Hi Ralph,

When Andy, my colleague at work, informed me that you had expressed interest in me, I was a bit surprised. I wondered how a patient coming for a suture at the hospital would show interest in a nurse performing her duties.

Though these happenings are not so uncommon in the health sector, I never conceived I would be a victim.

However, I wasn’t so much enthused about your wanting us to get close so we take the next step towards marriage.

My instinct told me otherwise. I just felt something wasn’t right about you the very moment we had our first conversation.

Not too long, I noticed your possessiveness. You began questioning my activities; “where have you been and why haven’t you been in touch?” You knew the nature of my job and how demanding it could be sometimes yet you turned a blind eye to all that.  It was intentional when I asked you, “Why did you end your last relationship?”

I wanted to know if it had any bearings to how you were treating me. You said, “I caught her cheating with a guy who was my junior in secondary school.”

The next day, in one of our conversations, you gave another version of the story of your breakup with your ex. You said, “She cheated on me with an admirably talented instrumentalist in our church.”  

I didn’t question you on the contrary information you had given me because I knew that you couldn’t be trusted and you had too many different things to say at a time.

One day you’ll say, “I had an opportunity to travel outside the country when a lady friend on Facebook invited me to Turkey.” The next time the story would be different; “A travel and tour agency was organizing a trip and I took advantage of that to travel.”  

Hmmm, Ralph, you could lie! Who were you trying to impress, Me? I didn’t need these to say yes to you? You could have just been yourself. But I must admit, I enjoyed your slanderous speeches though. I always had something to giggle and laugh about whenever I was alone.

How can I even forget your frequent ranting about your Uncle whom you said is a Minister in government and all the places you had traveled to?

I am still trying to be convinced if indeed they were even true. You talk too much that sometimes you even lose track of the things you say.

Your incessant questions and nags indeed were irritating but I tried to contain them and always controlled myself to respond maturely to them. Then again, your wanting to get my full attention whenever you passed by the hospital.

I couldn’t risk the lives of patients just to flirt around with you? Ralph, you were very bossy! “If you could be this bossy during the campaign period, what will you become if you finally win the election?” I sometimes asked myself.

I decided not to visit you immediately even though my workplace was closer to your house. I had enough reason to do that because I noticed you withdrawing immediately I said no sex.  

I am not a virgin but sex means a lot to me and I needed to do that with the right person. Not someone I was not even sure if it was going to work.

Moreover, you lived with your family and I couldn’t just be visiting as and when I wanted to? I had to psyche myself up knowing I wasn’t just coming to meet you but will be encountering other members of your family.

Though it wasn’t obvious, I was being forced into something I wasn’t sure yet, I felt within me that you needed me to fall in love with you within the shortest possible time.

But I couldn’t punish myself like that?  Thank God it didn’t take long for me to be convinced I couldn’t have a future with you.

Then finally, I expressed my disinterest. That day, indeed I wasn’t spared of your anger and insults.

You made me know how rigid and unromantic I was. “You’ve left a good man,” you said but I thank God for taking me out of this messy relationship.

One thing you failed to realize, I had positioned myself as such because of the kind of man I was dealing with: You!

I had to be rigid and firm on my boundaries because your behavior was very questionable.

Promising me marriage is not a yardstick for me to be all over you and to ignore all the red flags. Marriage is a necessity but definitely, my happiness was paramount.

We could have given it a try. But everything revolved around you. Listening to you became boring and you failed to listen even when I addressed them – Mr. I’m-Always-Right.

I sit today and say to myself that you’ve lost an amazing lady. You called me a slay queen because I had double-pierced my ear lobe.

You had forgotten the wisdom in the adage that a book should not be judged by its cover. It was just something I loved to do and it had nothing to do with my character. Anyway, you saw those piercings before you wanted a relationship so where from the sudden complaints?

My little advice to you as I pen this letter is that learn to zip your mouth! Not every lady needs to be impressed.

Some of us are looking out for the man in you. A man who understands that marriage is about working together as a team. One who is mature in all facets and speaks intelligently.

You were a braggart and a liar.  I have been through a lot at an early stage and couldn’t entertain any uncompromising behavior from you hence my calling off of the relationship which barely took off.

I wish you the best in your subsequent search and if somehow you meet a woman who likes a bragging man as a partner, you two should have all the happiness you need.

—Bridget