Vokuyibor. Bwoy! Beauty be what! Why this surname, my dear? Abeg, Sister Baptista Gebu, you can do your search for the meaning of her surname. I don’t want problem from her father who is already dark in complexion whose first name is Amegayibor (black boss)!

Aforklinyuie (stumble properly) is one of my staff - very stubborn. The day he stumbled at the work place on the stair way but thankfully unhurt was the day he changed his name to  ‘Mawunyo’ (God is good).

As far as the meaning of Gborkuku is concerned, please contact any Nyebro friend in ‘good standing’ to educate you. Don’t give me problem oo, yooo!

How would I explain the other beautiful ones that give reverence to God – Awwww!!! sweet Mawuli, Mawutor, Elikplim, Enyonam, Makafui, Dzifa, Enyonam!

‘Mawuli’ is not synonymous with any serious business venture but trust me, when it comes to chopbars, drinking spots, coffin makers and carpentery shops, herbal clinics, it has a lot of weight! I just saw one of such shops – ‘Mawuli Timing-belt Specialist’!

Obviously the owner of ‘Aggrada’ bitters might have done a lot of marketing research to come out with such a ‘violent’ name. Ei, ‘Aggrada’? You don’t need to be told what this concoction can do especially if you are a woman at the receiving end!

The Boatengs, Azumahs, Kafuis, Gbormitans, Fuseinis, Pingas, Woodson,  Nantwi (cow),  Browns, Larteys, Smiths all interestingly work together very well but I don’t think you would want Datsomor as your boss or father-in-law; you are finished!

So nobody would ask me the meaning of ‘Zogbenu’? The fact is that, I don’t know o! My late father who attended night school with san 7 certificate refused to tell me bcos I failed to ask him before he capitalized on that and died 24 years ago.

Greetings o, Dr Alibert Gemega of Wisconsin University. ‘Geme what? meaning…hold your breath…‘King of Beards’!

Happy weekend and be nice to people when it is most difficult to do so and ‘duvon’ will never locate you! Amen!