First dates, especially, can be nerve racking. And for that reason, today we have a few tips for the modern man to follow. Some of them you will probably find quite obvious, which is good. However, a little refresher course never hurts, and when it comes to first impressions you can never be too prepared. So take a look at the list, and if you have any pointers of your own—or bones to pick with the advice given here—by all means, do share them with us.

1.Compliment her on everything

The most obvious thing any man can do on a first date is compliment a woman’s appearance. In fact, it’s probably the one thing everyone will do no matter what.

However, it’s important that you keep the compliments coming after that. Don’t just complement her dress, or her eyes. Compliment her on her job, on her new house, on her new car—whatever she’s got going on, convey to her that she is an impressive human being. Because hearing that you’re hot is nice, but hearing that you’re interesting and hot is better.

2.Ask her questions

Forget what you do for a living. Are you the most powerful lawyer in the city? That’s great, but shut up. Ask about her job, her friends, her family, her apartment. Her, her, her.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk about yourself. If she asks you, answer her. Just don’t go on about yourself for five minutes at a time.

3.Open all the doors

Chivalry may be dead, but it’s alive and well on first dates. Open car doors and hold restaurant doors. It’s not sexist. It’s just a mating ritual, and that fact that you’re willing to play the stupid game shows that you are interested.

4.Have a plan-Nay, Have two

Whatever you do, don’t just wing it. Come up with not one but two plans, and give her an option either in advance or the night of. Don’t start trying to think of somewhere to go off the top of your head or resort to a dining app on your phone. You want her to know you put thought into it.

Don’t go overboard, though. You don’t live in a romantic comedy. Keep it simple—maybe one place for drinks, and then another for dinner. Or one place for dinner, and another for desert of cocktails.

Oh, and here’s a cardinal rule: NO MOVIES. The point of a first date is to get to know each other, and you’re not doing that if you spend two hours in total silence.

5.Pay for everything

Yes, yes, feminism and whatnot. It’s great. Women are totally empowered. You should still pay without asking.

What do you do if she says, “Oh no, let’s split it”? You casually and calmly say, “oh don’t worry about it, I’ll get it.”

If she still insists? Well then, okay. But 97% of women are not going to do that.

Pro tip: don’t even look at the bill. Money is nothing to you, and whatever it costs, it’s totally worth it. You’re too engrossed in her to care about money. Just hand over your credit card and have the waiter take care of it.

6. You have no ex

Do not, under any circumstances, discuss your ex. It doesn’t matter how formative that relationship, how much it made you who you are, how much you hate her, how much she doesn’t matter to you, how long ago it was, or how innocuous the reference to her seems—if you bring up your ex on a first date, you are an idiot.

But wait, you say. What if she asks you? Well, don’t lie. But give the shortest answer possible, and make it sound as insignificant as possible.

What if you get into a truly deep conversation about your lives? What if you connect so strongly and star baring your souls and you want to share it all? Don’t. Do. It. Just don’t. Bare your soul tomorrow, okay?

7.Watch your body language

Do like your momma said and sit up straight, man. You want to look relaxed, but confident. Keep your hands away from your mouth and head at all times. It’s okay to lean in a bit now and then, but don’t overdo it. You don’t want to crowd her space or some on too strong.

8.Disown your phone

This one is paramount. We never used to have to worry about this, but make sure you ignore your phone on your date. Don’t send a text, don’t look at a text. Don’t even get your phone out when she goes to the bathroom. You can use your phone to call a cab, or look something up. But for all social purposes, for the duration of your date your phone should be dead to you.

9.Transportation: Make it classy

How you get to wherever you going is going to depend where you live. If you’re in a major urban area, for example, you can take the subway. However, why not pull out all the stops and take a cab? It’s more direct, more intimate, and it shows she is worth spending money on.

But what about driving? Well, if you don’t have a nice car, you don’t have a nice car. At least take your ride for a thorough cleaning to get the inside and outside as pristine as possible. She won’t be too happy if her coat gets dirty because it brushes against the door, and a bunch of junk on the floor is a total deal breaker.

10. Dress like your mean it

Think you can pull off shabby chic? Well, unless you actually are Ryan Gossling, you’re wrong.

Instead, you want to dress to impress. Wear something nicer than you would wear to watch football at the bar with your buddies. Obviously it’s going to depend on what you’re doing, but in generally you won’t go wrong with business casual.

What does business casual mean? Well, it’s a lot more flexible than it used to be, but for the most part it means nice jeans, leather shoes, and a blazer and/or sweater.

11.Groom thyself

Again, the primary directive of the first date is perpetuating your female companion’s belief that she is important to you. So if you do not show up at her door meticulously groomed—every hair and whisker exactly where you want it, breath fresh as a mountain breeze, and neck lightly scented—you’re really getting off on the wrong foot. It shows her first impression of you doesn’t matter that much.

12.Be on time

Honestly, if can’t get on board with this one there’s really no point in reading the rest of the list, because you are totally hopeless. You want your new lady friend to believe she is the most important thing in your life for the duration of the date, and nothing will disavow her of that belief more thoroughly than you showing up more than five minutes late.

What’s that? You couldn’t get out of work on time because you’re job is really important and you’re super successful? She doesn’t care. She’ll just think you’re an idiot for not scheduling the date later, or on another day.

Are there acceptable excuses? Sure. “I got attacked by a mountain lion” is one. “My car literally got swallowed by a sinkhole” is another. But that’s about it.