How would you define bad sex? Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. If not, you shouldn’t be having it at all. Just stay celibate and explore other pleasure-seeking activities.

While the definition of good and bad sex is pretty much subjective because we all have our own needs, desires, and expectations, there are some things that cut across. When noticed, these things should be a sign that you need to work on your sex life.

It might mean that you and your partner need to have a sit-down to talk about how you can make your sexual experiences better. It may also be a sign that you need to see a third party, a sexuality professional like a sex therapist or sex coach to help you resolve your sexual concerns.

Here are 15 signs of bad sex that you need to be wary of: 

1. Lack of consent 

Consent relates to all partners voluntarily agreeing to engage in a sexual activity. In the absence of consent, sex can never be considered good. It is rape, and the perpetuator needs to be punished for it. So, always ensure that before you have sex, everyone explicitly says yes and agrees to be a part of the session.

Sex in this case includes all sexual activities like sexting, phone sex, kissing, touching, spanking, penetrative sex, etc.

2. Faking orgasms 

Both men and women fake orgasms, so if you find yourself doing it during sex, you aren’t having good experiences. It’s that simple. You wouldn’t be faking an orgasm if you were enjoying yourself.

3. Poor sexual skills

If you don’t know the right way to do anything sexual, you have poor performance skills and you need to work on that. Sex can be so bad when you have sex with a partner who doesn’t know how to have sex. It can make you not want to have sex with them ever again. 

To get better at sex, make use of the internet to find articles, videos, and podcasts that teach you how to go about various sexual activities. 

4.  Little or no foreplay

Foreplay is a very important requirement for good sex. It encompasses any activity like kissing, touching, role playing, sexting, etc., that gives pleasure but does not involve vaginal and anal penetration. 

If you have a vagina, you need sufficient foreplay for arousal and lubrication. Without it, the vagina will be dry, tighter than it should be for good sex, and less spacey to accommodate the penis or sex toy during penetrative sex.

It can make sex painful, which is a big sign of bad sex. 

5. Pain

Sex is supposed to be pleasurable, not painful. So, if you experience pain or discomfort during any sexual activity, it is important that you find out what exactly is causing the pain, so that you can treat or prevent it for amazing sexual experiences.

You might need to see a doctor and talk to them about your experience with painful sex to find out the exact cause for treatment.

6. Vaginal dryness during sex

If the vagina is dry, penetrative sex won’t be pleasurable. There are ways to prevent vaginal dryness, including but not limited to drinking a lot of water before and during sex, prolonged foreplay, hormonal therapy, using vaginal moisturizers, and so on.

Fortunately, personal lubricants exist to ensure that the vagina stays lubricated during sex for an amazing experience. 

7. Sex doesn’t last as long as you want it to

Longevity is a big aspect of good sex because everyone has an ideal length of time that they want to spend having sex before the male ejaculates. This is because men have a refractory period where, after ejaculating, they need time (the length varies) to be erect and ready to have another session.

Depending on how long you expect to last during sex, if the male ejaculates too soon or too late, you might consider sex to be bad. The good news is, you can always find a way to prolong your sexual sessions so that you can have good sex. 

8.  Unmet Needs

It is important to communicate your sexual needs, desires, and expectations to your partner (s). If you expect some things and your partner is unable to provide them, or you are unable to experience them, sex will end up being bad.

It can be oral sex. If you need to have your partner perform oral sex on you in order to enjoy sex, but they don’t, sex won’t be as good as you want it to be. 

9.  Mismatched sexual energies 

Sex is all about energy. If your energy is higher than your partner’s during sex, it can make the experience less pleasurable. You might be giving so much or doing so much to please your partner because you have so much energy, while your partner, on the other hand, does nothing or lies down like a log because they don’t have enough energy to give. 

10.  Mental Distractions

If you find yourself getting distracted during sex by anything like worries about whether you look good enough, financial struggles, unresolved relationship issues, the sound of a truck, nearby church activities, etc., it can take away from the experience.

For sex to be good, your mind needs to be in tune with your body. That way, you can respond to stimulation and feel pleasurable sensations during sex.

11.  Crossed boundaries 

Personal boundaries relate to your sexual limits, rules, and things that you do not want to do or experience in a sexual relationship. Everyone who is sexual needs to have and set personal boundaries.

If anal sex is outside your boundaries, you do not expect your partner to penetrate your anus during sex, even if by accident. When that happens, you might feel uncomfortable, upset, and disrespected. It makes sex bad.

12. Bad Hygiene and Odor 

Perceiving bad odor during sex, be it from kissing, the testicles, vagina, etc., can ruin the experience. No one likes perceiving a bad smell during sex. It’s important that you maintain good hygiene; shower as much as you should; brush your teeth twice daily and before sex; and use mint to maintain fresh breath.

If you have a smelly vaginal discharge, you need to get tested and find out what’s causing it for treatment.

13.  Disrespect

If your partner doesn’t respect you during sex, or uses snide remarks, or says negative things about you or your body, it can take away from the experience. You need a partner who will treat you like the god or goddess you are.

You need a partner who loves your body the way it is and uses words that make you feel respected or appreciated.

Finally, you need a partner who respects and acknowledges your needs, desires, boundaries, and expectations. 

14.  Selfish partner 

Sex needs to be mutually pleasurable; if not, there’s no point in having it. When you do things to please your partner during sex but they don’t do the same for you, you can call them selfish. It can make the experience good for them but bad for you. 

15. Thinking about someone else during sex 

If you find yourself thinking or fantasizing about someone else in order to have a good time, you are definitely having bad sex and you need to do something about it. What is it about the other person that makes you derive pleasure from fantasizing about them?

What do they do that your partner doesn’t do? Communicate with your partner and find ways to make your sexual experiences more enjoyable.

Which of the above signs have you ever noticed? What did you do about it? Do you have any questions? Refuse to settle for bad sex and find ways to have good, pleasurable, and fulfilling sexual experiences.