Before I start, let me tell you some secret er; anytime you offer a lady lift in your car for the first time and immediately you want to exchange contacts and she is the first to ask for your phone so that she can save her number herself on your phone, trust me, 90% chances are that you are on your way to ‘victory’. Yeeeeeei! Be smiling because you are winning. Hahahahahaha!

To the men who have no respect for the court and will impregnate their wives when their divorce case is still being heard, be guided. You say you don’t want her again, yet you still have feelings towards her. In fact, the most annoying part is when the couple gets to court after an adjournment and the woman is seen with her protruded tummy smiling at her husband in the presence of the judge.

I think there should be a law tied to the Biblical scriptures that if anyone gets married, there should be no divorce except in cases of spousal violence. The ‘third’ factor also plays a role. Those of us, sorry I mean those of you who claim you love a second person and still go to church, hmmmm!

My wife and I recently travelled outside Accra. On the way, I felt like ‘wee-weeing’ and so parked by the roadside and did my thing there and then and finished it up with the part that annoys everybody passing by – shaking the thing of any left-over drops before packaging it back. She also got down wanting to ‘wee-wee’ but decided to go deeper into the bush. I asked her to come back and do it where I did mine very close to the road where other motorists and commuters could see. She was like: ‘I am a woman and need to hide my privacy from the public”.

Anyway, let’s break the bias! Simple. She just chuckled and continued into the bush. The simple truth is that a man is a man who can urinate by the roadside during a long journey and does not care who is watching and without a woman, what business has Adam got to remain in the garden, wasting everybody’s time?

Have you ever tried this thing on a lady who is proving hard to catch before especially if you were a bad boy like I used to be? ‘oh let me just brush the ‘mouth’ small’. Or you haven’t done some before? Oohhhh you no be guy kraaa if you have not. The last one I did was when I pleaded on my knees begging to just let the ‘head’ enter small so I could ‘feel it small’. Before she knew it, the ‘shoulders’ together with the entire ‘long body’ also entered oo. Hahahahaaaaa! Immorality go kill us o. Sin indeed fascinates and assassinates! Be warned!

Be careful what you want to ‘brush’ or ‘enter’ tomorrow’! if you have nowhere to go, sleep at home. The interesting thing about sin is that you want to sin more once you start it. Now you entered with your ‘shoulders’. Pregnancy comes. You don’t want the lady to born. That’s the intention to commit crime. Then you attempt to help the girl clear it using an unorthodox means. She develops complications. You are building up your portfolio of one sin leading to the other.

Then the unfortunate happens right in your room. Your world comes to a standstill as to whether you are dreaming. Your newly wedded wife is also not in town. So you decided not to report it to the police. You then decide to ‘dispose her off’ on your own in order for the law not to catch up with you. But trust me, the law would catch up with you. Your wife and family will eventually know. You may lose your source of livelihood as a result. You become a liability to everybody around you. So you see? Si fascinates and assassinates.

So Faustie was one of my ‘those things’ competing for space in my life just before I got married. We started off as just friends.

Our friendship started from me giving her lift from my junction to town. Initially I didn’t have any interest particularly when she told me as just friends that as for her, she could not date one guy at the same time because men are bad; I was shocked. So I told myself she was a no-go area bcos me I fear disease o but occasionally, the two of us would sneak out for khebab and fruit juice around the locality in the night and then ‘torch’ torch’ started. One of the reasons it’s dangerous to have a close friendship with the opposite sex especially when there is already someone your focus is on.

Then somehow Faustie and I fell in love (lust) along the line but for me, to have known that she does not date one guy at a time, I was like…’she may not be for life. Maybe just for ‘chop chop’ purposes but for marriage? NO! You see your mind? When I said ‘chop chop’, your mind went straight to a guest house or movie house abi? Can’t we chop khebab and any other thing not necessarily chopped with the mouth? You spoil too much, Korshi!

Faustie was very much aware I was in a 5-year old serious relationship that was going to lead to marriage. Never have I ever indicated to her that me and my fiancée had a problem – that trick that most men use in order to enter ‘nets’.

Apparently, her intentions were to enter my life and possibly overthrow the original fiancee and the biggest mistake I made was that she was a close neighbour but bcos we knew it was just a fling, I thought she would respect that and not come to my house unexpectedly. But one day, my fiancée and I were watching cartoons after eating fufu and ‘eating ourselves'. I was just lucky o.

But I was blunt with her that I couldn’t afford to disappoint my first love. But she persisted with all the styles that would make a manpack all his belongings to go and stay with another lady! Even having fun on gas cylinders, we did before. We once nearly set a whole guest house ablaze but for the fact that the guest house had multiple fire extinguishers. Please you need fire extinguishers at home o. You can never tell what could happen and ordinary water often does not solve the problem. Fire extinguishers are far cheaper than some brands of mobile phones that we yearn for! Be there joking with your life and property. It is the reason I have a comprehensive home insurance policy in addition. Surprisingly the premium I paid was very small.

But I promised Faustie one thing that in order not to hurt her I would not let her know when I would be having my wedding. She agreed but… Then two nights to my wedding, we took a stroll to her mum’s place at Tesano. Her mum also liked me paa though I was ugly and still am!

Then in the morning of our wedding, while preparing, I saw a message from her that read: “Congratulations on your wedding day…so our breakfast in the evening is over abi?” I froze as I nearly wore my trousers before wearing my boxer shorts on top because I was confused. People were annoying me with ‘dondooo…ayiflo dondooo! My only prayer was that she should not step near the chapel! She didn’t but I broke her heart! I am feeling guilty since over 10 years now, as pretty as she is, she is still single. She is bitter about men? Indeed the problems some women have are cooked for them by men. Men, we are bad o.

God, please forgive us our promiscuous minds, past, present and hopefully future for we do not know what we are doing!

Have a nice weekend but remember that nowhere cool especially in marital unions. Any marriage that has no conflict is the one with oneself! I am not too sure but I am sure some marriage counsellors might have visited the divorce courts before. All I have self-belief in is that divorce does not separate two individuals but creates problems for generations. Let’s try hard to manage each other. True or false? I don’t know oo