I am not sure where this post came from. After complaining to all of you last week that I didn't have anything to write about (and not getting any ideas from you!), I went into the deepest recesses of my mind (a very shallow and yet surprisingly dark place), and discovered that this topic had been swimming around for a while. Friends. I guess there are good ones and bad ones. And maybe some who haven't declared where they stand as yet. But I guess, next to family, friends are the ones who bring out our most judgemental spirit. After all, who can best tell whether a friend is a good friend or a bad friend, innit? Before I go any further, let me ask: should you marry a friend? My instinctive answer is YES. I've always thought friends make the best partners in marriage. You know each other well already, warts and all: there are almost certainly no new horrible surprises; you probably have a similar circle of friends; you can find your away around each other without a GPS; and, unfortunately, you know each others family. Oh, and you know whether either of you can dance or not. On the other hand, that sounds remarkably boring. Still, better safe than sorry? What do you think? Friendship makes the world go round. That wasn't said by any famous person, only me. But a famous person (I forget who) said no man is an island. And part of that description of no man being an island involves friends. They are wonderful creatures, friends! Always there when you need them, always there when you don't need them (and therefore able to blackmail you when necessary), and just a rock-solid part of your life. I dare say friends are part of the fabric that makes society whole and continuous. Is it true that old friends are the best? Why? Is it just a cliche now? I don't know about that. Maybe, someone, you considered an old friend was never actually a friend; just an acquaintance who 'kept long' around you. What does that say about new friends? I believe that it is entirely possible to have a new friend who turns out to be a better friend than people you have known since forever. Old friends would include school mates, wouldn't you say? With people like that, I think the best part of the friendship is the fact that in most cases the friendship would have matured. Matured? Yeah, you know, like wine, not vinegar. Hopefully anyway. I guess there would be friends that you have been in touch with from school days till the present, and then friends from your school days who you lost touch with. In both cases there would be some maturity don't you think? Of course, when it comes to those who you lost touch with, there will be some level of awkwardness when first you re-connect. Still friends? Speaking of old friends, how true is it that familiarity breeds contempt? Sounds like a contradiction in terms especially where old friends are concerned. How can you be contemptuous of an old friend? Just how familiar do you need to be to become filled with contempt towards someone? Although...when I consider some relationships...maybe... Do you have friends who will defend you through thick and thin (and sometimes through sick and sin as well)? I've always been amazed by friends who wade into battle on one's behalf, blindly, no questions asked (and sometimes without being asked), and with maximum vim. The problem is that they leave a lot of broken bodies (and blood) in their wake. The other problem is also the fact that sometimes they are defending an indefensible cause, i.e., you were wrong in the first place! This is not necessarily a good thing. God bless these friends, but maybe a little more circumspection would be in order. Naturally, this kind of belief in one's friends stems from a deep-rooted feeling of trust that grows between friends. Yes, trust. You know, the one that can lead to betrayal when it is broken. But that trust is an essential ingredient in friendship, isn't it? Of course, sometimes the definition of trust is the problem. And does it necessarily go hand in hand with loyalty? I wonder. Social media seems to have confused the whole landscape when it comes to friends. All the friends I have referred to up till now in this post are the kinds of friends that we know and see 'feely feely'. Apparently, there are friends on social media that we shall never ever set eyes on. How exactly is that a friendship? I'm not yet very active on social media, but even on Facebook, I am most reluctant to accept a friend request from a stranger. Please, I was brought up to be wary of strangers; ask my mother. Although I would accept a strangers request on LinkedIn. Business, innit? It's remarkably easy to make new friends on social media, and sometimes it seems the numbers are all that matter. How many likes do you get per post; how many new friends did you make while you were asleep? What happened to building a friendship? Not for the new generation, it seems. And yet I hear some very strange things about friends on WhatsApp, for example. If it is your friend's birthday and you don't put their picture on your display profile (DP), the whole world just might explode around you. Nonsense! There's a whole new generation out there that have a whole new set of perceptions, expectations, attitudes, and they are all kooky to an old geezer like me. I'm glad to say. Allow me to quote from old school 80s music: "Friends! I got friends!.... Whenever I'm feelin' down and out, they help me...They lift my spirits and erase my doubts." (Friends, Shalamar, 1982) "....that friends will let you down, Friends won't be around, when you need them most, where are your friends?" (Friends, Jody Watley, 1987) "Come on my friend and leave your caution way behind, I wanna love your body till the morning light." (Friends, Amii Stewart, 1984) Okay, I'm not too sure about that last one....but I love the song! The best friends are the ones who lift my spirits whenever I meet them before they even say a word. The ones whose name I see appear on a ringing phone, or an alert for a message, and I break out in the most foolish grin ever. The ones whom I miss and think about and get a crazy lopsided smile....while I'm alone, fortunately. That the Lord should grant me the grace to be a friend like that to somebody. "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfil the law of Christ." Galatians 6, v.2. What treasures, to be able to carry burdens on behalf of a friend! My best friends are those I can ask to pray for me, and I am certain they will. Which leads me in conclusion to the question I find myself asking more and more these days: what kind of friend am I? I would like to think I'm the kind of friend who brings a smile to people's faces when my name is mentioned. Why do you think I'm writing this blog?? To achieve cheap popularity! And I really hope there are not too many people who say 'mtscheeeeewwwwww' when my name is mentioned. Okay, that's just wishful thinking. One thing I have tried to do though: whenever I do something for someone I try very hard to write it in the sand so that it will be blown away very quickly by the wind. And when someone (friend or not) does something for me I try even harder to set it in stone, so I will never forget. I've been doing an awful lot of quarrying recently. The basis of a good friendship? Staying in touch! Keeping in touch! By whatever means necessary! Because a good friend can become tired of trying hard to stay in touch when the other person makes no effort to reciprocate. Yes, you can become tired of a one-way friendship.  My aim was not to mention any names in this post. I thought it would be impossible when I started writing, but I am most impressed by this blogger. No names! Those who recognise themselves, you are probably right. If you are in there somewhere and you didn't recognise yourself, go and read a dictionary and a thesaurus...and then come back and try again. With all this talk of friends please don't forget that there's a Friend closer than a brother, who loves you deeper, better, and more than any earthly friend. If you don't know Him...