I have feedback that some of you really enjoyed the nostalgic feelings I evoked last week with the article on Kwami Sefa Kayi.

I therefore intend to go back there briefly this week, take a break and return on December 6.

Thus, I am revisiting 1999 to talk about how I ‘sold my freedom for food’- KSK’s remark when I informed him about my intention to marry, at the time.

The charge to marry

“… For this reason a man shall leave his parents and be joined together with his wife and the two shall become one flesh… therefore what God has put together, let no man put asunder” - Genesis 2:24.

That statement sounds familiar, doesn’t it? It is part of the statements priests make when administering the marriage vow on those emotions-filled days- the wedding day!

Saturday October 30, 2021 will be exactly 22 years since I answered to this divine call. Unlike many others I know, mine has been very successful. The occasional disagreements notwithstanding, we have been able to apply what I term the 4Cs of marriage - Communicate, Compromise, Cooperate and Complement each other. God has been so good. He even added a bonus- three lovely children- two guys one gal.

Conventionally, Twenty-two years is not ‘celebratable’. I hear it is called copper anniversary. We will therefore start the countdown to the Silver Jubilee in 2024, just before the general elections. God willing.

Before I took that ‘fateful’ decision to tie my destiny to that of then, Ms. Joy Awula Dede Sackey in 1999, I had worked with the Network Broadcasting Company (Radio Gold 90.5 FM) for two years, having graduated from GIJ in 1997.

Within these years, I managed to save something substantial from my first, ¢400,000.00 (GH¢40.00), ¢600,000.00 (GH¢60.00) and finally ¢800,000.00 (GH¢80.00) monthly salary.

Not to mention the equally substantial inflows from T&T garnered from covering various assignments. Please note that I did not take 'Soli'. There is a difference. This will be clarified in a subsequent article.

So, when I received that men-dreaded list from late Mr. Emmanuel Aflah Sackey, I could say confidently, 'let's go ahead'. Here is the list:

No.	ITEM	COST (¢)	COST (GH¢)
1	Agoo	10,000.00	1.00
2	AmƐƐ	20,000.00	2.00
3	Mother-in-law´s cloth (NyƐ ShamƆŋ bo)	30,000.00	3.00
4	Father-in-law´s cloth (TsƐ ShamƆŋ bo)	30,000.00	3.00
5	Money accompanying ring	50,000.00	5.00
6	Engagement ring	100,000.00	10.00
7	Engagement Bible	40,000.00	4.00
8	Necklace	100,000.00	10.00
9	Wrist watch	50,000.00	5.00
10	Jewelry box	50,000.00	5.00
11	Suitcase	100,000.00	10.00
12	Six half-pieces cloth - GTP wax print	70,000.00	7.00
13	Six half-pieces cloth - Holland wax	120,000.00	12.00
14	Two bottles of gin, two bottles of whisky, two bottles of wine, four bottles of soda, four cartons of beer and four crates of minerals	200,000.00	20.00
15	One sewing machine (Singer)	120,000.00	12.00
16	Akunta sekan ( A reasonable sum for the brother-in-law)	20,000.00	2.00
17	The bride price	200,000.00	20.00
18	Hymn book	30,000.00	3.00
19	Six scarves	60,000.00	6.00
20	Thanksgiving	20,000.00	2.00
Sub Total		1,420,000.00	142.00
21	Engagement party	4,000,000.00	400.00
Grand Total		5,420,000.00	542.00

There is nothing like Coincidence

In my article titled, - ‘ɛbi tiyie, ɛbi ntiyie’, Nana Ampadu’s demise and the exposé of Judiciary woes, a coincidence? I underscored the point that there is nothing like coincidence. I posited that everything happens according to God’s divine strategic plan.

Guess who could not hide her agreement with me. Ms. Esther Amba Numaba Cobbah, the spiritual powerhouse and Communications guru- “The perfect timing of the strategic plans of our Almighty God can be described as Godincidence”, she in-boxed me after reading the piece.

Now, please tell me if this is coincidence or 'Godincidence'. When I received the marriage list and I was trying to gather the required resources, a Letter of Invitation from the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) office in Accra was delivered to the Newsroom at Radio Gold.

