Teacher, you have taught me something; I say I understand. Why exams again? Is this not a matter of trust? If teacher does not trust that I understand the thing he or she taught me and has to conduct an exam before being sure, then he or she has not taught me well, especially French and Maths teachers.

Exam is a spirit; the reason one is never prepared fully! Even when you are about to enter the exams hall, you want to read the last point before entering and still struggle to spell ‘furniture’ and ‘diarrhoea’.

Anyway, congratulations to all Presecans for winning the NSMQ for the 7th time. It’s not because you are the best o; it’s just because you guys are better in handling nervousness on stage than the other finalists.

Nervousness is what exams do to many of us and then ‘fuuuuuu’ or ‘yiiiiiiii’ is the result. If in doubt, ask a typical African footballer on the pitch playing against the likes of Lionel Messi and the African supporters keep cheering their players up to go and score.

Score against who? Messi of CR7? The tension alone can let you pass the ball to your opponent in joy! Presecans, abeg, don’t be too excited. You were just lucky I was not the one you contested against. The way I would have answered all the questions er, hahahahaha!

But seriously you guys are Masters in the game! May I suggest you don’t go into the contest again? You are done. Now you are Hall of Famers in the world of Sciences and Mathematics. Leave the small boys and girls alone to play!

What happens during such contests especially when not well prepared is like knowing that you are broke and you have only twenty cedis on you, and you decide to put the money in the pocket where your handkerchief is. You would have a story to tell and often you are likely to blame some innocent village people for being the cause of your woes. Me, I’ve told you.

If you want to see someone driving a car, with his seatbelt on and at the same time wearing a helmet, then come to Kasoa, an interesting ‘tourist attraction’ and one of the most fascinating places of abode. If you wish to see someone joining public transport all the way to the mall just to use the washrooms and not buy anything, look no further. Ghana’s most expensive tourist township is waiting. Kasoa is the name, hahahaha!

Welcome to the ‘useless column’ where no one takes anything personal o. Just de-stress and take life easy no matter what you are going through. No be so?

Don’t you want to argue? The only way one can win such an argument with me living in Kasoa is when one can stand my mouth odour. You know, it is very easy to win an argument with me and my smelly mouth.

A Kotoko fan is arguing that Kotoko is the best soccer club and even though you are a dyed-in-wool Hearts supporter, you agree immediately that ‘yes, Kotoko is the best and then you move on. Ajeei. My eyes are paining me sef.

It is interesting how a lot of people are still confused about the geographical location of Kasoa. Is it in Greater Accra or in Central? In fact, no one thinks it is right for a Christian to get married to someone living in Kasoa and I find it as a very fine joke.

Indeed, it is not about the religion per se but the risk of being in the traffic jam, dating someone in Kasoa and at the end of the day, you take another risk of getting married to the person. I just love Kasoa and its environs starting from Awoshie Anyaa, Mallam, Weija, Tetegu, Block Factory, Iron City, Galilea, Akweley, Millenium, etc.

In fact, everything you want in Kasoa, you will get including the most fascinating entertainment centres. Talk of ‘Abonsam gya mu’ (inside hell fire). Here, nobody sleeps o. they jam and booze till daybreak and if you see the luxurious type of cars parked there, you go see why Kasoa gets all the vibes and swag, regardless.

It is only in Kasoa that a stranger punches you in the stomach for the fun of it and expects you to be the one to say “sorry” or else? Ei! If the weather gets cloudy small norrr, we the people of Kasoa and surrounding towns begin to tremble just because of ‘Ata Alla’ area flooding wahala.

There is never any earth tremor where Kasoa will not be on the list. Even when the experts don’t mention it, people will add it to the list for us. I had a friend who lives in a West African country and they experienced an earth tremor. The next thing he did was to send me a WhatsApp message: “hope you guys in Kasoa are safe and nobody got hurt". Got hurt from what?

Different country earth tremor o and Kasoa was the ‘target’! Ei! It is the reason I think the World Cup being hosted in 2026 here won't be a bad idea o. As to what kind of World Cup, I am not too sure. Kasoa? Hmmmm!

Some of the friendliest land guards live around here. They would come to knock at your door and ask if they can help you pound fufu and that they will help you eat the fufu and all they want is only the soup, no meat and fish and they are fine.

Your land becomes fully protected, they would claim. They then go and tell another batch of their friends to come the following weekend to help you pound fufu. The pounding of the fufu is usually not the problem but the fact that in the process, they would be talking saaaa and smelling of sodabi. Kasoa husbands are the best. They don’t go out and leave their wives at home alone. It is not because of anything o; but the traffic!

Make yourself happy and a priority when it comes to your health o, Yawo. One becomes extremely helpless when no more. If you like, pretend to be gone too soon today. Tomorrow, you would be forgotten. Your best friend is very likely to have another programme on the day of your burial and may not attend the funeral. Love yourself first o. From what some of us have come to realise in the current scheme of things, one’s family is spouse and children!

Just pretend to be gone too soon and see how your external family would treat your wife and children! It’s amazing these things are still there. Love your children and wife, invest time and resources in them and you would be ‘good to go’ at any time.

After all, the likelihood of the man ‘going’ first is higher because we do too many bad things! Just make sure your immediate family is well placed and prepare your will. You may never know. If you fail to educate your wife and do your will, and the worst happens [God forbid], the story may not be a pleasant one for those left behind. The worst part is when some boozeman from Kasoa comes to give your wife some coins and wants to ‘have his way’! You have no control but once she is empowered, the focus will be on your children not any unserious man with unnecessary feelings. True or False?

Even some Asaiman people look down on us but we don’t mind! It is just like the talkative telling you “you talk too much”. Anyway, when the lion is ‘weak’, even baby crocodiles play around its mouth.

A retired security man who used to live in Asaiman when he was in active service keeps complaining of building his house in Kasoa. Oh, Daddy! When you ask him about what the problem was with Kasoa, he would have nothing to say exactly.

Many negative things are linked to us. Look at this column for instance; the author lives in Kasoa. Hahaaaaaaa! Very soon when a plane is flying from Accra to Takoradi sef, they would circumvent and go and pass through Koforidua. Finish!  

But if many negative things are associated with Kasowa, I wonder why there is so much traffic congestion to and from there. Kasoa pipos, don’t mind anybody wae. We like ourselves.

After all, the best comes from the West though not this kind of ‘West’. Come and live with us and see real joy – no stress. It is only heaven I am not too sure whether we are all going or not.

Enjoy your weekend and make sure you strive for excellence, not perfection! Live at a place where you have full control of your peace of mind – Kasoa! For those of you who keep making fun of us, leave us alone o, yooo. Jealous people! Hahahaha!