Deep down you fear it’s hopeless; you will never meet your one true love. Some guys check you out – but very few ask you out. The ones who do hit on you really turn you off. Your friends can’t tell you why you never seem to attract the right guys. You sit home alone hoping for the phone to ring, and check for your inbox every five minutes to see if Mr Right finally found your profile amongst the millions on that dating site. Wait a minute…When looking for a job do you sit home hoping that some miracle, some employer will come knocking on your door, offering you a job? Of course not? You check out the job market, do everything you can to make yourself employable in it, and keep going out and positioning yourself to be hired, until you get hired. So why not be proactive when it comes to relationships? Remember that waiting for a date is a trap, because the longer you isolate yourself from social settings and interactions with the opposite sex, the more out of practice you become and the lower your confidence sinks. No, we are not suggesting that you chase after guys, upend your world or become someone you are not in order to attract the person want. After all, you want a guy who genuinely likes you for who you are. Learn who you are and work with it. Enhance your best qualities, including your feminity and other aspects of your personality and work on projecting these qualities. Heal your wounds and expel your bad habits. Cast your social nets far and wide, and flirt, flirt, flirt. Here is how!!! Personality Be the person you’d like to attract: Would you like a man who is always supportive? Be a supportive woman. Would you like a clean, well-groomed man? Be a clean well-groomed woman. Would you like a respectful, respectable man? Be respectful and respectable. Ask yourself honestly: Are you the kind of person whom you would like to spend time around? Would you marry yourself? Warmth: The number one and most universal way to attract people to you is by wearing a smile. Just as you may find that you are more drawn to people who seem pleasant and open, guys will be most drawn to you seem warm, open and relaxed. A smile communicates all these things. Learn the art of small talk, be relaxed and a good listener. Develop a sense of humour: don’t be afraid to playfully tease and joke with others and laugh at their jokes. Work on making your personality shine through communication. Aspects on your personality to project include: your unique interests, hopes, dreams and outlook in life. Self Confidence: See yourself as an attractive, desirable and worthy woman. It will show in the way you express and carry yourself. Others will be fascinated, sensing there is “just something about you” and want to know more about what makes you special. Feminity: Generally speaking, men need to feel needed. • Let a man be a gentleman. Don’t feel funny about permitting him to hold the door for you, carry your bags, pull your chairs and pay for dates. Most men will find it a pleasure to do these things for you when you smile and thank them sweetly. It truly brightens a man’s day to feel he could help you in some way, no matter how small, and to know he could put a smile on your face, if only for some fleet seconds. Your smile is positive reinforcement and encourages him to continue. Just avoid projecting an air of entitlement to it, and even men who never will even consider chivalry will be tripping over themselves for a chance to assist you. If you seem to demand it, though, he will resent you. If at some point you don’t require that man’s help, simply say: “No thank you” – preferably with a smile. • If you are not interested in a particular man who asks you out, be graceful in turning down his advances. While you should not tolerate disrespect or danger from ruffians, you should avoid being unnecessarily rude. While it may seem amusing for you and your friends to shoot a guy down rudely, the men in the vicinity whom you’d actually like to approach you will be unlikely to do so if they think it will lead to public humiliation. • Relax, don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your man and allow him to comfort you when you are hurting. • Don’t be afraid to allow your man to handle the situation if someone does you wrong. Wellnes: Is your attitude towards your ex or the opposite sex negative? Are you constantly ranting and complaining about something or everything? Are you stressed to make the max while your life is spinning out of control? Men are usually laid back and will be turned off by all this drama. Heal, find inner balance, remove the negative people from your life and find healthy constructive outlets and methods of resolving your current concerns. Appearance Go out feeling like a million bucks: We all have an outfit that makes us feeling like a million bucks – and it’s not about price tag. Maybe you just know in your head when you wear this outfit that you’re working it. Perhaps you turn heads or get compliments from others. Whatever it is that makes you look and feel so good in that outfit, just make that style your own – get more outfits in that style or colour. Be feminine in dress yet discreet: On the one hand, you won’t attract guys if you hide your curves in a burlap sack. On the other hand, sure, you will attract a lot of guys if you let it all hung out. But the attention will only last until the novelty runs out and then it’s on to the next stripper look-alike. Aim for a happy medium. Real men – quality, caring, supportive men who are worth having around long-term – are more complex than the ones who seek an “easy lay”, and will be attracted to you and see you as a keeper when you not only have a pretty face and body but substance and sweetness. Accentuate the positives: Wear clothes suitable for your body type and a hairstyle appropriate for your face shape. Do you have big, beautiful eyes or full shapely lips? Do not be afraid to play up your best natural features with a bit of eyeshadow and lipstick/lipstick, depending on the asset in question. Don’t get too doled out: There is no reason to spend all your money on fake two-inch nails, a $200 bi-weekly hairdo and several pounds of makeup, thinking that this will attract men. It’s unnecessary, as it only matters to most guys that your hair and nails are neat. Many guys find the fake look to be a turn-off, anyway. What matters in terms of looks is that you have a reasonably attractive face and body, are dressed in a way that best suits you and smell good. Invest that money in a long-term fitness plan and stick