It was a request for nomination of two journalists to attend a six-week course on Packaging Population Advocacy/IEC messages. God spoke to the Head of News at the time, Efo Kofi Abotchie, thus he selected yours truly and Jacqueline Asante Danso (Darko Mante) to undergo the course. The course ended on 15^th October, 1999.

To cut a long story short, the allowance that was paid at the end of the programme was ‘juicy’. This gave me the verve to proceed with the engagement, on 30^th October, 1999 not caring about the cost.

My vim was given further impetus when my sweetheart, realising the financial implications of the whole endeavor, offered to support in meeting the requirements spelt out on the list. She did, and for 22 years, Now Mrs. Ayettey tops up whenever there's a shortfall. Actually, sometimes, she takes the initiative. When it is time to debrief me, that is when, based on her tone of voice and body language I get the impression that, 'onyayƐa, anka obƐgye'- she hopes for reimbursement. Go ahead, smile.

This article, which was published in the Daily Dispatch Newspaper 22 years ago, is being rehashed for a reason. It is because with the current levels of salaries in both the public and private sectors, vis a vis the cost of living in Ghana (GH) today, I am wondering how my junior colleagues as well as my children, aged between 17 and 21, would be able to find the wherewithal to respond to that charge according to Genesis Chapter 2:24.

Let me hasten to add that, I lived in my dad's house, until I moved into my own 'crip'. As such, huge rent advance was not part of my worries. That's to show that mine was an exception.

Now let's see what the regular situation is.

Marriage in GH Today

Marriage in Ghana has come a long way from days when parents, reckoning that their sons or daughters have come of age, arrange for them to get married to a girl or boy whose background has been thoroughly investigated and found to be clean.

In those days, the young man and young lady had no right to object to the choice of their parents. Somehow, such marriages worked. Very, very well.

Thus, I don’t know whether to say fortunately or unfortunately, but the situation is different today. Any parent who dares impose a man or a woman on his or her son or daughter will meet the displeasure of not just the individuals involved, but society generally. “ŋmƐnƐ ŋmƐnƐ afeƆ enƐ?”- is this practice still prevalent in this day and age? You will be asked.

In Ghana today, sons and daughters themselves bring home their prospective spouses and introduce them to mum and dad. If the parents disapprove of their choices, too bad. In most cases however, mummy and daddy tend to respect the selections of their children, especially if the ‘child’ is considered mature enough to make that ‘fateful’ decision.

Just in case you are wondering why I keep referring to this endeavor as ‘fateful’, it is because, “marriage is one of life’s grandest adventures”- fiercemarriage.com. Indeed, some, mostly women have gone bonkers due to marriage, others have died as a result and many are living in miserable relationships called 'marriage'.

A little digression. In the wake of the LGBTQI+ debate, my colleagues asked for my opinion. I said I don’t have a problem living with gays and lesbians. Indeed, I lived with some in the Central Business District of Accra- Okaishie, sat in the same classroom, same office and in same church pews with some persons who exhibit gay tendencies.

What I can’t accept is my daughter or son walking up to me and saying dad, this is my lover, only for me to look up and see somebody of the same sex standing next to him or her- Tofiakwa!!!.

Back to our conversation. Hopefully, everything goes well. With the appropriate approval, the lovebirds will now be able to start planning for the ‘D-day’.

Statics available at the Registrar- General´s or the Accra Metropolitan Assembly (AMA) should indicate an upward trend in the number of marriages registered. The evidence is in the fact that every day records a beehive of activities at these venues with fresh couples documenting their commitments to each other in ink.

This notwithstanding, I believe these numbers could be higher if more people could afford the cost of marriage in Ghana today.

The marriage process

The process starts with the performance of the knocking rites as alluded to earlier. And I hear some women don’t like this rite to be performed in isolation because some men refuse to perform the subsequent ones, especially in instances where the woman has already delivered a child(ren) for the man. Hmm!

After the ‘knocking drinks’ have been accepted by the woman’s family, which means the young man can go ahead with the other rites, plans could then be put in motion for the engagement and wedding.

These days, the two are mostly done either on the same day or the engagement precedes the wedding by a day or two.

Those who cannot cope with the financial strain that results from such venture, postpone the wedding to several months later. I postponed until 2013 and it is definitely one of my greatest regrets.

Now let us look at the requirements for a typical contemporary Ga engagement.

