0n the 23^rd of December, I was involved in an accident. All I can say is that God spared my life. The insurance company is planning to replace the car so you can imagine the impact. God spared my life. I had headache and body pains, ran some tests and I must say I am very fine. I came out unscathed.

I said to someone, the lessons I learnt from that impact changed my outlook of life and it will go on to inform a lot of things and most importantly who I prioritise.

Who would have been most affected had the inevitable happened?

Who was going to spend the rest of their lives missing and needing me?

Who would not be able to replace me for the rest of their lives here on earth?

There are so many people who care but how really would your absence here impact their lives and presence?

We give some people so much priority in our lives but trust me, your absence will mean absolutely nothing to them. Your absence will have little to no impact on them… They will join everybody to eulogise you and pay all the lip services but that will be all about it. Their lives will not be on hold for a minute because yours ended…

We allow people to hurt us and take the better of us when in actual fact, we are not as important to them as we make ourselves feel. We hand over key aspects of our lives and happiness to people who will not feel the impact of our absence.

We are afraid to live our best lives here because we are so invested in what some people have to say about us and what they think of us… But then again pause and ask, what will your loss mean to them? If you will be honest with yourself, it will be NOTHING

Who is that person who claims to love you but bolts in the face of the storm and resurfaces when peace prevails, with stories and excuses, and yet we give them so much leverage and place in our lives?

You and I very much know that, some people are sticking with us and acting all goodie-goodie because of the benefits accruing to them from the association…Honey stops flowing and they will hop on to the next available supplier…

Sometimes it is so evident but we ignore all the signals and foolishly, tolerate and still prioritise these people so much so that, we idolise them and we create bottlenecks around ourselves because they cannot stand certain people around us, and we end up throwing good people away just to please these opportunists…

Who are your prioritising?

How worthy are they?

Will they choose you if they have to choose without consequences?

Will they stick with you through and through?

Are they not choosing you because you are available and convenient?

What will your absence mean to them?

If you become incapacitated, how will it affect them?

Are you not so easily replaceable?

Are you not just an option?

Are you not just being used?

Who are you idolising and making a god in your life? Are they worth that magnitude of importance you have accorded them?

I look back to the accident and the events of that day - how my day began, all the things I had to do in between, the battles I had to fight, the time I spent and the great people I spent it with and eventually when I was ready to head back home, I was involved in an accident that could have been fatal…  Again I ask, who would have been the biggest losers, if the inevitable had happened and were they in the equation that day? Did I even prioritise them at all that day?

I will keep my answers to myself…

If you were in my shoes, who would make it to that priority list of yours? You might want to keep that to yourself as well…

But if you find your answers, make sure they get the best of you every day.

Make sure you make them know and feel that they are your priority.

Make sure you miss no opportunity to let them know how important, how indispensable and how irreplaceable they are to you.                                        

Remember that, for those people, you can never be replaced in their lives. Your absence will indelibly and infinitely affect them. Their lives will be impacted for life and they may even cease to go on simply because of your absence.

Love deeply, live freely, do good, and enjoy life with the people who care about you but prioritise those to whom you are irreplaceable.

About the writer 

Edem Knight-Tay is Programmes Director and host of Home Affairs at Joy 99.7 FM.

She is strong-willed, confident, empathetic, results-oriented and a strong advocate for thriving families. She has been married for 19 years with 4 adorable children. 

Edem has been a media practitioner for about 2 decades working in various capacities.

She lives by the Biblical principles “love your neighbour as yourself” and “do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.”

Amenuveve!