the rest in a bank. Flirting 101 Stage 1 – Introductory flirting: Spot the guy you are interested in. When you make eye contact, smile, and then look away. Wait for a few beats and then let your eyes wonder over to meet his again and smile. Though it seems simple, it’s actually the best way to communicate our interest and approachability while still not seeming easy. It also works to build his curiosity. Oftentimes, a guy will initiate a conversation at this point. Stage 2 – Approaching a guy…and flirting some more Approach: The best way to approach a guy without seeming easy or forward is by initiating a regular conversation. Choose a topic based on your current situation or environment. For example, if he is reading a book, you may say: “That book looks interesting. What is it about?” This will get the conversation flowing. If you are at a Korean art festival, you might ask him about artifacts, drums dances, singing style and then talk to him about other things you already knew about the culture once the conversation starts flowing. He will be flattered by your interest in his culture and presume you have some interest in spending time with a man of that culture – like him. Another way to open a conversation is to talk to a guy about something you both are interested in. This will be easy if you lead an active life and the guy you like is a member of say, a ski club or has the same university major. Avoid racy or controversial topics such as politics; keep it relaxed and lighthearted. Body Language: While talking, use body language that conveys your openness and enjoyment of the conversation. He may be nervous too, but will be quickly put at ease by your smiles, friendly tone, relaxed and comfortable posture. Never cross your arms, and make sure your head and entire body, including your legs, are facing his direction. If you are both sitting, lean slightly forward, toward him. The amount of space you put between the two of you before getting to know him should depend on both the circumstance and the norms of your culture and his. As the conversation progresses, more prolonged and relaxed eye contact should happen naturally. Stage 3 – How to tell if he likes you…and advanced flirting techniques! People’s body language can tell you a great deal. Continue to take note of his body language before advancing to each stage of flirtation. If he’s giving you signals similar to those you are giving him that is a sign that is a sign that he is warm and receptive to you. Let the flirting proceed. Smile up at him through your lashes. Look into his eyes and stand close. Does he make a lot of eye contact? (Note: Timid guys may look down at the floor a lot…) Does he glance down at your lips? This is a sign that he’s thinking about kissing you. When you get close to him, does he remain in place? This is a sign that he is relaxed and comfortable with you. If he responds to your increased closeness by moving closeness himself, this is a sign that he likes you a lot. However, if he reflexively move away, he isn’t interested or ready for the interaction to get more intimate. Other positives to look for are if he breaths with you and mirrors your gestures and postures. This will usually happen sub-consciously when two people are in sync. If he responds to your closeness, lightly and briefly touch his hands, arm or shoulders to emphasise points you make while chatting. Physical contacts help build intimacy. Give him a complement. Tell him he’s nice or funny. If you are really daring you may even tell him he has nice eyes or his arms look so strong (only compliment a neutral body part though and don’t lay it on too quick). Compatibility Get to know you: To truly know who is right for you, you first need to know who you are. What are your personality traits and core values? Knowing this will help you identify what you need in a man. Do know what you want in a man but keep an open mind. Be true to yourself: While it is impolite and improper to aggressively push your point of view on others and insult them if they disagree, you should not change how you feel about certain subjects or downplay aspects of who you are in order to please people. Having to fake or suppress your true self all the time would make you miserable and the relationship will likely end once the charade fell apart, anyway. In the long run you will be cheating yourself out of a chance to be accepted for who you are or to meet someone else who would. How to tell if he’s a good guy and loves you Does he listen to you? Does he confide in you his innermost thoughts, problems and future plans? Has he taking you to meet his family and friends? Does he take an interest in your life? Does he emphasise with your struggles? Is he willing to sacrifice his self interest for your sake, without even asking? When does a guy commit Just as you likely wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to marry a guy who is several thousand dollars in debt and paying child support to three women while working a minimum wage job and living in his mother’s basement, guys are more likely to commit to a woman whose life seems to be under control. Look like you are together and have your life in order. What do you do for him and how he feels about himself when he is with you are important factors in whether or not he will commit. Get a life No, really. Don’t let the hunt for a man consume your life so that desperation and neediness are written all over your face and weigh down your heart. Stay active and surround yourself with people who are happy with themselves and their own lives. Not only will you be happy when you are active and enjoying life, but you will be far more attractive to other people, including men. Having hobbies and interests and going on adventures will give you intriguing things to talk about. Develop a network of acquaintances as this will enrich your life. Also your acquaintances will match you up with men they know once they know you are looking. Some of the best romantic relationships are formed through social introduction. When you go out be sure at least a good portion of the time to go places where men will be present. After all, you won’t meet men if you are never around them. Go out alone sometimes; guys are more hesitant to approach a gaggle of girls than they are when it’s just you. If you need to go out with you girl pals for safety reasons, step away from the group to give the guys an opportunity to you – but stay within safe distance from your friends.

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