“Be calm and tone down your voice, yours is the only voice I keep hearing among all your friends”. Those were the words of my wise father, to which I would respond - “that’s just how I speak, I am not being loud”.

Today, I went to the studio for an audio recording of the book I am working on - “God’s Holy Law”. But I was frightened by the voice I heard when I played back the recording - “is this how I sound?”. To be honest, I didn’t want to engage in any form of conversation with the one whose voice I was hearing.

What I was hearing was far from the message I wanted to send out. I wanted my audience to feel my love and concern, and yet my voice sounded very critical and feisty. Is this how I have always communicated was the question I kept asking myself?

I felt horrible through the rest of the day, and I immediately identified with Apostle Paul when he said - “The good I want to do is not what I do but the evil I do not want to do, that I find myself doing - what a wretched man I am, who can rescue me from this body....”.

I am still disgusted and appalled even as I write this piece and I so badly need to be rescued from this body. While this has opened my eyes to what the people around me have had to endure all the long years they have been “trapped” with me; I feel very grateful for the grace that have been shown me. So to all my family and friends, I am truly sorry for my critical outbursts - please forgive me.

Ol’ John [as we affectionately called him], saw the dangers in how I spoke and often warned me, but I was living in denial and carried on with this attitude through the first half of my adult life. But alas the day of reckoning came at the studio today, and if it were possible, I would have run from the person I was hearing.

It wasn’t so much the message of the book as much as it was how I was saying it. You see, “you can be right and yet very wrong on top of your voice”. Today, I experienced this so well and I believe I will become better as a result. Thanks be to God for Jesus who rescues completely!

How often a conversation with a loved one has gone awry because of the way we spoke, or how it cost us some great opportunities at the work place? It’s not enough to know what to say, but also how to say it. Jesus knew that fully well - John 12:49.

While I will work consciously on making the right changes henceforth, please also pray that I am able to help my preteen daughter Maame Serwah who has an excuse for everything we point out in her character and also my little boy AJ - who when I hear “screaming” reminds me of myself. May they listen and learn now, not to live in denial but confront their “demons” and overcome before the day of evil comes.

What about you? Are there things in your character that you should be more honest about, and perhaps get help to  “battle” them and overcome? There’s an Akan proverb that says - “the one clearing a path doesn’t know how crooked it looks unless someone behind draws their attention to it”. Do you have someone calling your attention to your “crooked paths”? Are you recognizing and appreciating them or are you avoiding them, making excuses and living in denial?

Midlife is a time for taking stock and fiercely confronting the evils that will sooner or later cause our downfall. Do you have some addictions you need to face and give up on? Is it overeating, procrastinating or laziness? Or is it too much booze, smoking and flirting? Or is yours deceit, cheating, corruption and secret sins you need to repent of? I encourage you to open up and “listen” deeply to yourself and to others calling your attention to these evils.

Man, know thyself! The corrections you make today could save your life tomorrow.

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The writer is a reading enthusiast and the author of the book God’s Holy Law which will be out soon. You can reach him on fitzroynbrown@gmail.com