One of my most profound encounters was with a guy that I met at work. We were both temporary staff, and we were working on a project that would last a month or two, I do not now remember. Most of the other staff working on this project were people I had attended the same school with at some point. So we knew one another quite well and knew one another’s idiosyncrasies and work ethic. It made for easy group dynamics and team work. I was a young woman then. Even a girl.

One of my habits then, at work was to make myself the unofficial “headmistress” who looked out for and over everyone’s job even if it was none of my business. In short, everything that would ensure the project was a success was my business whether or not it was my business.

Of course, my boss didn’t have a problem with my “headmistress” tendencies. The other group members also did not seem to have a problem with it – they knew me enough to expect it and they were ready for it. So they just made sure to do their jobs as well as they could and not have to deal with me on it. There was however this guy I was meeting for the first time on this project. It turned out we went to the same school, but I had never met him during the time we were in school. So this was the first time he and I would encounter each other. Call him Aduah.

Aduah could not stand me, nor could I. He often questioned my authority when I took issue with his work or work ethic, but, I, as was to be expected, would not budge. I would persist, and, I would get what I want. You see, Aduah could not report me to our boss because what exactly was he going to say? Was he going to say "I came to work in the morning drunk and Clara was questioning me on why I was drunk", or that "Clara always kept an eye on my work to see if I was doing my work well although she has not been appointed General Overseer over my work"? What exactly was he going to say to our boss? The other thing was that while I was a pain, I was also the one person you could count on to cover for every team member when the occasion called for it. So naturally, although I was a pain, it was a bit hard to hate me. Aduah thus found that he could not do much about my being in his “business”. So he took it up directly with me, and I with him. Our typical encounters in the morning would be something like this:

Me: Aduah, you look drunk. Did you drink this early morning and how did you come by drink this early in the morning?
Aduah: How dare you talk to me like that? Do you think I am your colleague? We may have the same qualification but I am not your colleague. I am a married man.
Me: (shocked). Who asked about your marital status here? As you just said, we have the same qualifications and we are colleagues here with a job to do. I am doing my job and I am not going to let you slip up and affect my work. So if you wouldn’t mind, can we go over the work, and let me see whether you completed all of yesterday’s assignments? (I would then look at him suspiciously).

Aduah would throw a tantrum with me standing my ground. And then it will turn into something like this?

Aduah: What kind of a girl are you? Don’t you know how to respect men? I am a man and I have a wife!
Me: Why would anyone mistake you for a non-man. And what is it really with you always dragging your wife in when we are talking about work. Were you given this job because you have a wife?
Aduah: If you go on like this, you will not get a husband to marry.
Me: I came here looking for a job, not a husband. And I have the job now, and, you will not ruin that job.
Aduah: I want you to know that I have your type at home.
Me: It is sad you are dragging your poor innocent wife into this conversation, but what I can tell you is that my type wouldn’t marry a man who is always drunk even early in the morning. What kind of a husband too is that? In any case, back to the work. Did you cover all of yesterday’s assignments", I would ask while looking at him suspiciously. I had a huge problem he drank that much, and I made no attempt to hide it.

I realized my last statement about my type not marrying a man who was drunk in the morning “entered him”. But I didn’t care. I however noticed that he looked sober in the mornings after that, but he still looked drunk to me, and I said so. I remember him sometime saying that he no longer drunk in the morning but he continued to look drunk only because of the cumulative effect of his drinking. I rolled my eyes and said whatever.

Our fights reduced only because Aduah realized I would not back down. So he did his work to have his peace. I was happy that the work was going on as it should. Everyone was happy.

Along the line, we were required to make a presentation. I was the one to make the presentation. On the day of the presentation, everyone came very early, sober and looking serious. Everyone was seated about 30 minutes to time. I went to call my bosses for the presentation. They were impressed at the punctuality and the interest. They put this to support for my conscientious work ethic, but I knew better.

I knew none of my team mates slept the previous night. I knew they wouldn’t, and their tired eyes on the day of my presentation confirmed my suspicions. They had stayed up all night pouring through material upon material, waiting to come and get their opportunity to "show me" that I could not be as good as I seemed, and they needed to “show me”. Hopefully, they would get their freedom from “headmistress” after finally showing her who was the “don”. I knew this and chuckled to myself – I found it amusing that they were staying up late to “show me” and I was staying up late to “stick out my tongue” at them with a brilliant presentation. It was serious business, yet it was fun and funny.

As our bosses looked in awe at the punctuality and comportment at our team’s show up, I took the stage and delivered a sterling presentation. When I was done, it was time for questions. The room was dead silent. Then Aduah took the floor. With a lot of pain in his eyes and in his voice, he said something like this:
“It hurts me a lot to have to say this. I say it with no pleasure whatsoever, and I say it with a lot of pain. I stayed up all night pouring over every material just so that I can come and poke holes in Clara’s presentation. I imagined and relished how I would do this. But here I am. I am compelled to say this publicly, with so much pain that, that was an excellent presentation. Her grasp of the concepts was thorough, and there is absolutely nothing I can criticize about this. That is what hurts me so much. But yes, in as much as it hurts me, Clara, I want to say congratulations for such thorough research and sterling presentation”. He then touched on some of the topics and took his seat.

We were all stunned, and we gave him a standing ovation. Us and our bosses. He won our admiration and respect, for his candour and courage. We all acknowledged that what Aduah did was “courageous” and honest. In his speech, he taught us that you can be honest and courageous enough to acknowledge “good” even if it came from someone you did not exactly like. Aduah became the hero of the day. We all talked about him afterwards in glowing terms, and, were shocked to discover, from that speech that Aduah was an extremely intelligent chap, and a great orator too! We did not know until then, thanks to his drinking.

Aduah and I interacted little after that. But someday, before the project ended, I remarked to him that I did not know he was that intelligent a chap, and told him that he didn’t look intelligent when he was drunk. I then asked him why an obviously intelligent chap like him did a stupid thing like getting drunk often and looking irresponsible. He said he hadn’t been drinking in the morning again. I persisted that “but you look drunk”. He noted that it is the cumulative effect of his previous drinking habit. I shrugged and went my way. But he had made a profound impression on me as one the bravest men that I had ever met. I will tell you why some other time.

That Project ended successfully. Our bosses were very impressed with the result. For some reason, they gave us a 50% raise and we all were happy with our additional pay. We went our separate ways, and I would never meet Aduah again.

Some years down the line, I would become a young wife and mother, and would be boarding a flight. I would be sitting somewhere reading a novel while waiting for us to be called for boarding, (we had checked in already). Just when we were called, a certain good looking and rather cool gentleman would approach me. He would give me a half smile. I looked at him blankly. His face did not look in any way familiar. He would call me by name to my surprise. He would then say, “it is me, Aduah”. I screamed. Dude had so transformed that he did not look like himself as far as I could recall. There was no need to be told that he was obviously a “big man”. And, he obviously was not "drinking again". He was successful and he looked every bit successful. We would exchange pleasantries. He was a top executive with a top corporate entity, then, (he told me his job title and company). Before we parted, I realized there was something he wanted to say, but seemed hesitant. I said jokingly, “I haven’t changed much, but you can spit it out”.

He then said rather hesitantly. “I just wanted to tell you that our first born is a girl. My wife and I. We named her Clara. After you. And my wife has a master’s degree now. I am encouraging her to do a PHD”.

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The writer is the Founder and Head of Chambers of Kasser Law Firm, and a Lecturer at GIMPA.