In Ghana, "Kojo Besia" is a reference to a male who has the tendencies of a female. Being a "Kojo Besia" is one of the hardest things to be in life.

However, some people are born a certain way and that is how the world is. "Kojo besia" comprises two words; Kojo and besia. Kojo is the name given to a male child born on Monday in the Akan society. The latter, means female, also in the Akan dialect. Mentioned together, it implies "Kojo the female".

They talk, walk and sit like how most ladies do. A high-pitched voice, catwalk and crossed legs - and you will know who they are.

But society has a problem with them. They are not your typical standard Ghanaian man. The Ghanaian man is perceived to be masculine, tough and with a deep voice. Most importantly, he is perceived not to be sentimental to the bone.

I’m not your standard Ghanaian man. Have been exiled, persecuted and left so depressed. It wasn’t like this in the beginning. When we were young, society loved us because we were the dynamite at every party, helped in the kitchen and never came looking dirty because of a hectic sport.

It all changed when we hit puberty. In Junior High School, a colleague thought the name given to me at birth didn’t do me justice. So, decided to bestow upon me the name, Tyson Gay – an American track and field sprinter who competes in the 100 and 200 meters, and is very good at what he does. I, incidentally, was not into sports.

I was also paired with a male colleague who was very decent and reserved. He was not your rowdy adolescent boy. Well, it was said that I was his wife. Is it not obvious why this was happening?

In Senior High School, I thought I could alter my being and be like them, the average boy. Hahaha! I failed woefully.

This is where things got worse. Dear reader, meet Moses, my worst nightmare. He is the epitome of the word bully. Moses did not have any problem registering his displeasure for effeminates- "Kojo Besia". The least opportunity he got, he seized it and attacked. It transcended beyond his colleagues and trickled down to his juniors. It was excruciating pain for us because we couldn’t fight back.

That short Tasmanian devil (as we nick-named him) would scream gay!!! whenever he saw me with anyone. “Hey gay, come here,” he would beckon. Not even an iota of respect there. Randomly, he would approach my desk and ask "So you, why are you gay?"

Even in the presence of teachers, Moses would not hold back. During a Social Studies class, he shouted, “Which girl would want to marry you?” Everyone broke into laughter, except the teacher and me. One day, we got into a heated argument and he landed the hardest verbal blow, "I'd rather kill my child if he is like you," Moses said.

I have had cause to write this article because of the Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill 2021 currently before Parliament. The Bill seeks to criminalize the activities of the LGBTQ+ community.

But there is this misconception about "Kojo besias." For many, only effeminates are gays. Are there effeminates who are gay? Of course yes. But are all gays effeminate? No.

In reality, there is a vast difference between behaving like a female and being attracted to the same sex.

However, most documentaries on homosexuality have depicted effeminates as always hitting the street dressed in female clothing and make-up protesting for their right and against the injustice meted out to them as homosexuals. Ghanaian movies such as ‘House of Gold’ and ‘Amakye and Dede’ relied on effeminate characters to portray gays. These scenes though humorous, present the half-truth of reality and fuel the misconception.

Falling on this to judge a whole group, if not cruel and unfair, is wrong and not objective.

At the University of Ghana, first-year students are mandated to study Critical Thinking and Practical Reasoning- UGRC 150. This is done to enable students break away from the stereotypical attitudes as they meet people from different backgrounds. Here are a few of the fallacies.

Confusing correlation with causation

With this fallacy, two things often occur together. Due to the correlation, people believe there is a direct causal relationship between the events. But in actual sense, they are just two events happening simultaneously. Most often, people who fall prey to this idea pass judgment without making a fact-check.

Therefore, not all effeminates are gay.

Grandstanding

This is also called an appeal to the majority, masses, or to consensus. This deals with accepting a conclusion just because the majority says so. If society says Ama is a witch, no matter the investigations carried out or what Ama says, one would always see Ama as a witch because that is what the majority goes with.

This is what fuels the perception that all effeminates are gay- a clear fallacy.

Hasty generalization

It has to do with judging an entire population based on a sample size taken. The basic illustration for this is the assertion that all Ashantis have issues pronouncing R and L in words and all Gas have problems pronouncing H. But interacting with Ashantis and Gas, one would appreciate that just a portion of persons from these extractions have this challenge.

The lessons here are; there is no art to find the mind’s construction on the face. You can’t also judge a book by its cover. You may be surprised by what you find in there.

Speaking from my experience so far, all things being equal, in an anti-LGBTQ Ghana, it goes without saying that bullying of "Kojo besias" would be the norm. It would happen in schools, workplaces and even churches. I just can’t imagine the number of “are you gay?” questions effeminates will be hit with on a daily basis if the Bill is passed into law.

More so when we live in a society where grandmothers are beaten, verbally assaulted for being supposed "witches". This perception has long been with us and despite the laws, these atrocious acts are still being perpetrated.

Whether the Bill is passed or not, misconceptions such as this must be remedied. Evidently, there are effeminates in Ghana who are married with children and are living a happy life. Ghanaians must be educated to know what is right from wrong, particularly at this crucial time.

If the whole story of "Kojo besia" is not told, the toxic masculinity (cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way) that has been fought will begin to creep back into society.

Imagine Moses raising an effeminate child. The child would be compelled to play football, although he may not be interested, just because it is mainly a male sport, so as to toughen him. Moses' son would be forced out of the kitchen because, you know the saying, the kitchen is for girls. That means bye-bye to a future chef.

Moses' "Kojo Besia" would not be able to join the church choir and hit that G5 or C6 notes on the keyboard because his dad would prevent him from singing treble. Essentially, God would lose a vessel that would have helped to do his work.

Worst-case scenario, you would see the headline on online portals; ‘6-year-old boy killed by father.’

The Bible teaches us to try to live in peace with one another and most importantly, love one another as God loves us.

It takes four parts to provide a lovely harmony in a choir. If you kill the "Kojo besia", you will be destroying the diversity of life. All for what? To make another male into your spitting image?

As our elders say, the five fingers are not the same, yet they work together to aid the grabbing of things. Just get injured on one finger and you will catch my drift.

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The writer works with Multimedia Group Limited's JoyNews' online department - MyJoyOnline.com.