So H.E Kofi Annan never spoke slangs after all the years in the United Nations and across the world and yet my neighbor who spent only one month in the U.S will not let our ears have peace bcosof unnecessary slangs he keeps disturbing us with! ‘Domo’ has really shown us the virtue of modesty and being oneself and not copying bcos everyone is copying; even his Ghana name remained intact. He believed in the principle of ‘Imitation is Limitation’! Be yourself, Man! May the gentle diplomatic soul of Africa’s ‘Morgan Freeman’ (K. Morgan) rest in perfect peace! He did all!

So he gave me a call when I was actually lazying in bed listening to ‘Weekend City Show’ last Saturday. He was in my neighbourhoodand wanted to use the opportunity to say ‘Hi’ with his DaaviLorlortor. He has not changed from his loud ways of doing things, I mean the Assistant PRO of the Ghana Bar Association.

Lawyer Saviour K.Quarcoo, that Tongu boy refused to eat anything breakfast we prepared. According to him, it is constitutionally wrong though traditionally right to prepare a meal for a guest who does not know the source of the ingredients. First, the ingredients must be filed for prima facie (ie on the face of it), and then he (the guest) has to agree in signature whether he and his wife want to eat anything prepared in a silver bowl they have not set eyes on before as that constituted domestic ‘ambiguity’as far as evidence is concerned ab initio! Lawyers would kill us with procedures!

They refused to eat. He left his 2by2 car at my place and we jumped into my 4by2 (pick-up) to visit his brother, Cephas of MTN in my neighbourhood, and guess what was happening as early as 8am in Cephas’ house– fufu was sounding its trumpets! To be frank, that early morning fufu come my appetite paaa o but bcosconstitutionally, they did not know about our impromptu visitation, we refused to eat on the basis of constitutional limitations as that had legal implications. I only managed to silently swallow saliva from the inhalation of the aroma emanating from the fufu soup after which I drunk water and I was fine. I greet you o, Cephas of MTN. Don’t mind Saviour and his wife Pep; they are too ‘legally tight’ about many things. Cephas, please take this as notification that I am coming there to eat fufutomoroow since today is Fridayyyyyyyyyy! I don’t want any legal matter.

In my own case, it started way back in 2005 oo. When she had just completed SHS, I grabbed her and used to tell her small small lies which she believed. I used to tell her, when I was in school I scored A in all my subjects including Maths. “I was always first in Mathematics” and she believed me la ei. Hmmm. I know many of my peers in the inky fraternity had a problem with Mathematics. I used to tell her I was a very good footballer too back in school without her knowing my school team always lost every match in which I played.

I really took advantage of her ‘greenness’ to ‘exploit’ her oo. Her level of understanding then was ‘wow, mewura, you be dope; you be sharp. You be the man!’

She continued with her education to College of Education in Bimbilla. Her level of understanding advanced to ‘I am sorry, Honey; this won’t happen again’. She later entered University and her level of understanding was ‘I disagree with you’.

Now she went to pick a form to enter law school. Where do I go from here…please advisemeeooo. The last time she picked a Masters form, I went for a PhD form. I started but they sacked me for non-performance. She is still pursuing her Masters programme and at home, you can imagine oo, yeeeeei! ‘I know my right’! Ayooo!

Saviour, the Prefect for my Ewe class in Motown, now a lawyer at the Bank of Ghana a few years ago tied the knot with his pretty wife Perpetual at the Legon Interdenominational Church (LIC) and it was a sight to behold. Right from the car park were those highly placed black and white stickers that many Polismen fear in traffic – the Ghana Bar Association stickers. I saw some prominent lawyers and of course my Ewe tutor, Hanson Evenornornyo (Sonbee) who fought me in 1993 for saying ‘Computer’ and that I should have said that in Ewe. Sonbee was still looking fresh with his beautiful and fair wife, DaaviLorlortor! Awwww! I also met one lawyer whom I knew many many years back – this man has never won a single case since he started practising. His clients always take him to court. He was at the wedding too! Hmmm!

