Orgasms! Who doesn’t love orgasms? You’d be surprised if you knew how many sexually active people, women especially, who have never experienced an orgasm.

I find it quite sad because the rules to giving your partner an orgasm are pretty simple. You can either experience an orgasm alone or with a partner.

In this article, I will show you how you can give your partner an orgasm.

What is an Orgasm?

An orgasm is the experience of intense pleasure culminating, which is followed by a period of relaxation, like a breath of fresh air. The experience varies from person to person, but it can be associated with signs like eyes rolling, legs shaking, heavy breathing, sneezing, flushed skin, etc.

The Orgasm Rules

1. Communication is key

Whether your partner has a penis or vulva, you can give them an orgasm by learning what works for them and what doesn’t work for them sexually. Find out from your partner(s) what their most sensitive spots are and what stimulation techniques work to make them feel good. Find out what their turn-offs are so that you can avoid them. Additionally, find out what their sexual expectations and needs are. Do they require oral sex to experience an orgasm? Do they need to be choked safely to experience an orgasm? Let the information provided guide to please your partner to the point of giving them an orgasm.

• Understand the Human Sexual Anatomy

Before anyone starts having sex, they need to have basic knowledge of the human sexual anatomy. You need to know the most common sensitive spots on the human body, as well as the least sensitive spots. You need to understand what a female-bodied person requires to have a good time during sex. You also need to know that the clitoris is the main pleasure center on a female’s body. There are several ways to stimulate the clitoris, so do your research and learn.

• Improve your sexual skills

You need to learn how to explore all sexual activities the right way to elicit pleasure and orgasms. How do you learn? Watch YouTube videos that show you how to explore various sexual activities; watch pornographic videos with your partner(s) and explore what you see until you are able to give your partner a good time; watch sex instructional videos that are made to help improve your skills; read books and sex manuals like Hot Sex Everyday and practice what you learn; subscribe to blogs about sex; attend sex classes; and so on. 

• Foreplay

Foreplay is usually considered a before-penetration activity when in fact, it refers to anything capable of evoking an erotic response. It includes kissing, sexting, role play, erotic dancing, sexy massage, oral sex, etc. Foreplay needs to be incorporated in your entire sexual sessions, not just before penetration. It should be the main event if you expect to give yourself or your partner(s) an orgasm. From now onward, do foreplay for at least 30 minutes before penetration and throughout the session.

• More Oral Sex

Oral sex is one of the most effective ways to give both people who have vulvas and penises an orgasm. For people with vulvas, during cunnilingus, the tongue has direct access to the vulva and stimulates it well enough, if you know what you are doing. Some people who have penises would choose “blowjobs” over penis-in-vagina sex any day because they get more pleasure from it. So, perform oral sex often if you want to give your partner an orgasm.

• Relaxation

Relaxation is a very important requirement for good sex. Letting go of stress and tension in your body is one way to awaken your ability to respond to sexual stimulation. It makes you more present in your body to avoid mental distractions. You can relax by taking naps together, taking walks in nature, exploring massages before sex, cuddling, etc.  

• Sexual self-exploration

You should know that self-exploration is the foundation of all partnered sexual activities. If your partner masturbates, they have activated their orgasmic response on their own, hence it is easier for you to make them have an orgasm. Self-exploration also makes it possible for you to understand your body better. You get to understand what works for you sexually and what doesn’t. You are able to learn what it takes for you to have an orgasm, and when you are with a partner, you can guide them to give you an orgasm. It’s that simple. So, encourage your partner to explore their bodies sexually if you want to find it easier to give them orgasms.

• Experiment with sex toys

Sex toys shouldn’t be seen as a competition by heterosexual men. They make it easier to experience an orgasm or give your partner an orgasm. There are several types for people who have penises and people who have vulvas. Experiment with vibrators for the clitoris, the G-spot, the anus, etc. Experiment with suction toys, artificial vaginas, dildos, and so on. Try them out with your partner(s) and make it easier to give them an orgasm.

• Stimulate multiple sensitive spots

The more sensitive spots you stimulate in a session, the more pleasure your partner gets and the easier it is for them to experience an orgasm. So, after learning about the human sexual anatomy and after communicating with your partner(s) about their sensitive spots, make it a point to stimulate more than one at a time during sex. You can rub the clitoris with your fingers or stimulate it with a vibrator during penetration. You can suck the nipples while fingering the vagina; you can also suck the nipples while giving your partner a hand job, and so on.

• Have a safeword and set boundaries

Regardless of who you are and what your sexual interests are, everyone needs to have boundaries. There are things that you might never want to do. There also things that might trigger an uncomfortable or traumatic memory that can make sex unpleasurable and make it hard for you or your partner to have an orgasm. It’s important to discuss, set and explore boundaries in every sexual relationship.

What’s more, you need to have a safeword. A safeword is a word you say during sex to halt the session because of discomfort, crossed boundaries, pain, or withdrawn consent. It can be a word with three syllables like pineapple, sunflower, etc. You can also use the words like, red to mean “stop the session,” yellow to mean, “take it easy,” and green to mean, “I’m enjoying it, keep going.”

• Have a way of communicating pleasure during sex

Sometimes during sex, it can be hard to tell whether your partner is having a good time. Some people moan or say it out loud that they are enjoying the session, others do not. It’s important that you communicate about it. Find out from your partner(s) what they do or can do to let you know during sex that they are enjoying what you are doing. It can be grabbing their hand and squeezing it to give them the nudge to keep going. It can be a word you say, like “yes.” Go with what works for you.  

What do you think? Did you learn anything from this article? Do you have any questions? Share them with us!