Research shows that a healthy, lasting relationship is attributed to two main ingredients: kindness and generosity. To understand the qualities we would like in a soulmate partner, we need to arrive at a stage where we understand ourselves and our needs. This knowledge will help us avoid getting caught up in relationships with people who are not at the same stage of growth as we are or with those who are unable to give us what we yearn for.

The opposite is also true. Expecting your partner to keep giving you what you want in your relationship is not only detrimental to its success but also a selfish way of being.

Your soulmate relationship is your vehicle for deep and meaningful fulfillment. You can feel immense joy when you meet your partner’s needs while at the same time honoring and not downplaying your own. It can give you a surge of energy that flows through all other areas of your life: your work, the way you approach challenges, and even your physical health.

If you want your relationship to be extraordinary, then bring your most authentic part to every experience, whether it is being compassionate or nurturing or family-oriented. See yourself as the work of art that you are, a divine creation, a beautiful human being, and exude that energy, that knowing, so as to bring out your partner’s nobility, inviting the best in him.

However, in order to do so, you must first take a trip down memory lane and look at past relationships:

• What worked and what didn’t work?
• How did your past relationships make you feel, and how do you want to feel in your new relationship?
• What are your “must-haves” and your “deal breakers”?
• Have you reconciled with your past, and are you ready to move forward?
• As a result of all those experiences and challenges, who are you now and what matters most to you?
• What do you value most, and what is the life you want to have now?

Write down all your answers and read them over and over again until you feel at peace with your past and ready to focus on your future. Be clear about what you want in a relationship and what you are looking for in that special someone who will be a great lifelong partner.

Realize that being happy and fulfilled, accepting and loving yourself, is paramount to the success of your soulmate relationship. When you come from that place, opportunities and synchronicities jump out at you, and you will radiate and become attractive to your partner, magnetizing him to you. Ultimately, you will realize that when it is more about you and less about him, and you are focused inward on improving yourself, you are capable of giving more.

The qualities you and your partner need in a soulmate relationship:  

1. Trust

Trust is the glue that holds all relationships together. Feeling insecure in yourself or in your relationship, inventing problems, or assuming something is true when it is not will weigh you down and ultimately destroy your relationship.

To believe in your partner is the greatest compliment you can give him and will allow you to experience a friendship and closeness that is unsurpassed. How well do you trust your partner?

2. Honesty

Open your heart to love and truth. Stop trying to read minds or assume what the other is thinking. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be honest with every aspect of your relationship: about what’s right, what you want in your relationship, how you want to be treated, and what needs to change.

And if you have done something or behaved in a manner that you’re not too proud of, then be honest and share that as well. Communicate openly and often. Lying, cheating, and twisting reality can be the undoing of any relationship.

Honesty can help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s strengths. How comfortable and honest are you when sharing your darkest, deepest fears, doubts, and secrets with your partner?

3. Attentiveness

Lack of attention can damage a relationship far more than we realize. Be courteous when your partner is speaking, pay careful attention, and stay in close touch with his words and feelings.

Give your undivided attention to his needs and communicate openly on a regular basis. Hold off on answering phones, texting, and social media, and be fully present in your conversations. Are you making the effort to be wholeheartedly present and attentive when you are together?

4. Loyalty

Stand by your partner, especially in the darkest moments of your lives. In sickness and in health, in times of happiness and in times of sorrow, lift him up when he is hurting, and allow him to shine when he needs it.

How loyal are you? Are you happy to see your partner happy and successful? What about when he is sad and worried: do you stand by his side and comfort him?

5. Responsibility

Take 100 percent responsibility for your actions and feelings and behavior. Start looking honestly at yourself and be clear about what the relationship needs from you. Take personal responsibility and learn how to become an amazing partner.

When you are looking outward for fulfillment and trying to fit someone else into a box of your making, you will only find disappointment. You will get upset over any small thing that he did not perform and blame him for any action that did not conform to your standard and your vision.

Stop blaming and complaining and move past the problem. Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Where is my responsibility in this?” A shift needs to happen so that you can both co-create the loving, healthy relationship you want.

