As a girlfriend, you want to get comfortable, right? To make sure he’ll love you no matter what. He’ll say you look cute in sweats. He prefers you without makeup. You ask about exes and maybe even let your jealousy (or anger or any other unattractive emotion) go unchecked, juuuust to see what happens.

But as a wife, you suddenly realize that you’re going to grow old with this person — in all its wrinkled, sagging, grey-streaked glory. So why waste your youth in sweats? You suddenly realise that this person will be sitting across from you at the dining room table for the rest of your everloving life, so it’s more important to keep the peace than test your limits.

It’s hard to tell whether you’re learning how to be in a marriage or you’re learning how to be in an adult relationship — because they’re one in the same for me. And the pair of little eyes looking up at us, absorbing our words and habits as social norms, is even more reason to grow up. And fast.

Here are 15 things you should do in an effort to sustain your marriage:

1. Freshen up your make up before he comes home.

2. Be very conscious not to say harsh, mean comments to him. Even in the heat of the moment. Damaging his self-esteem has no place in your marriage and you should expect the same in return.

3. You should also conscious not to say mean things about him to other people. Especially friends. Girlfriends have a tendency to vent about their boyfriends, and then feel conflicted when their friends then hate their boyfriends. More than that, it's a matter of respect.

4. Both of you should be clear on putting up a united front – especially when it comes to your children. No undermining, no badmouthing each other, no questioning the other’s authority, etc.

5. Begin to accept his faults rather than dwell on them.  There’s an interesting shift that happens when you realise that a situation isn’t going to change: you change the way you deal with the situation — proactively and logically. And that’s marriage. Quickly finding a solution instead of ‘making noise’ or nagging is better. Or maybe that’s just growing up. Regardless, this has been a game changer for me.

6. Save my pretty dresses for when he’s home on the weekends. Not to impress him, but because you should feel pretty around him. Looking good makes every woman feel good, this makes you a happier person to be with.

7. Make sure he’s heard. Don’t make your hubby feel his voice didn’t matter. It is important that your loyalty is to your husband over your family members and remember that you’re a partnership. His voice needs to have just as much weight as your own. Period.

8. We have separate identities, separate interests, and separate opinions. Neither of you should lose yourselves to the other, or invest all of your happiness in each other. Your happiness is entirely up to you, and so is his.

9. Stop expecting thing from him. Stop expecting him to pick up his clothes from the floor. Stop expecting him to do some of the chores and parenting responsibilities 50 – 50 down the middle. Stop expecting him to compliment your house work efforts. Do everything for yourself.

10.  Just because he does not do things the way you want them done, or at the exact moment you want them done, does not mean he does not do them well. This is something you must learn.

11. Buy prettier things to wear to bed. Simple

12.  He has strengths so do you – in parenting just as well as marriage – and just because they are not the same does not make them any less valid.

13.  You should recognise your faults and work hard to be a better person – not just as a wife, or as a mother, but a person. It is the best you can do.

14.  It should not matter the amount of work you have to do, always make time for him - even if it is watching a football game with him. Some alone time should be top priority.

15. Be kind.

Of course you can’t be a perfect wife or a perfect person. Some of these are works in progress, goal you should strive towards I'm not a perfect wife or a perfect person. Some of these are works in progress, things you sometimes strive towards. It requires conscious effort than you can ever imagine but it can result in a healthier relationship and healthier relationship and a healthier self. At least you can hope.