When Ghanaman alias Koo Darkie leaves the shores of Sikaman, he becomes possessed with the spirit of hardwork. It doesn't matter if Ghanaman was a lazy cocoon back home. Once possessed, Ghana 'pikin' born of Opanin Osei Kwabena or Korkorti Asamoah will put his nose to the grind 15 hours a day. Typically, the Ghanaian is a good cook. You can go aboard any foreign vessel and ask to see the chief cook. Do not be surprised to see yourself being introduced to Chief Cook Kwame Dagarti aka Kwame Santo. He can prepare every item on the international menu ranging from Classic English Breakfast to Greek bolgna salami patati. He learnt all these from the thatched mudhouse kitchen of his grandmother, where he learnt the rudiments of preparing 'Ajumako ampesi' with koobi flavour garnished with smoked mushrooms. It can only power the appetite because the Vitamin B2 in it is a natural appetizer. Ghanaman's woes often begin when he is unlucky enough to land in a hostile environment. Those who have gone to Libya will tell you that even slaves are more privileged. A little infraction of the law will land you squarely in the 'monkey-house'. When you are finally deported, your own mother wouldn't recognise you. Of course, she'll recognise your large nose alright; but as for your body, only God. Many Ghanaians have perished in the desert heat on their trip to Libya. They either lost their monies and starved to death or got into the den of bandits who either raped them to death or simply killed them. And when it comes to rape, both males and females suffer the same fate. Bandits usually think the value is the same. Go to Britain, Italy, Holland or Spain and Germany and see Koo Darkie who is too scared of ghosts back home seriously washing corpses and bagging them for funeral services. It is one of the highest paying jobs, but because it is pretty weird to start with, the Ghanaian hireling must first become alcoholic to the third power to face the dead bodies squarely. Ever seen a white ghost? You'll start looking for your mummy! But believe me, the 'kudi' is good and soon Ghanaman can start sending cash through UT Properties to get a decent home without sweat. If he sends the money for the building through his brother or cousin, that building will never get completed. The first thing the brother will do is to buy the most expensive mobile phone for his girlfriend and the duo will head for 'Barima Nkwan' or 'Asanka Delight: to start blowing the cash on bushmeat. This grateful brother back home will next think he deserved at least a small car to impress the girl. After all, his brother will send more cash at the lintel stage of the building. By the time this man is through with his girlfriend's wardrobe and his own burger preferences, that dream building of his corpse-washing brother cannot even rise above the foundation stage. That is where UT Properties has come to be the saviour of Ghanaman who is sweating it out in the cold in a virtually 'monkey-deywork, baboon-dey-chop' fashion. News just got to Ghana that Ghanaians are seriously washing horse teeth to earn peanuts in Italy. We used to know about tomato and apple picking, but not 'pepsodising' horse teeth. I never heard about animals needing teeth brushing except some Japanese women allegedly pampering their pet dogs by offering them a once-a-while teeth brush. Sometimes I pause to think whether or not slavery has indeed been abolished. This time around, we can call it unforced slavery - meaning you are not sold into it. You came to enlist yourself. So on your own will you sign a contract to wash the teeth of living things for whole days. If you don't do it, you starve. When a slave works all day long, he or she is given food to keep alive. That is what pertained in slavery of old. Today, slavery has been modernized. They give you motley to buy your own food and they call it wages and you are happy. You think it is your salary - it is not. It is 'fadidi' - money for food. In effect you are still a slave by definition. The only difference is that you have been conned into providing your own food, which is more dignifying than someone dishing out food to you in a plate. To get out of the cycle of working to feed yourself and to square off your board and lodge, you must do two or three jobs. If you cannot break your back that much, there must be an easy way out. Some have been lured into selling drugs on the streets, in drinking bars and designated joints. Some have veered into prostitution. Some have become male prostitutes; I hear a very lucrative option when you get loaded homosexuals who think you have sex appeal. For the females, they end in all sorts of perversion. Is it all strange that Ghanaian couples agree that the husband could go and pick a prostitute to get into a fake marriage to get citizen status? The wife is also mandated to go after targeted rich baldheads to make some quick bucks for the family? For many Ghanaians in the cold, it is warm and cozy. For others, it is a real hustle - having to sell your conscience and sense of decency to make money. Wives have abandoned their husbands to go gold-digging, and husbands have sold their wives into prostitution to get rid of them. After all, it is a matter of survival. And the first law of nature is SURVIVAL. Credit: The Spectator/ Merai Alomele [Email: merarix2001@yahoo.co.uk]