Let us admit, first of all, that love is NOT sex. You can “un-lovingly” engage in all the sexual activities you can imagine, and still, have no fraction of even an atom of love for each other. True love rather promotes good and meaningful sexual activity in marriage.

Sexual activities outside of marriage destroy existing true love. Fornication activities block God’s blessings and hinder future genuine love and trust in a courtship or marriage.

A basic truth is that love is thrilling and liberating and produces real joy and freedom in relationships rather than bondage. 

The more you love, the more you grow in love, and you will expect more love from the one you love. That explains why you feel more hurt when the one you love disappoints or offends you.

True love corrects; but genuine love also gives ample room for liberty and growth in the life of the person being loved, and freedom plus growth in the life of the receiver of the love as well, which causes more mature and much-needed love to be produced and shared.

Any form of love that restricts, frustrates, competes, despises, ridicules, domineers, controls, suppresses, forces its way into a person’s life, and exhibits selfishness or self-interest, is NOT genuine love.

God created and blessed us with passionate (feeling) love, and wants us to enjoy it. But real love is an act of the will, supported and fueled by passionate, emotional, or “feeling” love.

We don’t use the “feeling love” as the primary foundation to date, court, marry or relate meaningfully to people --- your gas will run out real quick if you do that! The relationship will then become stale, tedious, amorphous (shapeless), and boring.

That explains many of the frustrations in courtships and marriages and all other forms of relationships.

Feelings will always change, but God’s love (agape love) poured into a surrendered obedient heart, and a mind that has deliberately decided to love someone, will always overcome obstacles and continue to love the one. Such a loving person will depend heavily on God’s grace, understand the weaknesses of mankind, and make a conscious effort to DECIDE TO CONTINUE LOVING and constantly refuel and re-shape the tools necessary to maintain the infrastructure of looking out for the best interests of the other person. When this is done mutually, the people involved will always remain in love, support each other, and enjoy each other.

THE THREE BASIC WAYS TO EXPRESS REAL LOVE                                             

Most of us think and believe that when you give money, provide needs, give a special card with a message, visit the one, show up for the person’s celebration, send someone or send something special to the person etc., then you have completed your total expression of love for your lover, partner, or friend. That is far from correct. Men must understand that women, in particular, cannot be simply “bought with gifts”.

To express complete love, you must:

1) Say it

You must open your mouth to speak for the one to hear pleasant and encouraging words from your lips. Women, in particular, are naturally creatures of the ear and need to be fed with nice and encouraging words to promote their growth and maximum fruitfulness. Make it a habit to say things such as “I love you”; “I appreciate you”; “You are the best”; “Thank you for what you did”; “You are sweet”; “You are special”; “I enjoy you so much!” “You satisfy me” etc.

Phone your partner during the day and tell him or her “I am thinking about you”.

2) Do it

Do different kinds of small as well as big things that are good, thoughtful, nice, and kind of loving ways, with pure motives. Try to study people and be able to predict their needs and preferences as best as you can. That will enable you to spark their delight and satisfy them through what you do for them.

3) Behave it

Your general and specific attitude and behaviour must constantly match what you say and do. If your behaviour cannot be enjoyed or trusted, then your gifts and words cannot be trusted too.

If, for example, you don’t care to help your wife around the house, but keep saying nice words to her as to how great a wife she is at home, and buy her gifts plus provision of household needs, do you think she will be 100% satisfied that you totally love her when you cause her to become extremely tired each day? The loving heart that says and does nice things has a bad domestic attitude too?

If you constantly turn your back to your husband or walk away with disrespect when he tries to draw your attention to mistakes you make or gently offers you simple advice as his wife, do you think the man will believe that you completely love him because you give him good love-making plus good meals, and tell him sometimes that you love or admire him?

Sometimes the UN-LOVING MANNER in which the other person would speak and act when his her partner questions the reason for lateness, the use of a certain amount of money, a decision that is taken alone without any input from the other partner etc., can largely nullify any previous words and actions of love.

Real Love must therefore be:

1) Sincere

Genuine from the heart, without ulterior motives.

2) Unconditional

Not based on prior undue judgment of yourself or the receiver, and not subjected to what pleases or does not please you about the giver or receiver, especially personal prejudice, negative information, and past hurts or offences.

3) Open

Visible; Seen by me and clearly noticed by all.  

4) Shown

Demonstrated in the best practical way that meets real needs and satisfies the receiver.      

5) Known

Characterized by giving and forgiving; and confirmed by consistent demonstration of these virtues.

6) Understood

Not taken for granted. Depicting a desire to do God’s will and promoting the welfare of the other person by the words, acts, and attitude portrayed by the giver.     

7) Satisfying

Produce contentment of mind and heart.

8) Complete

Must be done or given fully and not partially.

9) Un-selfish

Must be selfless. Not primarily based on what you will get back as reward).

10) Free

Given and received willingly in freedom, with no complaints and grumbling. Should not result in any kind of control, domination, bondage, improper future demands, or unreasonable obligation or either side. There should be the avoidance of limitations on the liberty of the giver or receiver by trying to buy or enslave the person with what is given or received.

11) Humble

Not done in pride or with a spirit of “showing off”; and not boasting and bragging about it to others.

12) Wise

Not dumped on the receiver carelessly or foolishly, over-done, or over-demonstrated.

13) Necessary

Ensuring that what you do is needed, and not just to impress; or simply getting rid of something you don’t need anymore.

14) Timely

Never postponed when it has to be done at the opportune time.

15) Received

Gladly embraced with an attitude of gratitude.

16) Reciprocated

Love must be shown and given in return.

17) Glorifying

Brings glory to God, and gives you dignity, respect, and dependability on the Lord, plus reliance on each other’s consistent flow of love.

18) Inspirational

Motivating the giver and receiver to grow in the art and discipline of true love that gives, receives, and forgives.

That is why the Almighty, who is the ultimate Author and Source of love says: “Open rebuke is better than secret love (love carefully concealed) --- Proverbs 27:5.

It implies that if you rebuke me openly for me to become a more refined person with excellent character, it is far better than any love that is so concealed within you that I cannot see or feel from you.

Therefore true love can never flourish in secret. It must be demonstrated and done so genuinely, wisely, meaningfully, sacrificially, and consistently.

Thoughts of love are great, where it all begins in your mind --- as you carefully plan to give me and to forgive me.

But, I don’t want you to just “think love” for me. I want you to “show love to me”. I want to “see, believe, trust, and feel meaningfully loved” by you.

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By Rev. Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo.

Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Incorporated (An Evangelistic and Teaching Christian Organization)

Website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com.  Email: kisseadoo@msn.com

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