Never go to the night club alone o; but if you do and you see somebody dancing and after every single step he takes, he claps his hands, it is not bcos he is such a good dancer or enjoying the song playing or clapping for Jesus o; it is bcos he is either now learning how to dance or covering up on his dancing inefficiency by clapping his hands to deceive only himself.

I have just finished telling you about my own experience last Saturday. Stop looking at my face er! Am I drunk? Hahaaaaaa! Today is Fridayyyy and Jesus wept. You know why? It marks the beginning of the second half of the month of November and the calls have started coming in. Whatsapp messages flooding phones that read: ‘I am broke oo’. The thing mobile money take do us, hmmm!

Ei, did you hear that they say we should kill any stray dog we see in and around the Keta municipality? Good news to prevent rabies but the ‘gooder’ news is that this directive has been extended to cover stray cats too. Kw33333! Keta go jom this weekend roff! I will leave Accra this evening and join my brothers in Kedzi where those male cats have been hiding anytime they see us in town.

As for cats whether they stray or not, we would chase them from their hiding places on to the streets so that they too become ‘stray’ and then we finish them even though the directive only says cats should be vaccinated but as to whether to kill them or not, I don’t think the statement said so bcos killing cats is our medical hobby to help reduce rabies infections even though...hahaaaa! As for gaegogi (i.e, the Korean name for dog meat), we won’t go there.

We would just kill these ‘Canis lupus familiaris’ and bury them or what is the Atlantic Ocean there doing? Ei talk of Korea, that popular car, is it pronounced ‘Hoon-die’ or ‘High-oon-day’? On a rural fm station, and by popular knowledge, it is pronounced ‘Hoon-die’ and on joi fm, they say ‘High-oon-day’. We’ve been calling this car ‘Hoon-die’‘Hoon-die’ for many years and nobody complained. Why now? ‘High oon’ what or Hoon what? Abeg! Masenu! Whether we like it or not it is still ‘Hoon-die’!

On a more serious note, if the directive to clear stray dogs off the streets of Keta for the reasons given, then it is in very good order and I would support an extension of this directive to all other parts of the country. Nothing can be more painful than losing someone especially a child to rabies. I still remember Godsway, the 14-year old son of a poor beans seller at Kokrobite who died from rabies while preparing for his BECE in 2014. He would have been in the university by now. It still pains me paaa…

Some decades ago there used to be the ‘Anti-Rabies Campaign’ and it helped in people CONSCIOUSLY vaccinating their dogs but now...who cares! Dogs, like human beings cannot be predicted; today they are fine; tomorrow they get infected and change their mood. I hope you remember how my dog, Cadafi nearly killed me when it got infected after a fight with an infected paddy. 

Left with me alone, no stray dog should be allowed in town anywhere in the country. I can conjecture that chances of surviving a rabied dog bite is less than 1%! Or you didn’t know? Anyway, the juiciest part of the directive is for the cats too and that makes my heart happy; In fact the cats themselves are happy the dogs are being ‘chased away’! I would be in Keta on Saturday p33333. Even when they are hiding, we will look for them and kill them and show proof that it is a directive. ‘Killing for food and soups’, hahahaaaaa! Saturday soup go jom roff. My only problem is that if it happens that a cat is rabied, would the soup be safe and wholesome for consumption?

According to a statement issued by the Municipal Health Directorate ‘the directive forms part of surveillance requirements to formally notify all stakeholders to be on alert to prevent the burden of rabies in the human population’.

“Even though it has not been confirmed that the dog is infected with rabies, the nature of the bites is highly suggestive’. (Source: myjoyonline November 14, 2018).

Mr Kumi of Ghana Revenue Authority, please if this is the first time you are reading this column, please be informed that you are making a mistake o bcos everything here is ‘useless’; no substance! Everything is abstract; nothing organized here – chaka chaka basa basa as you can see o, yooo! Me I tell you o, yoo. Chief, I greet you o, hahaaa!

Do you remember the guy who was jailed in the western world because he killed a cat and used the meat for pepper soup? He has been released! What a charge! In the cat stock market in Ghana, shares can go up or down depending on how the market behaves on the health of the cats. A healthy male cat (Joseph) goes for GHC60. If it is a female cat (Josephine), it costs GHC50 depending on its marital status. If it is single, please you can’t use it to prepare pepper soup. If it is widowed, consideration is given to the deceased husband (Joseph) for leaving his poor wife behind and she may not be killed, at least not immediately but it will happen. Glaucoma infested cats are free of charge.

You remember Dr. Agbenyega who was living in a 6-floor flat with Dr Boachie? Dr Boachie who had a black and white cat also lived there. In fact, it was a block of medical doctors of different tribes. Dr Boachie was on the first floor of the six storey flat. Dr Boachie’s cat got missing and he started looking for it.

He ignored the occupants of the second, third, forth and fifth floors and climbed the storey building from his first floor straight to Dr Agbenyegah who was on the sixth floor. In fact, he confronted Dr Agbenyega instead of being polite in just asking if he had seen his (Dr Boachie’s cat). Can you blame Dr Boachie? Bcos upon reaching Dr Agbenyega’s room, he could smell light soup on fire emanating from the kitchen.

Dr Agbenyega is his reaction, politely asked whether he (Dr Boachie) had checked from all the floors before the sixth floor, Dr Boachie retorted: ‘why should I waste my time knowing you are the only Ayigbeman on this block’! They are still fighting! Dr Agbenyega is my uncle and I know him when it comes to adadilan!

Now let’s think business. If you have a hotel in Accra and the patronage is low bcos of high rates, please diversify. The diversification will still make you remain in the same hospitality sector, the one with ‘feelings’ – convert it into a movie house. Simple! Reduce the rate and charge per hour. You’d see how people will come. There are some of those hotels that are almost always ‘booked’ not bcos they are booked o, but bcos they prefer short time. If a hotel is supposed to charge say 100 cedis per 24 hours, they can do it on hourly basis and charge GHC20 per hour for short time for you to ‘rest’ and watch movies.

Wey kan movies? Masenu! Multiply that by even 22 hours and the money you’d make is GHC480! Na me I talk. In fact nobody really watches movies in movie houses o; it is just a decoy for doing bad, finish! You remember the day I met a pastor like that in a movie house. We both pretended we didn’t see each other till I went closer to greet him and asked what movies he was coming to watch. He only said ‘God bless you’. I reckon he was coming to watch Jesus film! Hmmm! The day Jesus would come er, hmmm…I pray He gets at least one taxi full of qualified people for heaven.

Whiles advocating a replication of the directive to kill stray dogs in the Keta Municipality in other parts of the country, shall we please on our own go and vaccinate our dogs? And if you know you cannot vaccinate them, please chain them or cage them! Nobody is interested in how nice your dog looks if you cannot vaccinate it!