The past Sunday produced lively scenes in church. Somehow, the color white dominated congregation wear throughout the nation, and may have signaled one thanksgiving or the other. Suspense heightened when our Pastor asked for extra prayers because ‘Today is the 1st of November;’ that was a fatal tongue slip which found the congregation exchanging uneasy glances, and wondering whether Pastor was not in a hurry for December 7 elections.

1st November would have meant five more weeks of palpitation and suspense; and that’s why Pastor’s instant correction was almost followed by an enthusiastic response of ‘Amen, thank you Jesus!’

Yet the much-awaited Saturday, which has been so long in coming, is about the church as well as politics; for Ghana’s 4th Republic has reached a point where it could be said, ‘Show me your Church and I will show you your Party.’

Is your Church the Bishop with a bushy hair? Oh it’s clear: ‘Eye Zu, Eye Za;’ Or is your Bishop the Pastor with dark hair and grey beard? Of course, he is ‘Eeshi Rado Rado!’ Indeed no matter how hard pastors try to conceal their party colors, their congregations know it from divine gossip.

Knowing this, people looking for new places to worship have made careful calculations to avoid making wrong choices: for example wearing an all-white kaftan to church this coming Sunday (the day after), only to realize the entire congregation is in black. The reason?

‘Our church is mourning. Pastor’s prophecy developed a hitch partly due to climate change and was not fulfilled; and since he threatened setting himself ablaze should his prophecy go wrong, we are not sure whether he is simply late coming today, or he is still consulting His Maker.’

Pastor had indeed assured his candidate there was no cause for alarm, since he was ‘in a comfortable lead.’

As for the phrase ‘comfortable lead,’ the 2016 electoral experience has given it a bad name. When one party officer announced to jubilant party supporters that their Party was in ‘a comfortable lead’ at the end of collation, he meant the opposite and had to take to his heels after he broke the good news.

2024 Flagbearers that have been assured to be ‘in a comfortable lead’ by prophets and pollsters, better advise themselves and begin weeping over their comfortable lead; for the duty of pollsters these days, is to simply ‘poll-down’ rival parties, and ‘poll-up’ sponsors whose batteries are about to die.

As for the prophetic world, it has now become a spiritual stock market, where yield responds to market forces; and there could be several characters that bear similar surnames as ‘God.’ This explains why God, through His prophet could completely rule out a flagbearer today, then change His mind and declare the same flagbearer as winner the next day. I am indeed surprised the social media has avoided screaming headlines like: ‘The Supreme God Makes a U Turn,’ with reference to Reverend Owusu Bempah’s God.

One respected Pastor, Mensa Otabil, feels so scandalized he has bitterly lamented recent developments in charismatic churches. Hear his words:

‘More and more, the congregation is losing confidence in us Men of God. If you call yourself a Prophet, it’s almost like a title meaning ‘Con Man.’ How can we take and abuse such a sacred title that Isaiah had, that Jeremiah had, that Ezekiel had, that Daniel had. We have so commoditized and cheapened it that this noble title almost means Con Man.’

What happens the day after, if Saturday’s voting contradicts what a prophet has said? The great ‘prophet of state’ who has pre-anointed JDM as winner, has decided to quit doing the work of God if his prophecy fails; Madame ‘Agradaa’ a potent lady prophet who has prophesied victory for DMB, has threatened she would abandon Christ and return to trickster days she left behind in traditional worship.

Another prophet earlier said, ‘set my church ablaze,’ if it’s not DMB, leaving out the truth that he worships in an abandoned classroom. A bigger surprise came when a Member of Parliament on TV called on the Studio crew to set him ablaze should his flagbearer DMB fail to win. Then comes the famous Global Analytics, a pollster, who is so sure of JDM he declared him to be ‘in a comfortable lead’ as far back as 2022, and still sticks to his word. The gentleman has put his life on the line.

The agenda behind this new development is unknown, but it could simply be a dramatized plea for sympathy votes: ‘if you don’t want your prophet or pollster to be laid in state this Christmas, simply vote for his Choice.’ But one can as well guess the final outcome in all this. Call the phone number of your false prophet or pollster after Saturday, and be ready for a recorded response:

Sorry, you have called the wrong number.

kyankah@ashesi.edu.gh