1.I don't have any interest in sex. How can I get back to where we were before? Nausea and tiredness in the first trimester commonly depress sexual desire. What is critical to the overall transition to parenthood is that you carve out time to be together, as friends and as lovers. You can begin now, by creating time to be romantic, whether or not it leads to sex. Find ways to be together physically, by taking warm baths, giving massages and increasing the frequency of hugs. All of these activities help keep you physically connected. For women, pregnancy often creates an increased need for physical affection -- a craving that may be greater than the desire for sexual satisfaction. Pregnancy is a wonderful time to explore aspects of making love such as cuddling, holding each other and discovering new positions and new ways of pleasuring. Many women experience added sensitivity during pregnancy and find orgasms lasting longer than when they're not pregnant. But though intercourse can be very welcome, just talking and holding hands can also be very intimate. 2.What can we do when our lovemaking styles just don't mesh? Your marriage is enriched through the perspective you gain from your partner in many areas, and sex is no exception. Each of you brings an important element of sexuality to your relationship. The man may need to develop a level of comfort with the emotional intimacy a woman craves. Likewise, a woman may find that she can delight in the lust her partner desires, once the range of sexual pleasure is widened. Agree to keep an open mind. QUE:My husband and I have very different tastes when it comes to sex. He typically is very fantasy-oriented and likes to incorporate tapes, magazines, and verbal fantasy. I would be quite content with us just staring into each other's eyes. While there may be fantasies going on in my head I don't feel the need to verbalize them. I can accept his desires, but sometimes it's very overwhelming and it dominates our lovemaking, which I feel is reduced to animal lust. I've told him that his "obsession" makes me feel very separated from him and he says he doesn't mean for it to. Is there anyway I can accept his sexuality or should I insist that he conforms to me? ANS by: Gayle Peterson, PhD, a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. The good news is that you are communicating with your husband. The bad news is that you feel his style dominates your lovemaking. Perhaps this is why you are feeling separate instead of close to him. Why not ask for equal time? Increase the range of sexual expression in your relationship rather than turning your lovemaking into a turf war. Take turns pleasing each other. You may discover that your nonverbal sensuality can open your husband to new frontiers of sexuality. It is important that you and your partner experience emotional and physical satisfaction in your relationship. Lovemaking is no different from other areas that you may need to experiment with in order to achieve harmony by learning from each other. You may find that his flavor of lovemaking is more appealing to you when it does not serve as your sexual default. Suggest that your mate learn about your approach to sensuality, rather than conform to your sexual needs. You might want to include an exercise for increasing your attention and ability to engage intimately in one another's sensual as well as sexual pleasures: After bathing together, take turns caressing each other, but avoid genitals and breasts at first. Begin exploring one another's body through touch. Take turns as one person lies nude on the bed, allowing the other to gently stroke their body from head to toe. First lie on your back as your partner strokes you, then on your stomach, allowing him to touch you from your scalp to your toes. Share what kind of touch and stroke feels pleasurable to you. Share what does not. Reverse roles after about 20 minutes. Discover what feels pleasurable to your partner. Does he like a soft stroke? Does she like slow steady pressure or a lighter touch? Share what feels good to you and what does not. Agree to refrain from having "sex" the first time you do the exercise. This will keep you on track with discovering what is sensual, before sexual tensions develop. When you are ready, include genitals and breasts and gradually proceed to full sexual intercourse. If you wish, include looking at one another as you have wanted to do, but also give your husband an opportunity at some point to communicate what he experiences. Your husband may need to develop a level of comfort with the emotional intimacy you are requesting. Likewise, you may find that you can delight in the lust he excels at, once the range of sensual/sexual pleasure is widened. Agree to keep an open mind and do these exercises with the intent of trying to better understand your partner. You are two very different people in many ways. The enrichment of any marriage lies in part through the perspective you gain from your partner in many areas, and sex is no exception! Each of you brings an important and viable element of sexuality to your relationship. Invite your husband to experience the world of your sensitivities. Do not become hurt and upset if he does not at first get it. Simply insist that he learns your language of love as well as his own. There is nothing that either of you will gain from dominating your spouse. But there may be much that each of you can learn from the other. Isn't that what marriage is all about? 3.Is it safe to use a vibrator? For the majority of normal, healthy pregnant women, orgasm is a good release and often easier to achieve due to the increased blood flow to the genitals. It is highly unlikely that using a vibrator would cause any pregnancy complications, so enjoy! QUE: I am five months pregnant with my first child. My husband and I always use a vibrator as part of our sex play. We have stopped since I found out I was pregnant, but would like to begin using it again. Is it safe to use a vibrator while pregnant? ANS by: Peg Plumbo, a certified nurse-midwife (CNM) since 1976. Although there are no controlled studies that I am aware of, it is highly unlikely that the use of a vibrator would cause any pregnancy complications. For the majority of normal, healthy pregnant women, orgasm is a good release and often easier to achieve due to the increased vascularity of the perineum. You may notice a temporary increase in the uterine irritability after orgasm, but this subsides quickly. If it does not, or contractions continue or get more frequent or intense, your care provider should be notified. Orgasm is not recommended for those at risk for premature labor (history of premature labor, early cervical changes, increasingly frequent uterine contractions, history of infections during the pregnancy). 4.How about anal sex: Is it safe Anal sex causes no direct harm to the baby. When having anal sex it's very important to go slowly and use lots of lubrication. Penetration should always be comfortable and enjoyable. QUE: My partner and I enjoy anal sex as part of our lovemaking. We would like to continue if the baby will not be harmed. Is it safe to have anal sex while pregnant? ANS: Anal sex causes no direct harm to the baby. When having anal sex it's important to go slowly. The anal sphincter is a ring of muscle that can be voluntarily contracted or relaxed. Penetration before your partner is ready can result in tearing of the sensitive skin. As part of your foreplay gently insert a lubricated finger, and then two, to be sure your partner is relaxed. Penetration should always be comfortable and enjoyable. If you decide to continue with other love play following anal sex, it's important to always wash the penis well with warm soap and water before reinsertion to avoid a vaginal infection or oral transmission of E. Coli. Because anal sex has been shown to increase the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and HIV, it's important to always use a condom along with a water-based lubricant, such as AstroGlide. (You might want to avoid condoms with spermicides, as they can irritate the sensitive rectal tissues.) Source: ivillage.com