Your marital bed is no longer just for the two of you People will tell you that everything changes in a marriage after you have a baby, and mostly that’s true. But it's not all bad! Yes, that new little person in your lives alters how you see each other (and the world) in copious and profound ways. And yet, there’s a constant: Your husband is always going to be that same man -- your best friend and confidante -- you fell in love with before a certain egg was fertilized, and that’s a good thing. Here’s what happens to many couples when baby’s on board. The first signs of the conjugal bed turning into the family bed start when your pregnant belly starts to encroach on your husband’s side. But once baby arrives, this once-cozy place turns into a hub of activity involving one very needy third party. In the beginning you’re likely either nursing in bed or abandoning your husband there to snooze in the rocker. Even if you swore you’d never co-sleep, chances are good that baby will end up in the bed with one or both of you. Either way, your bed is not what it used to be. Sex isn’t spontaneous... and sadly, it’s rare Okay, so maybe you weren’t the kind of couple who went at it constantly -- but at least you had the option. When there’s a new baby involved, sex is more often negotiated and re-negotiated, planned and then, often, canceled. Early on, intercourse may be just too physically painful. Don’t rush it -- your husband should understand. Then, exhaustion and lack of time can kill libido for both of you. Sure, you can have impulsive quickies during baby’s nap time, but often, if you don’t put sex on the calendar, it just doesn’t happen. So, put it on the calendar! Your boobs will become baby’s property, not hubby’s Perhaps the cruelest fate for a new father is that once the baby is in the picture, his wife’s blossoming breasts are suddenly not. As a new mom, you view your boobs as vessels for carrying your child’s meals; your husband sees them as wonderful, bigger-than-usual playthings. So break the news to papa gently, but this unfortunate situation will last pretty much until you’re done breastfeeding. You’ll fight more often than you used to -- It comes with the territory Since babies are incredibly demanding and sleep is scarce, particularly during the first year, tempers are bound to flare up at home. Do not jump to conclusions about The State of Your Marriage. We promise, things do get easier in the child-rearing department, and the fighting subsides. Seeing your spouse as a father makes you love him even more When the two of you were sans bebe (and let’s be honest, from the very first date), you wondered what he’d be like as a dad. Now you’re finding out -- and chances are, he’s pretty great. Watching your hubby cuddle with your newborn, feed her a bottle or even clumsily trying to master that swaddle can make your heart melt. Weekend “sleeping-in” happens in strict shifts Remember those lazy Saturday mornings after a long week of work, when you’d sleep late and then stay in bed until noon, chatting and cuddling until you headed out to go meet up with friends for brunch? Now, come dawn one of you is begrudgingly keeping your promise from the night before to get up with baby and let the other person sleep in… until maybe a whopping 8:30 a.m. (At which point the person whose turn it wasn’t comes storming in, ruder than any alarm clock, to cash in on his shift.) You keep track of who spends more time watching the baby You don’t want to become that point-keeping shrew who’s keeping track of every child-rearing inequity that’s going on in the family -- but sometimes, you just can’t help it. And of course you love baby more than life itself, but you still find yourself ticking off the hours that you’ve spent watching/changing/bathing her versus the ones your spouse has, and docking him for "shortcomings" like the inability to breastfeed. (Shouldn’t you get bonus points -- in the form of free time-- for being your child’s personal vending machine?) Meanwhile, especially during your maternity leave, your husband probably feels like he’s entitled to some downtime after a long day of work -- and there you are, shoving the baby in his face the nanosecond he walks through the door. It’s totally natural for both of you to miss your freedom. Just try not to harbor resentments toward each other. If you truly feel that you need some “me” time, say so (and plan to return the favor). Your schedule will revolve around the baby's Unless both of you are organization freaks, you probably weren’t discussing and scheduling every minute of your life before the baby came. But now, even if you used to you fly by the seat of your pants, you are obsessively revolving your day around naps, feeding times, and nanny and daycare hours. It’s amazing what this sort of constant planning does to a couple. For one thing, you end up talking and checking in with one another multiple times a day, which can be both fun (you get to stay in closer touch with your hubby) and annoying (inevitably, miscommunications occur in the process, usually involving one of you having to drop everything and drive like mad to get home). What’s even more surprising is that you find yourself settling into a routine that you previously would have found preposterous (see: rushing home from wherever you are on a Saturday at 1:00 PM to be home in time for the sacred afternoon nap) -- and both being totally fine with this. You don’t splurge on one another as often as you used to When you’re married without children, you can spoil each other with gifts. Coming home with, say, that iPad 2 he’s been coveting can get you buckets of love and adulation. But when there’s a baby in the picture, every penny you spend on yourself or your husband feels like a direct withdrawal from the college fund. Being a parent means keeping your selfishness in check (remember all those sacrifices your parents made for you over the years?) and thinking of your child’s needs first. So, yeah, you will occasionally splurge on one another. But, for now, your honey will have to be content with his old iPhone. You go out on “your night” -- and feel like you’re single again Before the baby, you and your husband traveled as a unit, but when you discover the going rate for a sitter (and the terror of leaving baby with anyone who doesn't share his DNA), you start taking turns going out. The good news: This is fun! Re-asserting your role as a friend and an individual (not just a wife and mom) is healthy -- both for you and your relationship with your husband. You feel like you’re collaborating on a huge, important project You are. Complaining aside, having a child is the most amazing journey you’ll embark upon with your spouse. So when you feel frustrated with your husband, think about what a good of a dad he is and how much fun it is being together as a family. Sure, some studies say that people are happier without kids, but it’s no surprise that these studies also say that people with children often feel they have a greater sense of purpose. Working on this major, life-altering project with your husband -- having the sense that what you’re creating together is perhaps more important than just the two of you -- is a strong and wonderful feeling. Source: ivillage.com