Deep down I know I married my husband because of the love I missed from my father, and I don’t want my daughter to have the same experience. So I write this blog, it’s called, Married My Sugar daddy, (www.marriedmysugardaddy.com) and while I see it as a tongue n cheek chronicle of my experiences being married to a man who is 15 years older than me- if I dig a bit beneath the surface I know that our marriage wasn’t an accident by any means. I’ll admit it- I’ve had a “daddy complex” since the ripe old age of sixteen. It’s not that I didn’t have a father, I did. He was a very loving dada, but having been raised the son of two Holocaust survivors, who I surmise, based on the few sketchy details he’s shared from his childhood, had their own emotional demons to wrestle with and had difficult time demonstrating their love for him. And so, when my father had my siblings and me, I think he was emotionally ill-equipped to let us get close to him. I don’t think he was even consciously aware of his emotional distance from us- I believe that it was his normal and his way of expressing love was providing us with food clothing and shelter- just as his parents had with him. I’m convinced my desire to date older men, stemmed from my need to attain that approval and love form an older man; a surrogate father. I realize now, 11 years into my marriage with my “sugar daddy” that I wanted to find an older man who would provide me with all the things I felt I had lacked in my relationship with my own dad. And, although I love my husband and have almost no regrets about our relationship- ultimately I want to do everything I possibly can to ensure that my tween daughter feels supported , loved and resolves as many issues with her dad as humanly possible, before choosing a spouse. And then of course if she wants to marry someone 15 years her senior- I’ll arm her with a laundry list of reasons she might want to reconsider and then give her a big thumbs up. According to lifestyle coach, and mom to a 13 year old daughter, Andrea Gross www.andreagrossonline.com having a healthy relationship with a father/figure is imperative for a tween girl. This relationship is vital in setting the tone for her future. When a girl grows up with the love and support of her dad, she will undoubtedly emulate this relationship with the men in her future and have high relationship standards. “Kids do what they know. Coming from a loving environment creates a sense of confidence and self esteem for a tween and that is the basis of ALL of her future relationships," says Ms. Gross. “Socially, she will be able to go out into the world with a sense of confidence and therefore meet and attract the same type of boys. A tween who lacks that loving relationship with her father either looks for the attention somewhere else- and can tend to become promiscuous, or faces many insecurity issues from feeling "unloved" by the most important man in her life.” Ms. Gross offers these six tips to help fathers take more of an active role in their tween daughters' lives 1. Make it a point to spend quality time with your daughter. Yes, they are busy and very social at this age so instead of pressuring or demanding them to spend their whole Saturday or Sunday with you, make plans for 2-3 hours so they can enjoy their time with you and also see their friends. You can even set a specific activity/time each week that is your special time together. 2. Get to know their friends. Take a small group of them to dinner and a movie so when your daughter talks about her friends, you know who she is talking about. It’s better than constantly saying "who is JIllian again?” It will make her feel like you are "plugged in" to who and what she is talking about. Instead of “who is Jillian?” you can say, "oh yeah, JIllian, she is very funny". That will create a certain bond you have with her, now that you know her friends. 3. Tweens love to shop and buy clothes, which is a great thing for a father to do with her but do not make it the only thing you do together. As much as they love to shop, they need love and support and that cannot be bought. Try and introduce your daughter to things YOU like – a quick mini golf game, a hand of poker, your favorite restaurant, etc. Let her see who you are outside of the house and outside of the “dad” role so she develops respect for you as an individual and a father. 4. Do some research about what is age appropriate. I recently saw a single father with his 8 year old daughter at Sephora. He was buying her makeup and asked me what he should get. I said, "honestly, get her the bubble gum flavor lip gloss and tell her that is it until she is in high school, and make sure you say- it’s because you are beautiful without makeup.". He actually said, "You’re right, thank you" and I reminded him to tell her she is beautiful as often as he can! 5. Homework is a stressful issue at this age. Ask your tween if she needs any help with any school work. Sometimes they are struggling and do not say anything until it’s too late. Do not wait until report cards come so all you can do is ground her! 6. It is so important for a father to have a healthy lifestyle. Suggest going for a run/walk or play tennis together. Give up the constant McDonalds stop or visit to the ice cream store, eat at healthy places so she integrates those choices into her life when you aren’t around. You will both feel better about it! Source: www.momtourage.com