The accounting principle of Time/Future Value of Money

I got introduced to this principle during my accounting lectures at GIMPA. But my brain had too many issues to deal with at the time to appreciate it. Hence when I thought of the need for it in writing this article, I consulted a Chartered Accountant friend of mine- Michael.

The figures in the table below have been arrived at using the accounting principle of Time/Future Value of Money as explained to me by Mike- PV(1+r)^n. Where ‘PV’ is the amount of money, ‘1’ is a constant figure, ‘r’ is the prevailing interest rate and ‘n’ is the number of years.

NO.	ITEM	COST FROM 1999 (GH¢)	PER TIME VALUE OF MONEY (GH¢) 2021 (22 YEARS LATER)	MINIMUM POSSIBLE  RATES (GH¢) 2021
1	Agoo	1.00	14.00	50.00
2	AmƐƐ	2.00	29.00	100.00
3	Mother-in-law´s cloth(NyƐ ShamƆŋ bo)	3.00	44.00	150.00
4	Father-in-law´s cloth (TsƐ ShamƆŋ bo)	3.00	44.00	150.00
5	Money accompanying ring	5.00	73.00	250.00
6	Engagement ring	10.00	147.00	500.00
7	Engagement Bible	4.00	58.00	200.00
8	Necklace	10.00	147.00	250.00
9	Wrist watch	5.00	73.00	250.00
10	Jewelry box	5.00	73.00	250.00
11	Suitcase	10.00	147.00	250.00
12	Six half-pieces cloth - GTP wax print	7.00	102.00	720.00
13	Six half-pieces cloth - Holland wax	12.00	176.00	900.00
14	Two bottles of gin, two bottles of whisky, two bottles of wine, four bottles of soda, four cartons of beer and four crates of minerals	20.00	294.00	1,000.00
15	One sewing machine (Singer)	12.00	176.00	1,000.00
16	Akunta sekan ( A reasonable sum for the brother-in-law)	2.00	29.00	100.00
17	The bride price	20.00	294.00	1,000.00
18	Hymn book	3.00	44.00	150.00
19	Six scarves	6.00	88.00	240.00
20	Thanksgiving	2.00	29.00	100.00
Sub Total		142.00	2,139.00	7,510.00
21	Engagement party (Including cost of transportation for the Groom’s delegation)	400.00	5,885.00	8,000.00
22	Wedding (Registrar General fees, Clothes, décor, music and catering)	-	-	10,000.00
Grand Total		542.00	7,974.00	25,610.00

I have captured in the third column, how much I spent on the engagement in Ghana Cedis. The fourth column has cost arrived at based on the Time/Future Value of Money calculation and the fifth is made up of what I believe are realistic current minimum estimates.

It is evident from the table above that for a very, very simple marriage in Ghana today, the young couple must at least, ‘jointly, or severally’ find GH¢25,610.00. As noted earlier, the amounts listed in the fifth column are the lowest one could be confronted with on the market.

The cost of the wedding depends on the type chosen. The church wedding involves sewing of suit by the man, a wedding gown by the woman. Clothes to be worn by the pageboy, flower girl and maid of honor have to be paid for.

These days, some people wear traditional dresses made from kente and lace. Some men also choose Kaftan over suit. Cost of invitation fliers or electronic invites and the rings are constant.

Some couples however, make it a quiet ceremony by just signing the marriage certificate either at the Registrar-General’s Department or the Accra Metropolitan Assembly’s (AMA) office with a few relatives in attendance.

This alternative though cheaper, requires strategic planning to reap the full benefits.

Wherefore I ask, can my younger colleagues marry?

The challenge

As shown in the table above, I spent a total of Five Million, Four Hundred and Twenty Thousand Cedis (GH¢542.00) on the engagement. With a salary of Eight Hundred Thousand Cedis (GH¢80.00), I had to save nearly seven months' salary plus the windfall alluded to, to pull the engagement through.

Currently, any couple with intention to marry, would require an amount of GH¢7,974.00 per the time value of money calculations. In real terms however, the least amount needed is GH¢25,610.00.

Given the fact that the average salary for a first-degree holder in Ghana today is GH¢1,600.00 per month, nearly 16 months’ salary needs to be saved before any young man can have the audacity I had 22 years ago, to declare, ‘let’s go ahead’.