6. A joyous attitude

Joy is a very attractive attitude. It draws men to want to be with you. Even if you are just dating and you’re not quite sure he’s the right person for you, just enjoy the process. Enjoy the other person for what he is bringing to the relationship.

When you come from a place of joy, you automatically open yourself up to receiving and allowing whatever wonderful thing might happen. Who knows, he could be “The One.”

You’re allowing the other person to have the pleasant experience of getting to know you. When you’re in a “feel-good” state, then life feels good, and you draw toward you more of the things that make you feel good. Keep raising your vibration and be receptive to attract the love you most desire.

7. Teamwork

Healthy relationships are all about teamwork. You will achieve harmony and loving connection when you meet your partner halfway. Bringing wholehearted passion, love, and teamwork will strengthen your relationship.

The strength of the whole is dependent on the strength of each individual part. You can conquer the world together through your unity. A good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments together. How well do you relate to your togetherness: in your daily lives at home, at work, during travels, when planning for family gatherings and holidays?

8. Acceptance

Stop looking for perfection in your partner. Don’t judge your current relationship based on your past ones. Making comparisons between your past relationships and reminding your current partner of all the good — or the bad — that you had experienced in the past can be the kiss of death. Your past pains are not indicative of your current possibilities, so let them all go.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and even if everything seems perfect now, there will be periods of imperfection and disappointment. Accepting and dealing with each other’s shortcomings is what makes for an ideal relationship. Appreciate your similarities and accept your differences.

Are you able to let bygones be bygones and accept your partner exactly as he is? Or are you hell-bent on changing him and making him see your point of view in every situation?

9. Kindness

Offer empathy. Be kind always. It is the challenges and the pain that we experience that connects us on the deepest level. We all go through moments where we need a listening ear, a kind word, a shoulder to cry on, or even someone who will just sit silently by our side when we need time to process.

How present are you for your partner? Are you kind in your words, deeds, and actions toward him?

10. Generosity

Be generous: of your time, in sharing your ideas, your belongings, in your intimate relations, and in your social connections. Sharing is caring. Being generous with your partner can be a source of great joy, while withholding is the cause of great sorrow and failure in relationships. How generous are you?

11. Admiration

Unleash every resource you have to light him up. Be a raving fan. Be his cheerleader. Remind yourself of all that you did in the beginning of your relationship to meet his needs and to get him to want to be with you.

Are you still doing those things? Your partner could be the best thing that ever happened to you. Why not let him know how much you appreciate and admire him?

12. Love of self

You become naturally more beautiful the more self-love you give to yourself. Unless you love and accept yourself, you cannot love and accept another.

Relationships are simply mirrors: What you feel and who you are will be reflected back to you. Your acceptance of your partner reflects acceptance of yourself as you radiate that natural, divine feminine presence. When you open yourself to self-love, you will discover that you are not so perfect and love yourself anyway. Is it not time that you said to yourself: “I love you!”?

13. Pride in appearance

Even though you think you will overwhelm a man’s senses by the way you dress, by looking and smelling good, by feeling and sounding good, and by your overall appearance, in reality, you do all these things because of the pride you take in how wonderful it makes you feel.

When you feel good about yourself, enjoy the pleasure of your own beauty and your own sensuality, then you exude the confidence that makes you more attractive to your partner. Your power to transform a man’s attention is based solely on what you think of yourself.

14. Authentic presence

Be your authentic self. You don’t need to pretend to be anyone else but you. Feel free to present your true nature to the relationship.

The partner who is designed to come into your life is not perfect, and neither are you. You are perfect together in your imperfection. When you come together in your authenticity, your partner will love you and see you unconditionally.

15. Amiable personality

Men who are playing for keeps are more attracted to an amiable personality than by looks alone. A beautiful woman without a loving personality will drive her partner away, because in the long run, every man wants a woman who is lovable.

Relationships, the lasting kind, take time and patience, and you must be willing to put in the effort. Have you done your part?