I had always fantasized this: I am lying on white sheets in a white satin gown with a crystal glass of scotch in one hand and an imported cigarette in the other. 

The orgasm I had minutes before has given my face a heavenly glow and the man sleeping next me is the one you desire in your dreams.

The only hitch in this near-perfect picture is he is not all mine. He is married and he has control over my professional destiny and this is an affair with my boss I am talking about.

I was always this go-getter. Armed with an MBA degree from a premier institute when I got selected for a top corporate firm in the campus interview, it was a given that my success story just began.

Everything was going great. My corporate suits had been bought, my hair is given a more stylish snip, my branded leather bag made me look the part and I could not wait to join my new job in 5 days. Then everything went haywire. My mom developed sudden stomach pain, she was hospitalized and we lost her to pancreatitis.

I joined two whole weeks later an emotionally vulnerable, mourning young girl, unable to concentrate in most of the meetings and on the excel sheets. My colleagues often spoke behind my back about my incapabilities and the fat pay pack I was taking home.

They resented me and I was trying desperately to pull myself out of the darkness when my boss came to my rescue.

A coffee session with him changed it all. He told me what I was going through was normal. The sudden demise of a parent is hard to deal with. He had gone through the same when he lost his father. He had been depressed for one whole year and had lost his promotion even.

I didn’t realize then that a simple bonding over the loss of a loved one would be the beginning of an emotional affair with my boss.

It ended up being an affair with my married boss

Nothing was wrong in his marriage he always said. Two lovely kids, foreign trips, and happy photos on Facebook. But still, he needed to chat with me late into the night on WhatsApp.

I asked him, “Doesn’t your wife mind you chat so late in the night?”

“We sleep in separate rooms,” came the nonchalant reply.

I think that reply took away the guilt that I had been feeling talking to him late and fantasizing about him in bed. I never asked about the wife anymore, neither did he speak. Although, the children featured in our conversations often.

I started focusing on my work and the nasty whispers around my fat paycheck quickly stopped. Although a new set of whispers soon started about a supposed affair with my boss.

But I never bothered because I was not willing to lose what I had got.

The conversations, coffee outings and movies did help me take my mind off my loss. I had moved to a new city and I was lonely.

I craved for someone to talk to, someone to pour my feelings on, the assurance that someone would turn up at my door at 2 am if there was an emergency. He was all of that.

Then we had our first time

The sparks had been flying. A brush of his hands against mine in the movie hall sent my heart racing. Sometimes when he would listen to me intently I would keep staring at his lips. But neither of us ever spoke about physical intimacy.

It was as if we were heading for a storm and feared getting engulfed in it.

I developed a very high fever one day and I was in a delirium. He did land up at my doorstep at midnight with a doctor friend who gave me medicines and I slept off. When I woke up in the morning I saw my boss sleeping next to me in bed. The ice in the ice bag he had been giving me all night had melted, in the way my heart did at that moment.

His mouth was open and a mild snore escaped his nose. I just turned around and kissed him without a second thought. He opened his eyes and kissed me back. Then the kiss quickly became a bonfire that had to be fed. We made crazy love.

My affair with my boss continues

I am 24 and he is 36. I dread to think what would happen if his wife found out and I haven’t even asked him if he has thought about a future for our relationship.

I probably dread that he would say there was no way we could be together and I would slump back into the grief I have just come out of. So my affair with my boss continues.

We meet in my apartment and make mad love on my white floral printed sheets and then after a shower, I walk around in my white satin gown as he watches me.

We go on hiking trips to Sandakphu and holidays in Bangkok and Dubai. I don’t know if we are connected by pure lust or there is love too.

I know I am emotionally dependent on him but his emotions are spread on his wife, children and mother as well.

How I am dealing with the affair with my boss

Well by not thinking too much. The situation is tricky and thinking about it could lead to sleepless nights. I hope destiny knows where we are going. For now, I am up for my promotion and the boss says he’s recommended my name.

I just hope the whispers back in the office don’t snowball into “the chick got a promotion because she is sleeping with the boss.”