Two days ago after work, the children and I had our usual moment where I catch up on their day and they on mine. During that interaction, my son who is 13, told us how some of his friends made fun of a boy in his class because he is chubby and loved to eat a lot. My antennas went up immediately - I asked him if he joined in and he said he was not part of the bullying but he looked on and laughed because of some of the things the other boys said to him.

Oh God knows how hard I warned him never to join any group of people to ever make fun of anyone no matter the circumstance. I asked him if he could imagine how the “chubby boy” was feeling when they did all that to him. He said he thinks the boy felt really bad because he stormed out of the class and did not even return for the next class. I had to use the opportunity to educate him on the power of words and how they affect people.

My son has to wear braces on his teeth to have some of them properly aligned and I asked him how he would feel if his own friends turned around to make mockery of his teeth. Just the thought of it made him go quiet… I asked again, how do you think this “Chubby boy” would have felt if you had told your friends to stop teasing him and that it wasn’t cool rather than just look on and laugh? He said he is sure the boy would have felt good that at least one person stood up for him. I told him that was my point exactly. Be a person who builds other people and not break them.

I further made him aware that such words and behaviours can shutter a person. It can make people lose confidence in themselves and question their worth.  Just then my oldest daughter cut in saying, “Actually ooooo mummy, actually.” Then she tells us how a friend said some very unprintable words to her during a conversation. She said she just kept quiet and walked away. However, she was pained. She was so pained she did not eat her lunch and when she got back home, she just had a shower and slept off. She lost appetite for the whole day. I hugged her and told her I was sorry about what she went through and the most painful bit is these words were spoken by a close and trusted friend.

I felt her pain and the pain of that “Chubby Boy” as well, because not long ago, I had to deal with a similar situation where out of anger and frustration, a close friend uttered some very vile and damning words to me. In fact, just remembering those words as I write brings back all the hurt and pain. Why do people take pleasure in breaking people with the words of their mouth? Words that leave you questioning your very existence… Why?

Words carry life and they are very powerful  … Let's go back to the story of creation in Genesis Chapter 1 in the Bible- We learnt that the earth was void and without form and then God spoke the words “Let there be light” and there was light – God spoke a lot of things into being in the beginning. Words create, words birth, words build and words give life and if we are created in the image and likeness of God, then our words are that powerful too. The words we speak have the ability to build and create. Why then would we not use the words of our mouth to build ourselves and others? Again I ask, why do we take pleasure in breaking people with our words?

Just as words can build, they can break. Your words can be so vile that, all the recipient wants to do is to disappear and appear somewhere they will be alone so they can take a good look at themselves and into themselves and then question why they exist. They feel so worthless because of those loathsome words you spoke to them. Your words can be completely damaging.

The last time you simply commended someone for how good they looked, did you see how they lighted up? And remember the other day when you said those words of encouragement to your colleague? Do you remember how good they felt? You didn’t have to give them anything or do anything extraordinary, all you did was say some good and kind words to them and that was all they needed to go through their day feeling on top of the world.

People are going through difficult times, people are dealing with so much, people are enduring a lot, people are fighting battles they do not talk about, and people are wearing fake smiles because of challenges… Shall we continue to break them with the words we speak to them until they are completely shattered?

Listen, people have become shadows of themselves because of words spoken to them

People feel worthless because of words spoken to them

People have attempted and committed suicide because of words spoken to them

People second-guess themselves and never show up again because of words spoken to them

Promising, blossoming and thriving lives have been curtailed because of the power of words.

What gratification do you get from speaking such vile, damning and despicable words that just break others?

Similarly:

People have been built because of words spoken to them

People have been motivated and challenged to be the best versions of themselves because of words spoken to them

People have mustered confidence, shown up and gone places because of words spoken to them

People have surmounted hurdles they never imagined they could because of words spoken to them

Which words do you speak? The ones that build or break?

Edem Knight-Tay is Programmes Director and host of Home Affairs at Joy 99.7 FM.

She is strong-willed, confident, empathetic, results-oriented and a strong advocate for thriving families. She has been married for 19 years with 4 adorable children. 

Edem has been a media practitioner for about 2 decades working in various capacities.

She lives by the Biblical principles “love your neighbour as yourself” and “do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.”

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