Have you ever been cheated on? I have, and finding out about it was very unpleasant, to say the least. I actually wonder sometimes if I’d be less emotionally damaged today if nobody had ever told me that my ex had cheated on me—you know, ignorance is bliss or whatever. She wrecked me for a long time, and to be honest, the effects probably still linger. It’s a really hard thing to come back from. Some people never completely do.

One of the worst things about being cheated on is the inability to not think about why someone you were so close with would do such a thing. And even if they come clean and give you a reason for having done so, you can’t ever really say for sure that they’re telling the truth—since, you know, they’ve already betrayed you in just about the worst way a significant other can and you will never really be able to fully believe another thing they tell you.

There are plenty of doctors and “relationship experts” who will tell you scientific reasons why guys cheat, but I think the best way to really figure it out is to ask dudes who have done it and tell them that you won’t print their name. When you grant someone anonymity, they’re usually pretty forthcoming and honest about what they did and why.

Read you never know, you and your ex’s story might be here

So that’s exactly what I did.

1.We stayed away from sex for too long

“ My girl was going through some tough times, some depression or something even more serious, maybe, but whatever it was, I tried to be there for her emotionally—but she wanted nothing to do with me physically.

“I tried to be there for her, and I like to think that I was, but eventually I went elsewhere for the physical things that were lacking from the relationship. But I couldn’t break up with her. I was worried what might happen. Turns out, though, that she had been cheating on me for longer than I had been cheating on her. That somehow comforts me”.

2. I was more into the other girl than my girlfriend

“I met someone else who I honestly liked spending time with more than I liked spending time with my girlfriend. I like to say that my relationship was on the rocks at that point, but it might be me just trying to somehow justify what I did. But that’s no excuse. If I had any balls, I would have broken up with my girlfriend before pursuing someone else, but I didn’t.”

3.Distance

“My girlfriend moved miles away from me, and we knew it would be tough, but we tried to do the long-distance thing anyway. I hadn’t seen her for a couple months, which meant I’d been sexually starved for a long time.

“One night I hooked up with a girl from work after an office party. I guess I did what I did because of the lack of physical intimacy I was going through. It’s probably the worst thing I ever did to another human being.” 

4.She made me do it

“Let me be clear before I go on: I hate myself for having done this. One Friday night, I went out with a bunch of my friends to a concert. I went with them because I wanted to try a lady in the office, to see what all the raving was about.

“I was hoping that my girlfriend would come with us, but she had to work in the morning. I had too much to drink (about 7 bottles of beer). I lost all inhibition, and before I knew it I was full-on making out with a random girl at the show. I honestly don’t know how long it went on, but when I came back to some sort of realization of the horrible thing I was doing, I bolted for the door and puked all over the entrance of the auditorium the concert was being held.

“Then I took a cab home, sweating profusely.  I was trying to figure out what I was going to tell my girlfriend about cheating on her. I paced around my apartment all night and then after she got off work the next evening, I told her what I had done. I will never take beer like that again. You probably shouldn’t, either. Take it from me.” 

5.I was bored

“I wasn’t prepared to have sex with just one woman for the rest of my life, to be honest. It happens. I don’t really want to talk much about it.”

6. I was still into my ex

“I spent a pretty long time in ‘the friend zone’ with a girl I had completely gone crazy for. I finally gave up on her and got serious with someone else. People always talk about how you want what you can’t have, and there has to be some kind of truth to that because after a couple months of dating the new girl, my friend revealed to me over drinks that she had feelings for me.

“We went home together that night, and as soon as it was over, I was hit with a bunch of horrible feelings. I wasn’t able to resist, and I feel awful almost every day about that because the girl I had started dating was much better for me. When I told my girlfriend about what I had done, she left me and I lost my crush too. I wish I had at least had the guts to break up with my girlfriend before jumping into bed with someone else. Don’t cheat, guys. It’s the worst idea, and nothing good will come from it.”

7. Revenge

One night, my girlfriend admitted that she had cheated on me. I stormed out of her house, met some friends, and then proceeded to get drunk out of my mind. I ended up texting a girl I had hooked up with long before I started things with my girlfriend, and I ended up at her place. My girlfriend and I broke up the next day, but I think that still counts as cheating, even though I felt kind of justified about doing it.”