Anyway, enough of the unnecessary nokofio. Another unnecessary fact is that the Legon Interdenominational Church (LIC) was where I met Prof Atta Mrik the first time. The chapel was then within the main Hall of the premier Hall, Legon Hall where the late ex Senior Minister JH Mensah was the first JCR President.

Church service was on going and it was time for offertory. In a pure academic fashion, the pastor started the offertory, with Introduction to offertory, Literature review of offertory, Methodology of offertory before we were asked to go and drop ‘the thing’ inside the bowl amidst singing and dancing. That was perhaps the most embarrassing moment in my life as I stood alone clapping while everybody left me to go drop money in the offertory bowl. Aoo! Hmmm, ohia y3 foonfoonpaaoo. I looked so sheepish in my home-used bulubuluboubou apparel and some fine fine ladies from Volta Hall were looking my direction as if to tell me ‘what is this idiot doing here by standing alone? Truth is I didn’t have kapr3 in my pocket. This happened two weeks to the disbursement of student loans and we all know the ‘harmattan’ that comes with such periods. That was the last time I entered LIC until last two years albeit at its new location near the School of Nursing when climbing to the Great Hall from the Business School.

Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Kudje (Esq Square). Madam Perpetual, please when Saviour puts it to you, take it and put it back to him in a feminine style wai – he understands things. You can also treat him like a baby and this is where men forget their senses especially when you turn your back on your way back from the bathroom heading towards the bedroom in his presence with towel around your waist! Do these often when he is upset with you for nothing. 

 If he says he wants to eat fresh fish and banku, tell him you disagree with him because it is constitutionally not right for fish to be eaten fresh but needs to be cooked or smoked first and this is legally appropriate. He will understand. If you ask him for a Toyota Camry, he will provide it subject to the terms and conditions of the manufacturer and the specific chassis number you desire. If he asks for a quarrel, which all of us, husbands deliberately do sometimes, tell him, ‘Adjourned’ or ‘Acquitted’. If he coughs, you sneeze. If he doesn’t know what time it is, tell him, it’sPapaz Pizza time; he will understand! If you are in some form of pain, tell him you need a Saviour and that is his name! Aren’t you lucky, Pep! In fact, Saviour is even luckier because looking at your beauty, shape and Saviour’s ‘asphalt head’, ah!, the beauty gap is too wide for him. God is wonderful. If he is talking on phone and you suspect he is talking to another lady to whom he says ‘melonwo’, don’t worry. He is not telling the person ‘I love you’. Take it that he is referring to the water melon seller! He is too clean for that!

Looking at your pretty face and silky voice, I am more than convinced that you guys are going to have the bliss of marriage till the next 50 years. If you think 50 years from now is too small, I don’t know what you will still be doing here on earth.

Saviour likes gari and beans; give it to him and any other thing that the pastor said is legally doable now. Rub his ‘motorway’ with palm kernel oil and you will see the handsomeness of the man in legal cloak inside the cedi House. Your pet name for him should be ‘Shine shineBorborand he will respond appropriately ‘aooooDaaviLorlortor’ or ‘Nyedzi lo, Nye Kpeyn!

 My only problem with his gari and beans preference is the aftermath of what ‘power badge’ can do at night, brace up for a gas filling station inside your bedroom! Chai! Brother can ‘cough’ from his under after eating gari and beans. It was not easy for the guys in Dorm B of Livingstone House in the Grey City in the Achimota forest in the early 1990’s! Surgeon DrTeddiTotimey of Korle Bu is my witness.

Have fun but feel free to put it to each other with swag and love. Blessing things! Jah!

It is a challenging journey but you can make it fun your own way with Jah as the Leader and your Guide! Respect…Sellasy 1!

Court riiiiisseeeee! Now get out of my courtroom – Orderrrr! Haahahaaa!