In 2019, there would be rains at some point unlike the 2018 Christmas that even the harmattan was playing tricks with us – as to whether to appear or not and then before we knew it, there was only heat all over.

I can also prophesy that some people would get married this year and Korle Bu and all other hospitals would record safe deliveries of twins and triplets – some will be boys and some will be girls. Wives will continue to cook for their husbands who give them chop money.

The prophesy also tells me some lazy husbands would drink the koko meant for their children and go and play draught (dammy). Please help me pray to avert this one.

Some SHS graduates would get admitted to the University of Ghana, the Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology and all the other Universities and they would pay fees. I can prophesy that most of these students would go to school in public transport and some driver’s mate’s would take chobo from their masters.

What else did God reveal to me mpo? Ehern, He told me in my prophesy that somebody would be arrested by the police for over-speeding between Winneba junction and Apam junction in 2019 and that there would be traffic congestion at Mallam junction p33333. Amen?

The only prophesy I was expecting God to reveal to me which did not happen was that we are going to have one dollar selling at one Ghana cedi bcos we are going to produce more for export!

I don’t know why my kind of prophesies don’t reveal all the good things that would happen to this country la! How I would have loved such prophesies er! I don’t even know which ones of these prophesies to believe in myself mpo!

There was an essay question that required candidates to write about CHILD LABOUR in WAEC English Language in 1994 or so. Honestly, I personally found it prophetically ambiguous.

Ambiguous in the sense that I could not tell whether they were referring to how children can go into labour and give birth or the phenomenon that involves the use of children to do business at various places including stone quarries! After all, they are both ‘labour’.

To be on the safer side, I avoided this particular question. It was not like the ‘True or False’ questions. You know, out of 10 ‘True or False’ questions, chances are that 5 are likely to be ‘True’ and 5 would be ‘False’ but how to tell which ones are True and which ones are False is often where the challenge remains especially if your head die like my own.

So, for me, it is prophetic that it’s either I choose True for all 10 questions or False for all. By all means, I will get 5 correct. Simple! If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer! It is only in the university that when I did that, they subtracted marks for every wrong answer.

Too known universities! Talking about labour, is it not strange to see a woman in labour discussing when to have the next child? It is also strange to witness this: you have a husband who is usually moody and puts on a serious face anytime he returns from work.

Then one Friday night after the Christmas festivities, he comes back from work very happy and laughing and telling you nice things, throwing the baby into the air and catching it; my dear Sister, start suspecting him. He has imported joy from outside. Hold his left hand and smell his fingers; if the smell is close to that of onions and droplets of old urine, ‘then it happened’. He may bring you sickness if God does not intervene.

You can also check the flap of his boxer shorts; the smell may be unusual with some moisture. Smell his armpit; if there is an unfamiliar soap smell or perfume or his usual deodorant smell is missing, then he has taken his bath after the ‘this thing’.

You can also smell the singlet he wore that day to work; it is likely to have a strange perfume smell from ‘a third-party perfume contact’. Bring his used handkerchief out from his trouser pocket; if it smells of tsotso cream or fatwik3ky3, I am sure the result from your investigations would be ‘positive’! Try it, Sister Adwoa! Ajeeeei!

Eish, the evil that men are doing er? We would catch them p3333! Nobody can catch me again o. You remember I was caught once when I got back home from work and she saw tissue on my ‘this thing’ and I told her I was learning how to clean the tip of my ‘this thing after urinating bcos I wanted to tuba and that I used tissue to clean ‘the place’ as my new religion demands? Ehern!

I have devised a new strategy. When I know I could be a strong suspect, I won’t bath after the evil act o. On my way back home, I would wear my jacket like that with my tie on and go and play table tennis at the mall and sweat it out after which I will look so tired and smelly with sweat.

That is a sign that I had a very stressful day. Finish! No be so? Be there playing the holier than thou, Mr Bonney! Another holiday on Monday?

Me I am tired of resting o, yoo! If I go on leave now, so so running around I will be doing saaa and before you know it, the leave will be over! Now that I have a prolonged Christmas break too, holiday come inside.

Surprisingly, throughout this week, the traffic situation in Accra was cool apparently bcos many people are yet to resume after spending their January salary in December! Heyhey! We shall see! Gari and beans sellers would become our friends again.

Fried rice would suddenly become high cholesterol just bcos people cannot afford, true or false? This week too it looks like people have taken some days off to visit their building sites bcos accommodation has become so expensive in Ghana and I wonder how the estate companies are making it.

Some have built beautiful houses in the outskirts of Accra and no one can buy or even rent. Apart from some politicians and abrokyire footballers who can easily buy such $250,000+ houses, how many of us can afford?

After buying the land at say GHC50,000, one has to make provision for another GHC150,000 over a period of say 5-10years bcos no prophet, I repeat no prophet can see it coming that in a few years’ time, you should expect a leader of a delegation from the Ashangba-Wey or Nii Gbagbladza-wey coming for their share.

Give them GHC20,000 because they are not aware of any previous owner apart from them. Two years later, Nii Jaasi and his entourage will come with their nephews to tell you the land is for them and Ashangba-Wey don’t have right of sale bcos they only used to dump refuse on that land which does not suggest that the land is for them. In the midst of all of these, the ‘original’ owners of the land, landguards come to you to demand digging fee, roofing fee, painting fee, gating fee and ebei! Accra land, na wao! I suwear!

Woe onto you if you don’t have money to develop your land; it can be such real hell er. The past decade has been one of a morbid craving for the youth in acquiring land o.

Landlords have given us hell before o but you can’t blame them. Building a house is not easy. Even after the block works and roofing, the ‘real’ work of furnishing it into a home reminds you that ‘yes, you are now building’.

Talk of wiring, plumbing, ceiling, tiling, painting, and above all, LABOUR! It is better you don’t even buy land if you are not ready to develop it because chances are that it would be sold to 10 million more people – the same plot.

I have a strategy to protect such lands and let me share it with those who will not read this. If you are not ready, just wall the land up to 5 courses (coats). After that, demolish it yourself. Demolish it in such a way that whoever sees it would think you are ‘very angry’.

With the demolished state in which the land is, every reasonable prospective buyer would conclude that there is a problem with this land’ and advise himself or herself. My Ashaiman land is still intact 11 years after I’d acquired it for a future KVIP project! If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer.

Ask me how that common inscription: ‘STOP WORK PRODUCE PERMIT’ found itself on my building; did I say I wrote it myself? Don’t bring me wahala wai! I had a very crafty neighbor who did it on his wall! According to him, he realised that abayey people have been writing on people’s walls to stop work and produce permit.

The permit too takes forever to obtain and before you know it, you can lose the land. Meanwhile, families need to lay their heads somewhere. So he did the needful: he only looked for the same ink colour and wrote it on his wall: STOP WORK, PRODUCE PERMIT!, Dasorrrrr!

This is called the Daavi Kpeshie style. Before Daavi Kpeshie starts insulting you, she would start from insulting herself aaaaaa before descending on you such that by the time she is through with you, you would have nothing to say again.

Proactive takashi! Hmmm! Accra land! Happy new year o and remember to start saving GHC10 a day with retrospective effect from January 1st so that by November 30, 2019, you would have saved GHC3,340 you can use to manage your 2019 Christmas to some extent as you use part of your December salary to pay school fees in January 2020!

This doesn’t make sense to me myself but if it does to you, the start with GHC20! May 2019 help you with your own visions and positive prophesies and remember they may not be easy to achieve but the greater the visions, the greater the challenges but we shall overcome in Jesus’ name!

By Mawuli Zogbenu