I have never been much of a social butterfly except when I was with Chris. He always had a way of making me feel safe and less anxious. The moment he left, my social life went downhill and most times my sister Tasha would have to drag me out of the house. This time though I am the one who dragged her out for an event.   

Tasha has never been the best at dealing with life’s stresses so I felt like a little drinking and dancing would help. At least that’s what I made her believe. The truth was that I just wanted to see Sauti Sol perform. From the moment we got there this all seemed like a good idea until Sauti Sol started performing “Feel My Love”.

All I could think about were the moments Chris and I would dance together to this song. He loved to sway me around and sing at the top of his voice.   

My mind was so deep in thought that I could somehow hear him singing behind me. The more I thought about him the more the voice got louder. I snapped back into reality and turned around to look for Tasha only to see Chris holding on to his best friend Suzzanna. The woman I asked countless times about, but he would always act so defensive.   

My body wanted to react, but my head was still trying to digest what my eyes had seen. This was the same Chris that I had taken to the airport a couple of months ago. He was busy singing to Suzzanna while wearing the clothes I bought him and the shoes as well.   

Chris and I had been experiencing communication issues for a few weeks. Before he left, I had asked him countless times about Suzzie and the type of bond they had. Chris hated it when I mentioned her name and so we ended up having an argument claiming that I didn’t trust him. We managed to reconcile before he left, but I still felt like he wasn’t being honest with me.   

For a better context let’s start from the beginning. Chris and I have been together for 3 years. Like normal relationships, we had our fair share of good days and bad days. A few months into our third year, Chris told me that he got the opportunity to study and work in Canada.

I wasn’t comfortable doing long distance but given that he wasn’t doing well financially I agreed. Like the good girlfriend I was, I decided to support him emotionally and financially. In my mind, we were destined to be together forever.   

I sent some money to his bank account since to move abroad you need to have money in your account. Anything else that required money I sorted it out to make his moving process easier. A few days after he landed things were going okay.

We would talk regularly and sometimes we would even have video call dates. As time went by things started to change. Most times when we scheduled a call, he would either have an assignment to do or pending work.  

I didn’t mind at first because I knew that he was handling a lot. However, this didn’t mean that I didn’t miss having him around and talking to him. After a couple of months, Chris and I would only talk during weekends and on voice calls. This went on for a couple of weeks. On the weekend before the Sauti Sol event, we had planned to have a video call. But as usual, he formed an excuse and I let him be.   

The following week we didn’t talk at all and given that he wasn’t posting on social media I figured that he was busy. Kumbe all this time he was spending time with his bestie bestie. I walked up to him and tapped on his shoulder.   

“Oh babe, surprise!” He said after he turned and saw me.   

I’m usually a rational person but seeing Chris holding on to Suzzanna hurt so much to the point that I didn’t care about being mature. I pushed Chris and because he was drunk, he fell quickly into the mud.   

“What is wrong with you?” Suzzie asked.   

I stared at her for a second before pushing her as well. The people around us turned to see what was happening since Suzzie started complaining. I didn’t care about the attention because all I could think about was Chris’s betrayal. I watched as Suzzie struggled to stand up in her short dress which had turned from pink to brown.   

“Babe help me up,” Chris said as he struggled to get up.  

“Are you talking to me or your bestie?” I asked while laughing.   

They both looked at me and I knew that they wanted to call me wild but somehow Suzzie didn’t want to cause any more issues. I left them struggling and went by the food vendors to look for Tasha. During events, anytime she left I would either find her dancing with a random stranger or buying food.   

She had just paid for her food so I grabbed her hand, and we went to the parking area. I ordered an Uber and luckily the driver arrived just in time for me to avoid seeing Chris again.

Judging from my facial expression Tasha didn’t bother to ask what happened. In a way, she knew that when the time was right, I would tell her. The moment we got home I took a shower and went straight to bed. It took me two hours to sleep.   

All I could think about was how Chris had played me for a fool. The worst part was that I would never be able to get answers.

Given how I had acted I knew I had the potential to do even worse if I saw him again. Someone once said that a Nairobi man is only yours when you are together. I guess I got to experience that firsthand.