Being a secondary virgin is a choice women attempt to commit themselves more often than men. I think I know one or two reasons why women make such decisions. Some say they used to have sex with their partners so much that, they have never had the chance to become friends. Some felt they were being used. Some say because they made a mistake doesn’t mean they should continue with the same mistakes over and over again, hence a decision to become a secondary virgin. Being a secondary virgin is not ridiculous, or out of the world. Secondary virginity is the ability to control ones self and the commitment (recommitment) to abstain from sexual activity from today until the day you get married. Like most of all the virginity pledges, usually the appeal of secondary virginity doesn’t seem to last long. I believe this is because we don’t make strong commitments and stick to them enough. So we are likely to abandon our promises by repeating the same things we used to do prior to our pledges. REALITY: Virginity is lost just once. I am not sure the circumstances under which you might have lost yours but if you did it, you did it. You cannot get the first time back again. Truth is that, your physical virginity is lost. HOPE/POSSIBILITY:Many are those who wish they could turn back the hands of time to do things differently concerning their virginity. Others believe strongly they did theirs “out of love”, hence could not be said to be a mistake. Therefore don’t regret them. But yet, some make sincere commitment and decision to discontinue their sexual activities until marriage. I think “virginity” goes beyond the physical state. It is the frame of ones mind and attitude. In the Holy Bible, Nicodemus asked Jesus a question in John 3-4; “How can someone be born when they are old? Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!” Jesus answered at verse 5 - “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.” What is my point? With men it will be impossible. But with God, it is possible. When your virginity is broken, it is broken. But spiritually, it is quite possible to start all over again. Forgive yourself and God will forgive you. Once you have been purified by God, you are a virgin in His eyes. Your reputation with your memory might not be cleared. But what I know is cleared is your future with God. ACHIEVABILITY/SUSTAINABILITY:Achieving this transformation without God is impossible. The following are my personal recommendations; First of all, make a firm commitment to save yourself for marriage. Most at times the healthiest thing you can do is to avoid people who tempt you. This will take you away from some people, some places and some things that weaken your self control. Avoid “drink and dial” and cut alcohol intake. Adopt “non physical” ways to show love and appreciation to people. Note that things that go beyond a simple brief kiss could become dangerous. Focus on commitment and self discipline and you will be able to control your impulses. Spend more time to pray and read the bible; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 and Philippians 4:13. My favorite verses. Sometimes, we always try to do right, but we fall. But best thing is that, no limit has been put on how many times a person can restore purity. We can attribute it to drug use; people slip, but they get up and begin life on a clean page. The unique thing is that, God is always patient with all of us. May our guilt not blind our sense of judgment or cloud our thoughts for all is not lost. Know that when God transforms your life, feelings don’t disappear. It’s like natural consequences as disease, pregnancy, painful memories, etc. Therefore, the guilt of loosing your virginity wouldn’t instantly change. But the sting is taken away. If you have made a personal commitment to remain a secondary virgin, stick to it and adopt the “Marriage before sex principle”. May God help us even as we TRY. Good luck!!!