How many men can save this amount within the time frame required, to be able to achieve the dream of having a woman as a lifelong partner, helpmate and to warm each other’s bed on cold nights? Many of them can simply, not do so, considering the relatively low levels of salaries and the high cost of living in Ghana.

What I am hearing is that the responsible ones have resorted to buying the above-listed items in installments. As for the irresponsible ones (I mean those who have been made so by the system), they either close their minds to the idea of getting married or have resolved to ‘hit and run’.

Someone may ask, if this is the real picture, how come so many people got married over the weekend? I have hazarded some guesses:

First, as noted earlier, the responsible ones who cannot cater for all the requirements at a goal, have been buying the items in a piecemeal fashion.

Secondly, there are those who contract loans to finance their engagements and weddings.

Thirdly, those who do not have enough money to pay for the above items in instalments, neither do they have collateral security to obtain loans from the banks, steal from their workplaces. They call it ‘Kpakpakpa’. But you and I know this is corruption.

Fourthly, some well-to-do parents play a significant role in the form of financial support to their children when they are about to marry. This mostly substantial support, comes either in cash or kind.

Fifthly, is the fact that some men are helped by their spouses. Some women do as much as giving their already acquired properties like sewing machines, suitcases and clothes for the ceremony.

I know some women will say ‘nbano’- this will happen over their dead bodies. Their fear is that the same man they sought to help will one day put it to them, ‘after all, you engaged yourself.’

I am not an authority on marriage, but any woman who enters the holy matrimony with such a notion will fail. I say so because a cardinal reason why men were assigned the task of footing the bill for the nuptials, was the ‘head of the family’ title. This is borne out of the fact that for a long time, men were the income earners while women took care of the home.

Today, the situation is different. Just as men are helping in the kitchen, bathing the children and taking them to school, some women are shouldering some of the responsibilities that go with the performance of marriage rites. That’s because women are now engaged in various income earning ventures and sometimes earn more than the men.

If the lovebirds happen to be Muslims, ‘Awure; is the way forward. “It is He who created you from one soul and created from it, its mate that he might dwell in security with her…” Quran (7:189).

My research indicates that Islam per se, does not prescribe an expensive bride price. Nevertheless, the situation on the ground is different. It is a big deal. In the Northern part of the country, cattle are taken as part of the bride price. In Accra, the Islamic communities contract marriages in an atmosphere of pump and pageantry with roadblocks and parties. Actually, it is a weeklong celebration.

Against this background, do you think my young Muslim collegues can marry?

As it is, the only group of young men who have things a little easier are those living within traditional set-ups, such as Bukom. All they have to part with, is a bottle of schnapps, sometimes ‘Apketeshie’ and a few cedis.

This accounts for the high rate of pregnancies in such communities. The thing is virtually free. Some of the women even give men ‘scholarship.’

It’s time to go

The charge to marry is clear, both from the Bible and the Quran. Even in traditional set ups, it is an issue. Needful to add though that their emphasis is on procreation.

From the foregoing, it is clear that responding to this directive from God is not an easy venture. Until salary levels for the ordinary Ghanaian worker increase appreciably and parents become a bit more considerate in drawing the list of requirements for engagement, many young men and women, including my colleagues will find it difficult to heed to this call.

As for my children, clearly, they need to keep the Time/Future Value of Money formula safely. It will come in handy, anytime marriage becomes top on their agenda. It will offer a reliable estimate with regard to this lifelong enterprise called marriage.

They must also pray for a well-paid job and an improved economy with low cost of living. Otherwise, God would have to ‘let this cup pass over’ them. But that is not what we, as parents want. So, marry they must.

In the meantime, help me wish my wife, happy copper anniversary.

To those who find themselves in miserable marriages, please don't hesitate to walk out if it is not working. There is nothing like having a soul mate, whose face you yearn to see next to you when you wake up every morning. If this is not your story, please advise yourself.

A listener of Joy FM, has said that, “marriage is a Ministry of Offence. So, you must be a permanent secretary in Forgiveness Department, with a PhD in Understanding, an MSc in loving, with a BSc in tolerance." if your spouse is not willing to comply, please leave.

Mae Alsalama - That’s goodbye in Arabic.

Let God lead. Follow Him directly, not through any Human.

The writer works at myjoyonline.com