The question has been popped, and you have said yes. You’ve excitedly announced your engagement to all your family and friends. But as you start planning your wedding, you just aren’t feeling it. 

You are having second thoughts. Is it a case of cold feet or something more? Not ready to get married? Are you able to look at glaring signs you’re not ready for marriage or a committed relationship?

Marriage is a significant commitment that requires careful consideration and preparation. However, many people rush into marriage without fully understanding the implications. In this article, we’ll explore the risks of rushing into marriage and provide tips for making a more informed decision.

15 signs you’re not ready for marriage

Marriage is a significant milestone in most people’s lives, but it is not a decision that should be taken lightly. It involves a long-term commitment and requires a great deal of patience, love, and understanding. 

While it may be tempting to jump into marriage, it is essential to know if you are ready for the challenges that come with it. Here are 15 signs you’re not ready for marriage:

1. You have only known your partner a short while

It has only been six months, but every moment together has been bliss. You can’t stop thinking about them. You never want to be away from their side. When not together, you text constantly. This must be love, right?

Not really.

During the first year, you are in the infatuation stage of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you won’t marry your partner one day. But you need time to learn more about this person before committing to them. 

During the first year, everything looks rosy. A few months down the line you could find yourself saying, “Not sure about marriage.”

Making an important life-altering decision while wearing the rose-coloured glasses of infatuation would be a mistake. 

If this is the real deal, love will last, giving you more time to better assess everything about your mate—the good and the not-so-good—so that you can walk down the aisle truly knowing who this person is.

Going for a pre-marriage course or marriage counselling can benefit you in knowing your would-be partner at this stage.

2. You are uncomfortable sharing your deep, dark secrets

A healthy, loving marriage is made up of two people who know each other’s secrets and still love each other. 

If you are hiding something significant, a former marriage, a bad credit history, or a substance abuse problem (even if resolved), these are probably signs you’re not ready for marriage with this person.

If you are afraid that your partner will judge you, you need to work on where that fear is coming from. You want to be able to be authentically you and still be loved when saying “I do.”

3. You don’t fight well

If your couple’s pattern of conflict resolution is one person giving in to the other just to keep the peace, you aren’t ready to get married.

Happy couples learn to communicate their grievances in ways that move towards mutual satisfaction or at least mutual understanding of the other person’s viewpoint.

If one of you consistently gives in to the other, just so tempers will not flare, this will only breed resentment in your relationship.

Before getting married, do some work, either by reading advice books or talking to a counsellor, so you learn how to handle the inevitable conflicts that arise in all relationships.

If you sense that you are not willing to “fight intelligently”, you are not ready to get married.

4. Or you don’t fight at all

“We never fight!” you tell your friends. This is not a good sign. It may mean you aren’t communicating enough about all the hard stuff. More likely one of you is fearful of rocking the relationship boat and not voicing your dissatisfaction about an issue.

If you haven’t had an opportunity to see how you both manage a heated debate, you aren’t ready to join each other in matrimony.

5. Your values don’t line up on the important issues

You love spending time with your partner.

But as you have gotten to know them better, you realize that you don’t see eye to eye on important things like money (spending, saving), children (how to raise them), work ethic, and leisure activities.

Marrying someone means marrying all of them, not just the parts that you enjoy. Clearly, you are not ready for marriage if you are not on the same page when it comes to core values and ethics.

Your values don’t line up on the important issues

6. You have a wandering eye

You hide intimate communications you are having with an ex. Or, you continue to flirt with your office colleague. You can’t imagine settling for the attention of just one person.

If you feel the need for constant validation from people other than the person you are considering marrying, it can be one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.

Marriage doesn’t mean you stop being human—it is natural to appreciate qualities in people other than your spouse-to-be — but it does mean you need to be ready to commit emotionally and physically to your mate.

7. You aren’t sure you are ready to settle down

You get along so well with your partner, yet you sense that you want to date different types of people before tying yourself to just one. 

If that little voice in your head is telling you to sign up for Tinder just to see who is out there, you want to listen to it.

There’s no reason to move forward with a wedding only to find out later that you regret not playing the field a bit more before putting a ring on it.

8. You hate to compromise

You’ve been on your own awhile, and you know how you like your home (tidy all the time), your morning routine (don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee), and your vacations (Club Med). 

But now that you are in love and spending your time together, you are finding that your partner’s habits aren’t exactly the same.

You aren’t comfortable changing your lifestyle in order to blend with theirs.

If this is the case, it is one of the prominent signs you should not get married. So, cancel your order for the wedding invitations.

With time, you may come to realize that in order to successfully merge, you will have to compromise.

When you are ready to marry, this will not seem like a sacrifice. It will come naturally to you as the most reasonable thing to do. That also answers the question, “When are you ready for marriage?”

9. Your friends have gotten married and you feel pressured to settle down

How do you know you are not ready for marriage?

You have been going to other people’s weddings for the past year and a half. You seem to have a permanent seat at the bride and groom’s table. You are tired of being asked, “So, when are you two going to tie the knot?”

If you are feeling left out because all of your friends have become “Mr and Mrs”, expand your social circle to include other non-marrieds. Clearly, you are not ready to get married and are just caving in to peer pressure. 

That is a much healthier way to handle this situation than moving forward with a wedding just because you hate being the last unmarried couple at Bunco night.

10. You think your partner has the potential to change

You want to marry the person your partner is, not the person you imagine they can be. While people do undergo some changes as they mature, they do not change fundamentally. Whoever your partner is right now, that is the person they will always be.

So entering a marriage thinking it will magically change your partner into being more responsible, more ambitious, more caring, or more attentive to you is a huge mistake. Choosing to get married because of this false notion is also one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.

People don’t change just because they exchange wedding rings. 

11. You aren’t fully aware of what you want

You might want to ask yourself, ‘’why am I not ready for marriage?’’ And the answer lies with you only.

Knowing who you are and what you want is crucial before entering into a marriage. You need to have a clear understanding of yourself to build a healthy and successful partnership. 

If you settle down thinking that it might make the picture clearer to you in the long run, you might be up for a mistake. Marriage should be a decision to take after careful consideration.

12. You’re more focused on the wedding than the marriage

If you’re constantly worried about getting all the arrangements done rather than being happy about marrying the love of your life, it might be one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.

If you’re more concerned with planning your dream wedding than building a strong and lasting marriage, then you may need more time to be ready for the commitment.

13. You’re not financially stable

Once the fairy tale sets in, a couple must take charge of their financial situation. It is important for both partners to contribute equally in some way or the other so that the family keeps going. 

Financial stability is an essential factor in any marriage. If you’re not financially stable, it can put a significant strain on your relationship and cause unnecessary stress.

14. You’re not emotionally mature

Emotional stability is not decided by age or thoughts. It must come naturally with experience, leading a person to a wider perspective on matters like marriage and commitment. 

Emotional maturity is crucial in any relationship. If you’re not emotionally mature, it can be challenging to handle the challenges and hurdles that come with marriage. Take this as one of the important signs you’re not ready for marriage.

15. You’re not ready for children

It’s okay to not want children for a certain period after marriage. But if you don’t want a family at all, it might become a problem for your partner. 

If you’re not on the same page about this matter, it might sound unfair to them and contribute to signs you are not ready for marriage and legitimate reasons to not get married.

Children are a significant responsibility, and if you’re not ready to take on that responsibility, it can put a significant strain on your marriage.