A yoke is a specially-designed wooden bar fitted across the neck of two animals (usually cows) that are selected to plough the soil in a field for farming. These animals are carefully selected to be as equal in size and character as possible, in order for them to move, behave, and work in a synchronised fashion. If the conditions differ, then the two animals cannot move and work together as expected. This is very similar to marriage.

One of the worst and regrettable situations I have come across in courting and especially in several marriages is the situation where a true Christian is trying to marry (or becomes married to) an Unbeliever against the warning by God for His children NOT to do so. A similar situation occurs when two people of opposite faiths and beliefs or lifestyles mistakenly decide to join their lives together in marriage or court with intentions to marry. They will definitely have to fight the life-long battle of incompatibility.

In August 2011, I was standing at the rear end of the aircraft to stretch my legs along with some other passengers on an aircraft I boarded from West Africa across the Atlantic to the USA when a pregnant young lady also got up and came to stand next to me, waiting to get to the restroom next door. I noticed that she was apparently in an advanced stage of pregnancy. I engaged her in conversation to encourage her in the Lord for victory in all the inevitable experiences and changes that are ahead of her in life. When she realised I was a Christian and was also looking out for her interests, she opened up and become absorbed in my exhortation and discussions. She sadly narrated mistakes she had made in her love relationships and how her disobedience to God’s commandments has landed her in serious trouble of deception and utter disappointment. 

In summary, she got a job in a city of her native country in West Africa and got carried away with infatuation for a man who expressed affection to her and whom she fell in love with. In her own words: “I allowed my emotions and lust to run ahead of my reasoning and intelligence, and got backslidden by getting sexually involved with this man who was older than me. I slacked in my Bible reading, prayers, and church attendance and got far away from my devotion to God.”

When I asked her if the man was a true Christian, she replied: “Well, he says he is, but I don’t see it now.” I then asked her if the man would marry her (or if she would marry him), and she replied: “Well, I don’t want to marry him unless he changes; but as things stand at the moment, he is not a man I would want to marry.” When I questioned her as to why she then got so far involved with such a man, her answer was: “I don’t know why I behaved so foolishly and allowed my feelings to overtake me like that; I suppose that when I started disobeying God, I became morally and spiritually weakened.” She indicated to me that she is now resolving to repent, get back fully to God by rededicating her life to Jesus Christ, and start life, love-seeking, and marriage plans all over again, trusting that she will meet a god God-fearing sincere man who will genuinely love and accept her in her condition. I asked her to read Psalm 51 as a prayer of confession (the Psalm which was the prayer of King David when he committed adultery and murder), and use the verse 10 as memory verse for regular prayer and inner renewal. I further encouraged her to forgive herself after repentance in order to stop the devil from constantly accusing and binding her with guilt for her mistakes and sins. I gave her other Bible verses like 1 John 1:9, Psalm 103:2-4, 12-15, Psalm 119:6, Romans 8:25-39, Romans 10:11, Philippians 3:10-16 and Philippians 4:4-13 that she can use to constantly crush thoughts and feelings of guilt, shame, worry, and the fears of a possibility of not experiencing a good future marriage or doubts as to whether God will still love her and bless her.

We must understand if we do not deal with our past, we can never enter into our future.

Familiar story, eh?  We have hundreds of such situations and comparable scenarios all over the place. If you have already made the mistake, please do not condemn yourself and resign to abide in dejection and depression. Pick up the pieces, repent, have hope for a bright future, strengthen all the good things that are left, seek to develop new godly friends and healthy habits, look for opportunities to do useful work and make progress, watch out for any future pitfalls, depend heavily on God’s unfailing promises, then take the same advice that I gave to the lady. 

In all my marriage and family life presentations, I have found it imperative to constantly affirm this Biblical fact from 2 Corinthians 6: 14-18 where God has clearly warned all His children: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.  For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness.  And what communion has light with darkness?  And what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” 

A Christian marrying a non-Christian is commonly referred to as “unequal yoke”.                                                                                                                            

God clearly cautions us that the light of His Spirit in a child of God and the darkness in an Unbeliever cannot dwell together. Several men mistakenly get hooked on to worldly and non-Christian girls, but women in particular fall victim to marrying non-Christian men, out of the frustration of waiting for too long to marry or have their own children. Other ladies are irresistibly lured by wealth, property, glamour, fame, pleasure, sophistication, and luxury that they observe or anticipate in their relationship with certain men that they develop a love or craving for.  

If a Christian intentionally marries an unbeliever in order to convert him or her afterward, the Christian violates God’s word. 

Wow! I can imagine a number of frowned faces and stirred hearts burning hot with disagreement and probably resentment for making such a statement!  Some people are asking: “What if I really love the person and believe that I can gradually help him (or her) to become converted after marrying him (or her)?” The fact is that when you critically examine the commandments of God in scripture, even if, by God’s grace, the Unbelieving partner is converted later in the marriage, the Believer still disobeyed the Word of the Lord to begin with, and life will never be the same as that of the humble and obedient child of God who sought to know and do the perfect will of God from the beginning. 

The truth is that in most cases the unbelieving spouse becomes a snare and an impediment for the partner and the whole family, and usually does not become a Christian at all! In several cases, the Unbelieving spouse rather succeeds in diluting or destroying the faith and holy principles of the Believer who later becomes frustrated, then compromises and ultimately backslides pathetically.

My strong advice to any true Christian seeking to marry is that you should completely explore all the avenues you know, to find out if the one you are deciding to share your life permanently with is a genuine Christian who sincerely loves God and lives according to God’s word and holy principles each day. That means you must be a committed Christian yourself before you can discern and know such a good and God-fearing partner! Be aware that you are going to join your spirit to another person’s spirit. Therefore any other spirit in your mate will be transferred to you as well. Demons already look for souls of men to dwell in and do evil. Human spirits that are not under the control of the Holy Spirit are also potential agents of destruction and wickedness. 

You must have a clear understanding that marriage, spouse, children, sexual pleasure, entertainment, wealth and other associated good things HAVE NOTHING IN THEMSELVES TO MAKE US TRULY HAPPY OR TAKE US TO HEAVEN. They are mere tools of God Almighty for our good management (caretaking) in order to do and accomplish God’s will, make us responsible and productive citizens, build godliness in us, help to expand God’s Kingdom, and enable us to give a good account to God on the Day of Judgment. You cannot (and should not) therefore allow any physical factors or benefits and gains in this life, especially those related to marriage, love, and romantic relationships, to become stumbling blocks to your holy and sweet relationship (fellowship) with God.

Make up your mind to obey and please God first before pleasing yourself or anyone who has no power to rescue you from trouble, give you life, or determine the final destiny of your soul. We must trust God to “give us the desires of our hearts as we take delight in Him” (Psalm 37:4). 

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