A lot of people, if not everybody, are somehow thrown into a state of dilemma when they have to make disclosures in a new relationship.

The confusion is mostly centered on what is relevant to disclose and what is not, in order not to jeopardise the joy and future of the relationship.

"Must I tell it all?" And what should I say?" are questions frequently asked by many in relationships, and it's on the back of that, that your family life programme, Home Affairs on JoyFM hosted by Edem Knight-Tay decided to have a conversation with some family life counsellors and a relationship enthusiast on the topic, "Must I Tell it all in a relationship."

The first to tackle the issue was a relationship Enthusiast, Kobina Ata-Bedu.

He was of the opinion that if the disclosure will not have any bearing on the future of the relationship, then it is not necessary to tell, but if it will have a bearing, for example, you have a child, then you must disclose that because you can't hide your child forever.

"Full disclosure helps you shift the burden of decision to the other party," he explained.

On his part, Family Life Counsellor and Lawyer, Rev. Kofi Boateng said timing is critical when it comes to disclosures because one has to be mindful as to when it's appropriate to disclose anything about themselves.

He advised that before a person discloses anything about themselves to another in a relationship, you must pace yourself according to how much the other person shares so that you are not all over the place telling them everything about you that they don’t have to know.

"On your first and second dates, you may tell them about yourself, your family. You can give a hint about your spirituality, expectations in the relationship, and parental status, maybe you have a child, etc.", Rev. Boateng noted.

He stated that it's advisable to always set boundaries when it comes to intimacy in a relationship because "some people may need to know before they make a move that may make their partners feel uncomfortable."

Rev. Boateng stressed that dating someone is not a business meeting. Therefore, people must desist from talking about their assets and liabilities when they meet potential suitors.

Nicholina Adumoah, another guest on the show, added that "telling it all must be progressive."
In other words, be smart and observe who you are dating, identify what their thought patterns are, sexual orientations, understand what they can take, and what they cannot take and pace how you release information to them.

She, however, advised women not to disclose how many boyfriends they've dated in the past because not everybody can handle such information.

But Kobina Ata-Bedu rebutted sharply saying, "Understanding what your partner can take and cannot take doesn't mean you should conceal information."

He insisted that relevant information must be disclosed when it is necessary.

The host of the programme, Edem Knight-Tay on the other hand, chipped in that it's okay for people to admit that they've been in relationships in the past but it's not necessary to disclose the details of those relationships, especially if they will not come back to hurt the new one.

Addressing the question of when exactly to open up in a relationship, Nicholina said, "After you've seen the person's commitment, willingness, and openness to progress in the relationship."

Kobina Ata-Bedu also mentioned that it's appropriate to tell, " When you become friends, the person proposes, and you realise that the relationship has a future".

"Don't start blabbing on the first day", he cautioned, adding that active listening will help one to understand the other person's values, what he believes in, what he doesn't believe in, what they like and what they don't like.

Rev. Kofi Boateng is also of the view that one must weigh the capacity of the other person in the relationship before disclosing any information to them

"You must weigh how much of their personal lives they are also willing to share with you, and that should guide you as to how much you should be prepared to share at the same time."

To tell, you must look out for consistency in the relationship. Does he honour his promises? Is he showing commitment to you and the relationship? These things will tell you that you're on track to progressing in the relationship for which reason you may need to make certain disclosures, Rev. Boateng advised.

He said people must not probe unnecessarily when the partners they are courting make certain disclosures about their past relationships.

"Don't inquire about what they did with their ex because what they'll say might leave images on your mind that you'll struggle to overcome," he revealed.

So, the next time you want to disclose anything in your relationship, be circumspect about the things you say because they speak volumes about who you are.