Two separate incidents in the world of sports have caught my attention lately. They happened in the worlds of golf and soccer but both incidents have useful lessons for us on how to end a relationship of any kind - business, love, etc. One incident teaches us the wrong way to end a relationship and the other, the correct way to do so.
We see the wrong way to end a relationship as happened in the world of golf. Steve Williams was the caddie for Tiger Woods for 12 years and was by his side when he won 13 of his 14 major titles. (A caddie is the guy who carries the bag and sticks for the golfer.) Thanks to Tiger Woods, Steve Williams has become the most successful and richest caddie in the history of the game.
A few months ago, Woods fired him and Steve moved on to caddie for Adam Scott who went on the win the WGC Bridgestone Invitational - his biggest win ever. But after the win, Caddie Steve Williams was the one who made the news when he said in an interview that Scott's victory was the most satisfying of his career. He went on, "It's the greatest week of my life caddying - and I sincerely mean that."
Steve's comments attracted a lot of criticism from key people in the golf world who thought it was in very bad taste. Clearly, he was upset with his former boss but people did not take kindly to those comments. In his bitterness, Steve had shown total contempt for the 12 years and 13 major title victories he had shared with Tiger Woods.
Next, in the world of soccer a two¬-year transfer saga came to an end. The actors in this drama were Arsene Wenger, Cesc Fabregas and Barcelona. Fabregas has been with Arsenal since 2003 when he was 16.
Along the way, Arsene Wenger made him the captain of the team. Two years ago, it emerged that Barcelona had begun courting Fabregas and making offers to buy him from Arsenal.
Arsene Wenger was adamant that Fabregas was not for sale. But the issue would not go away. A number of Barcelona players jumped in making comments that Fabregas was not happy at Arsenals. The saga ended when Arsene Wenger finally agreed terms with Barcelona and the transfer of Fabregas was completed.
It was a messy, disturbing saga and when it ended, people expected Fabregas to condemn Arsene Wenger, but when he spoke publicly about his transfer, this is what Fabregas said, “Wenger is a special person to me. He will always be a second father to me. I think if Arsenal wants to keep being the club they are then they have to always be under his control, because he's the best, everyone respects him, and for me, he will always be the best person that I've met in football. I'll never be able to find the words to express my thanks for what he did for me.”
Many of us fail to handle the end of our relationships well. We often leave behind bitter comments that often come back to haunt us.
Steve Williams was hurt because he did not expect Tiger Woods to fire him but his relationship with Tiger Woods has been very good for him and made him far richer than he could ever have dreamt possible.
Besides, when he turned up at the tournament with Adam Scott, the spectators cheered him to indicate their support for him concerning the alleged raw deal Tiger Woods had given him. That should have been enough for him. He should not have gone on to make those comments that put him in a very bad light. This makes any future relationship with Tiger very difficult for Steve.
In the case of Fabregas, his transfer to his dream team had been delayed for two years by Arsene Wenger and yet Fabregas is full of praise for his former manager. This opens the door for any future relationship with Arsene Wenger for Fabregas.
How we end a relationship is as important as how we begin one. The world is round and whatever goes around comes around. The words you speak in a moment of bitterness may come back to haunt you and so we should all be very careful that when we are moving on, we do so without making it impossible for us to have any future relationship with those we part ways with.
There is no easy way of ending a working or love relationship. The fact is it is often necessary for at least one party in the relationship to leave. No matter how and why it happens, when we have to part ways (either with employers/employees or with landlords/tenants or with lovers) we should watch our words carefully so that in future we are not compelled to bite our tongues for what we said when we were moving on.
Let me end with a few tips on how to end a relationship:
• Accept that in life, nothing is forever.
• When a relationship is both working for both parties, it is necessary consider ending it.
• Focus on the future with hope and don’t look back in bitterness and anger.
• Remember the good times. No matter how bad a relationship becomes, there was a time when it was good. Remember those times and burry the bad times.
• Leave good will behind. Be as nice as possible about your leaving. Don’t say too much and if you must speak say only good things.
• Remember that you might meet those you are parting ways with somewhere someday. Leave in such a manner that when you meet them someday you will not have to hide your head in shame.
• Accept that the world is far larger than the one you are leaving behind. So move on with hope and confidence and not with fear and bitterness.
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