I grew up in one of the compound houses in Kotobabi here in Accra. There were about 21 tenants (families) in the house. Everybody’s business was everybody’s business. Nothing was hidden. There were no secrets whatsoever.

I remember vividly this man who attempted suicide. He had lost his job and for a very long time had not found anything worthy to do. As I mentioned earlier, everybody’s business was everybody’s business in such houses. His unemployment status was in the open and some people could freely ask his children if their father had found a new job since they weren’t seeing him around as often as they used to.

He had three children who were all in school and they all, including their father, depended on their mother’s meagre earnings from the sale of corn and cassava dough (eblimor kple agbelimor). One could tell that was woefully inadequate. Everyone cooked in front of their room so we all knew what meal everyone was having at what time. They had corn dough porridge (amor kooko) every morning and banku, ground pepper and some flaked fish every evening and people made mockery of them for eating the same food every day. With the benefit of hindsight, I realise we all lived very basic lives back then and did not have it easy, except that they had it a bit more difficult.

One day, as the woman left to hawk her doughs, this man attempted suicide. Many people who have committed suicide have been called out and branded selfish for not considering deeply the effect of their actions on their loved ones. I am however, not sure this man’s actions smacked of selfishness. I look back as I write and I can imagine what pain, suffering and humiliation he went through. I think he was just tired of all the difficulties he was going through with no glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Life for him was just not worth it anymore. He considered himself better dead. The shame of not being able to provide for his family, the mockery and the sheer disregard and disrespect he had from everyone for years was enough. Death to him, I guess, was more dignifying and gratifying.

I recall faintly, that someone wanted to buy corn dough and was told that the man had just entered the room so the buyer should knock. They knocked and called out to him but there was no response. The gentleman who saw him enter the room was alarmed and decided to peep through the window and there he was hanging from the ceiling. The door was forced open, the noose around his neck was cut off, he was rushed to the hospital and somehow, his life was saved. He would have ended it. There were no phones at the time so his wife only knew about it when she returned from hawking. I leave her reactions to your imagination… The news spread like wild fire and the children heard about it before getting back home from school. I am wondering how traumatic that must have been for them.

He was in hospital for a while, got better and came back home. People did not allow him any rest yet. They visited him, told him how wrong his action was, they wondered aloud what he expected his wife and children to do and he was charged by many to get a job immediately.

One tenant who owned a fleet of passenger buses (trotros) offered him a job as a bus conductor (mate) on one of the buses. I want to believe that gave him some relief since he got money daily to support his family but that also came with its own challenges. He was ridiculed and so were his children. The children were always reminded that, their father attempted suicide and he was now a “mate”. He was the oldest “mate” at the Kotobabi lorry station at the time. His age was another “good” source of mockery for passengers and almost everyone at the station, but he persevered and that was how he gradually learnt how to drive and became the driver of one of the buses. Resilience and the fight to provide for his family was the only thing that drove this man.

A woman who does not work or loses her job is no news. Most of us women are encouraged to work hard so we can take care of ourselves and not be dependent on our men, however, a man will have to work to take care his family. Working, for a man, cannot be a thing of choice. It is an assignment, a biblical one at that. It is no news if a woman loses her job, however, it is a major news bulleting if a man loses his job. A woman may decide not to work but a man cannot make that decision. His village witches must obviously be after him and he will need a whole crusade for ever conceiving such an idea. Even if a woman earns more and they both agree that he stays at home to take care of the children while the woman keeps her job, it is considered an anomaly. The woman has used his brains for juju, he is a lazy man and he will be called all sorts of names even though the decision was made by the two of them. A man must hunt no matter what. Even under the most unfavourable conditions and even if it is detrimental to his health and life, he must hunt.

It is common knowledge that, the men are dying faster and earlier than the women but what is worth noting are some of the reasons that account for this trend;

*That men find themselves in more dangerous jobs than women and even if there are women fields, they are very few. For instance Military combat, fire-fighting, working in construction sites, electricals among others. There are hardly women in these fields.

*That men tend to commit more suicide than women – In as much as women are more likely to be depressed than men and have suicidal thoughts, more men actually carry out the act because they are less likely to seek help.

*They avoid the doctor – Men will skip routine check-ups. They would rather man up about how they feel than seek medical help until it is too late in most cases.

There are many more instances that support this trend and they are just pure truth.

There have been uncountable moments when on Fridays in our offices you will find men going round looking for some money to take home for the weekend. Some will tell you there will be war at home if they go back home empty handed.

In my line of work, I have engaged several men who will not be allowed any form of intimacy because some form of financial demand was made of them but they could not fulfil it.#

There are men who go to work and do not look forward to returning home because there is always tension and unrest in the home simply because they do not make enough.

There are men who avoid eating because the last pesewa they have on them is for the upkeep of the home.

There are men who have no form of entertainment and social life because they put their families first and they cannot afford any form of fun or relaxation.

There are men who have unwillingly and unacceptably gone into fraudulent and illegal businesses just to make ends meet and keep their families together.

There are men who have compromised and lost their faith just so they can uphold their families.There are men who are languishing in jail while others have met their untimely deaths because of some risks they took just for the survival of their families.

There are men who will simply take the fall for their families no matter what.
If you have a man in your life who prioritises you and the family, please appreciate him and prioritise him.

• Affirm him
• Be his peace
• Be his place of solace and haven
• Be his strength
• Be his PR manager and let the children know what a hero daddy is
• Be there for him
• Let him miss home when he is away
• Make love to him
• Pray for him
• Speak encouraging words to him

We salute our men, especially the ones who will not rest on their oars until their families and homes are at the top.

Maximum respect to the men who encourage us to chase after our dreams; the ones who do not see us as competition.

Ayekoo! to the men who pride themselves in the achievement and success of their women and families.

God bless the men who are our priests and prayer citadels.

We salute you and we love you dearly.

Happy father’s day to all fathers out there.

Edem Knight-Tay is Programmes Director and host of Home Affairs at Joy 99.7 FM.

She is strong-willed, confident, empathetic, results-oriented and a strong advocate for thriving families. She has been married for 19 years with 4 adorable children. 

Edem has been a media practitioner for about 2 decades working in various capacities.

She lives by the Biblical principles “love your neighbour as yourself” and “do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.”